POTC Johnny Refurb

[innerSpaceman]

Never a one to disappoint ... I have to report after my inaugural ride this morning that ....I HATED IT!!!



This will come as no big surprise, but perhaps some will be astonished that I actually liked parts of it - - though seemingly not the parts that most everyone else seems to like.

The Good
Though the "classic" version of "Yo Ho" is no longer heard anywhere in the attraction, I rather like just music in the space between the two drops. It's noteworthy, however, that this is authentic Pirates score from 1967 ... because I don't like the music in the main waterfall cavern after the second drop.

Perhaps I just got a bad part of the loop for this area, but it did nothing for me. I preferred the natural cavern sounds. I distinctly dislike the illusion that I am in a movie about a pirate cavern rather than that I am in a pirate cavern. It's a subtle difference, but the mysterious musical score that now pervades too many areas of the attraction is more akin to a movie of an experience - instead of portraying a facsimile of an actual experience.

Admittedly, there has always been an outburst of musical score further along in the cavern, so perhaps it's just the particular music I don't like. In any event, too much underscore is, imo, a poor choice in both movies and rides.

But back to the good stuff. More skeletons on the beach? Fine. New lightning bolts in the stormy sky? Coolness. Skeletons playing chess in the tavern lair? Good stuff.

The Captain's Quarters looks great. I love the touch of the parrot skeleton perched near the ghostly harpsichord. And, oh the Treasure Room! It's absofreakinglutely gorgeous. Stunningly beautiful, in fact. This room has never looked better.


And that's the end of the good stuff. How much trouble will I get into if I take up the habit of getting out of my boat at this point??


The Bad
The Davy Jones mist waterfall does nothing for me. I simply do not understand why everyone is so impressed with this. It's a flat film projection and it doesn't look like anything but.

It's a cheap-shot effect in the Haunted Mansion, and it's a cheap-shot effect in Pirates. Am I supposed to be amazed by film on mist two decades after Fantasmic premiered a few hundred yards from here? Am I supposed to be pleased with a flat film effect in the attraction that is the veritable Mecca of dimensional illusion?

I think not.

And that's to say nothing of what's now missing. The mysterious, dark tunnel with the suddenly vaulted ceiling and the ghostly intonations that are so unbelieveably classic - - not simply because they are traditional, but because they are unsurpassably excellent

No fear have ye of evil curses, says you?
Aaaaarrh.
Properly warned ye be, says I.
Who knows when that evil curse will strike the greedy beholders of this bewitched treasure?

To say that this ride has been diminished is an understatement!

And, I'm not sure after only one ride, but is there even a curse anymore? And was it my imagination, or did they ruin the sightline "reveal" of the battle scene with the lame placement of that cheesy waterfilm effect?

Gak, I hate it!!!


The Ugly
The battle scene with movie music is completely STUPID. Am I in a pirateship battle or am I in a pirate movie??? Why is there a musical score to this event?

This has now gone the way of Indiana Jones and Star Tours by putting recognizable movie music over the experience - - and guests are meant to feel as if they are in the Pirates of the Caribbean movie, much to the detriment of their experience of a real pirate adventure of their own.

And, oh, they should not have had Barbossa say the same lines as the actor he replaced. His delivery is pathetic. Another iconic and excellent performance cast aside for something substandard. Bah.


I have the least amount of problems with Johnny Depp. I really don't care that he's here and there, or that he looks like a real human - in contrast to all the other characters. Of course, he pops up in the barrel a little too quickly after you've seen him at the well. If you crane your head, you can see both Depps at the same time. It's absurd. (Kinda reminds me of the time two Plutos caught sight of each other in DCA, heheh.) There's a reason characters appear only once in all other Disneyland attractions. That lesson was ignored, and the result is laughable.

Oh, and far from reversing the last disastrous set of Pirates revisions, the pirates are still, to the last man, being chased by women. So much for the punchline created by the brilliant imagineers of '67. And so much for the politically incorrect and naughty ways of Jack Sparrow having any good effect on the dumbing down of this ride.


The treasure closet in the powder-keg room is also a stupid idea. WTF? And yeah, I'm pretty sick of Johnny Depp at this point.



But Depp's nowhere near the worst of the problems. The heart of the ride has been butchered. The spooky tunnel and the pirateship battle have been ruined - yes, I say Ruined.



After the obligatory round of introducing everyone to this travesty, you will find me avoiding this ride in future. What a frelling shame. I hope to live to see the removal of all this movie crap when memory of the all-but-guaranteed-to-be-inferior sequels fades to dust.