Inspiration 2.0

[€uroMeinke]

The Alarm rang at 6:00 AM. Three hours of sleep. He thought, “She could wait till after my birthday but she couldn’t tell be before then. Am I really that boring, that unapproachable?” He lay in bed fully awake waiting for the snooze to go off. When it did, he called in sick to the office, turned off the alarm and went back to bed. That is until the tapping began. A quick rapping at the bedroom window followed by silence, and then it picked up again.

“Who is it?” He finally yelled tossing a pillow against the drapes. The tapping continued, until he threw open the drapes to see who could be so annoying so early in the morning. No one was there. But at the bottom corner of the window, a crow was tapping his beak against the glass.

“Good Lord! It’s bad enough I have dreams about these flying vermin, now they’re visiting me in real life!”

Squawking through the window, the crow replied,” Remember, I’m just another part of you, so you’re really just insulting yourself.”
“Hey, I’m awake now – you’re no longer a part of my dream.”
“You do have a point there – none-the-less, I ask you to think first about what you say before you say it. You never know who you might be insulting.”
“Crows don’t talk”
“Actually, certain members of our species are equipped to speak, so this isn’t really all that outlandish – but honestly you’re getting dull again, what say we go out and have some breakfast?”
“Breakfast? And where do you suggest we go? Denny’s?”
“If you’d like, I fancy the park myself, a little picnic might be nice, get you some fresh air – you look awful you know.”
“I wasn’t expecting company – my wife left me last month you know”
“Yeah, yeah, I was there – best thing that could have happened to you”
“Damn you’re a callous bird.”
“Look, bub – I don’t recall you shedding any tears. Remember I’ve been flying around in that brain of yours, so save your self pity for some other fool stranger. C’mon let’s go get your life in order”.

Within two hours they were both at the park. Rey had picked up a breakfast sandwich and a cup of coffee at the local mini-mart
“Hey, can I have a piece of your bacon?”
“You’re a crow, shouldn’t you be pulling out worms somewhere? – No wait a minute you’re a figment of my imagination, you shouldn’t need to eat a thing.”
“I could start picking at your flesh again…”
“All right here,” Rey pulled a piece of bacon out of his sandwich and handed it to the crow who greedily downed it in one labored but satisfied swallow.”
“Thanks man, sure beats the dream stuff” The crow continued, “So here’s the deal, your 37 years old.”
“38, I just turned 38”
“Yeah - right - whatever, you’re still on the good side of 40, no kids – so you don’t have that baggage, and your wife left you so you’re totally sympathetic – as long as we can spruce you up anyway, I mean we can clean you up all right – but we’re going to have to make you a bit more interesting. No more of this boring stuff.”
“I think it’s called stability.”
“yeah whatever – it’s totally dullsville and perfectly fine for Mrs. Hapshack in Peoria who’s balling the mailman while your at work. It’s time for you to become that mailman. Are you a man, or just a steady income?”
“Okay, I understand where you’re coming from, but don’t you think that maybe I like the stability myself, that maybe I want someone who’s just happy to see me when I come home, spend time with me, hang out together?”
“Jeez, get yourself a dog then – look, you haven’t much time, you’re les than two years from 40. Your hairs already thinning and that paunch isn’t getting any smaller. You must take advantage of this time to finally live the life you’ve always wanted – you’ll have plenty of opportunity to resume that boring life of yours when you get older.”

“If I’m going to find someone, I want someone who’s going to stay with me till old age. Someone who will love me for who I am, not what I look like.”
“Bub, listen to me – I’m not talking love here, I just want to get you laid right now.”
“well what the hell is that supposed to do for me?”
“Far more than wanking off to the internet, I assure you – you need some human contact other than your own”
“Then why did you have to come to me as a crow? Why couldn’t my subconscious manifest itself as some beautiful woman”
“Bub, that’s a question you’ll have to ask a qualified therapist – for those classes you took in college you got me, and you should be damn well grateful for that. You could have just as soon gone to work not wearing any pants. You’ve had enough of those dreams after all. What do you think Elizabeth would say to that?”
“Elizabeth?”
“Yeah Elizabeth, that gal in the front office? The hot Latin number? C’mon don’t be coy with me, you’ve wanted to do her since you laid eyes on her. She’s been loosing weight and dressing sharp for the past 3 months now. And - That gold band been missing From her finger too.”
“She’s divorced?”
“See your subconscious picks up on these things even if you still prefer to dense up there. But I’m glad we got your attention now, because now we can talk about how you’re gonna ask her out”
“Ask her out? I’m still married, for all I know this mess will all blow over in another month or so and June will come back to me. It hasn’t even been 4 weeks since she left.”
“Strike while the iron is hot, I say. Even if she does come back, you’ll at least have some indiscretion to match hers. Bub – stop being a putz will you?”