Inspiration?

[mousepod]

Spring, 1983. Three years, 2 months before rehab.
I have become a walking dichotomy.
Nerdy kid. President of the band, spanish club, the Leonia High School chapter of the National Honor Society. Currently taking AP English, AP Calculus, AP History. Not Physics. Not anymore.
Starting drinking at 13. Not socially. Privately. To sleep. Dad always said to think of nothing and my mind would stop racing. Tanqueray worked faster.
Stopped getting beat up sometime between Freshman and Sophomore year. We lived one frigging mile from New York City, but everyone was scared to cross the river. Not me. I crossed the river. That was dangerous. I wasn't cool, but they stopped beating me up anyway.
Was always pretty good at doing work at the last minute. High school was easy that way. Except for Physics. You had to actually do labwork. 1st quarter, I got a B+. 2nd quarter, an F. Physics teacher, a man who didn't like me and looked a lot like a turtle, made me an offer. Stay in his class and take a midterm D, or drop and take a midterm C. Colleges only cared about midterms.
Anyway, a month before high school ends forever, I am a wreck. A 16-year-old senior. Less than one month from my first taste of cocaine. Three years, two months before rehab. Mr Cullen, my AP History teacher pulls me aside. He knows something is up. I feel he senses my anguish.

"Jesse, you need to get a datebook."
"What?"
"You need to get a datebook with boxes in it, so you can write things down."
"...and?"
"You need to get a datebook with boxes in, so you can write things down and keep track of your responsibilities. That way, you'll know when you have to do something. And you can make sure you'll do it."
"Thanks for the advice"

One month later, a high school graduate. Three years and one month after that, rehab.

I used to wonder whatever became of Mr Cullen. Every once in a while, in the middle of the night, I would get the urge to look him up - see if he's still teaching. But I never write it down. I never did buy that fvcking datebook.