Putting my face on

[Cadaverous Pallor]

This morning I was tooling around the net and somehow ended up on one of those sites with pics of celebrities sans makeup.

On the same page was an embedded video that the company Dove (you know, soap and lotion) made. It was part of a program by them to help young girls with body issues. It shows a model go from plain to makeuped and coiffed, then photoshopped and billboarded. The photoshop part was pretty shocking.

I read and looked and clicked and saw what must be the worst picture of Alicia Silverstone ever taken. These people have zits and puffy eyelids and sunspots and wrinkles. They look as bad as I ever have.

Under each picture was a taunting caption, calling Barbara Striesand a "borscht belt Bubbe", saying Rachel Hunter looked "hunted", etc. I know that a big reason people like looking at these pics is so they can hurl rotten cabbage at those (usually) shining faces they are so compellingly dedicated to and envious of. Calling Britney Spears UGLY seems like a good way to start one's day with a smile, I suppose.

But I found myself having a wholly different reaction to these pics and testaments to "natural beauty". After staring at comparison after comparison, pics taken within the same year but revealing what's underneath the foundation, I found myself thinking - damn, I gotta get me some makeup.

I mean hello - if these people look like crap when they get up, tie their hair out of their face and go buy groceries, then they're just like me. And if they're just like me, then I could totally look like them.

Ok, maybe I don't have professional artists to paint my face, but I don't really want to look flawless. Don't want to build expectations too high. But still, if I can look half as good as any of these chicks, then why not?

As a person who has no patience for putting my face on every morning....or, better yet, as a person who at many different points in my life have rejected all the trappings of societal female beauty requirements as unnatural and detrimental to women.....it's quite a shock to start thinking about visiting the Maybelline counter.

I guess it all leads up to here - the clothes that fit, the newer styles, the salon haircuts, the brand name shoes, the purse....eventually, the makeup can't be denied any longer.

But who'd have thought that a site meant to deride the need for the stuff would make me want to get some?