In Sante Fe

[Bornieo: Fully Loaded]

So this is a story that was to appear in an "anthology" title. It's written in script form, somewhat, but I was just revisiting this today, and I thought I'd post it and get some swanky remarks. Let's hear it!

Lingo key:: Panel = a comic panel or frame.
Cap = Caption - inner monologue etc.

in santa fe
written by mark robert bourne
[c]2004


page one
panel 1: establish shot of an automotive section of a car dealership - daytime.

cap: new mexico, 1987.

cap2: it was the middle of summer when our 1975 Bronco broke down.

mechanic: it’ll be a day or so. We need to get parts from Albuquerque and that won’t be until tomorrow at the earliest.

panel 2: inside the shop we focus on 17 year old Max. Geeky, but handsome behind large bottle glasses which hang off his small pug nose- brown hair cut in a bowl style but sort of pushed to the side. He’s standing by his father, who's face we can’t see, and is always looking down, hands in his pockets- shifting around alot.

father: 2 days huh? Dang it we’re supposed....

cap: we were on our way back from a trip to California when the fan broke off and went directly into the radiator about 2 miles outside of Santa Fe. I call it a fan because that’s what it is, I suppose. I don’t know for sure. Anyway, that’s me wanting to be back in the hotel room watching tv.

panel 3: From outside the store, we see Max peering outside. In the reflection in the window we see across the street to a small diner. Not a big dennys but a small mom & pop type place in a strip mall that doesn’t have a parking lot, but buts up against the street. The sun also reflects causing Max to squint.

father:---do about that. What do you all have around here for some breakfast?

cap: instead, i’m here in this building that smell like someone mixed **** and 25 year old grease, then sat it out in the sun for a day or two. Speaking of the sun, it burns my eyes.

PAGE TWO

panel 1: inside the diner max and the father sit among 15 other small round tables that have checkered table cloths, and all the usual ‘things’. There are only 2 other tables with people although we can’t see the faces of any of them. Max is buried behind the menu as the waitress takes the order.

cap: this place smells like strawberry’s. It might be from the homemade strawberry jam sitting on the table. i’m hungry but i don’t want to be here. I want to skip ahead about an hour when I’ll be back in the hotel room.

father: and a cup of decaf. Max, how do you want your eggs?

max: scrambled.

father: so he’ll have..

cap: whatever you want me to have, as usual.

panel 2: cut to a few minutes later as someone leaves nearby, they bump max who is eating his eggs.

father: and if you’re going to go through with it, in the bible it says...

panel 3: from the back room though a doorway, we see a girl around 16, brown hair, naturally beautiful dressed in t-shirt and jeans with an apron on, carrying a dirty dish basket and a rag.

cap: if this were a movie, the music would swell as the big lump in my throat did. i think i actually said wow.

panel 4: cut to Max staring at her. True puppy love.
max: wow.

cap: it took me a few minute to start breathing again as she walked to the table next to me. it was the first time i felt that way within 2 seconds of seeing someone.

panel 5: (small) cut to the girl looking at him. Almost a smile but not quite.

panel 6: Max looks back down quickly.

page three:
panel 1: pulling back we see she’s right behind max, cleaning off the table. Max is looking down at his food.

Panel 2: on his food from Max’s pov.

cap: i want to say something to her, but what.

Panel 3: same shot only the food begins to transform to a large ham and cheese omelet.

VO: Max? Hey!

Panel 4: we pull back revealing an older Max, mid 60’s sitting in the same spot. The waitress is calling to him, but we can’t see her face either.

waitress: so you want more tea or what?

Max: yes, thank you, please.

Panel 5: While Max still looks down into his plate, behind him over his shoulder, we see the same girl, dressed the same but older, cleaning off dishes. as before.
CAP: i want to say something to her, but what?

Page four;
panel 1: large panel:- High angle view of the diner. Max sitting in the same spot. this is a few years later.

VO: are you done with that?

panel 2: change angle. the girl reaches for his plate and asks again.

VO: can i take you’re plate?

Panel 3: Max stares at her like he did the first time.

cap: what should I say to you?

Panel 4: cut to another day, same place. Max is done and is looking around.

cap: I think i know what i would say to her.

page five: The waitress comes to the table (still can’t see her face)

waitress: are you done with that?

panel 2: max looks up almost hoping to see the girl.

waitress: can I take that?

panel 3: Max looks down knowing its not her. From over his shoulder we see the figure of the waitress walking away.

max: wha-- what.

waitress: Yeah, what do you need.

Max: what, uh, what, where is the, uh other woman, who.

panel 4: Max still looking down at the table, the waitress stands next to him, still holding the plate.

waitress: oh, her?

max: ..who did the..yeah..

waitress: oh, she passed on, i’m afraid.

Panel 5: closer on max as he’s filled with emotion.

waitress: she didn’t show up one day and since she has no family we sent...

page six:
panel 1: in a cemetery on the outskirts of santa fe max stands in front of a grave with flowers.

panel 2: closer on max, tearful and looking down.

panel 3: pulling back we see the sun setting over the desert floor.

cap: i just wanted to tell you that i think i’m in love with you.

panel 4: cut to the plate of food.


page seven:
panel 1: back in the present, the father is standing holding his wallet and the bill. Max is still looking down.

father: i’m gonna pay, you finish up your toast.

panel 2: on max, emotion is in his eyes and almost to the verge of crying

vo: are you done with that?

panel 3: the girl is now standing beside the table with her hand on the plate. SHe is sort of smiling.

girl: can i take you’re plate?

max: ...

girl: are you okay?

panel 4: on the girl sort of concerned>

max: i’m not crying.

cap: stupid.

girl: do you want me to wrap up your toast?

panel 5: pull back to both. Max looking up.

max: you’re beautiful.

page eight:
panel 1: same shot only the father has walked in the shot.

father: ready to go son?

panel 2: Close up on Max looking down and in a dream like state. we see reflections on the window of buildings blurring by.

cap: the next day we left new mexico and went home. I never saw that girl again.

panel 3: cut to his hand holding a bag with the toast in it.

cap: i kept the bag of toast in my room for a week until my mom found the bag and tossed it.

panel 4: pull back to the green and white bronco driving down the desert highway, max peering out of the back seat.

cap: I’ve been through Santa Fe many times since. i don’t remember what i ate that day and i don’t even know where in Santa fe the small diner is. I remember the strawberry jam, the toast, a adolescent dream and a face that I have yet to forget.