anyone good at writing letters?

[awinner]

Somebody thought I should change the following:


Quote:
We will be staying at your property from March 23rd – March 27th, and it would mean so much to me if you could make it as special as it has been in the past at your other properties whether it is an upgrade to a suite or even access to club/concierge lounge. I know that with the reputation that the “W” has you will do whatever in your power you can to make sure we both have the time of our lives.



to something similar to this:


Quote:
We will be staying at your property from March 23rd – March 27th, and it would mean so much to us if you could make every effort to make this visit as special as our past stays at your other properties. The reputation of the “W” is that you will do whatever you can to make sure we both have the time of our lives and we very much look forward to enjoying all your property has to offer.

what do you think...keep what I had and ask directly, or beat around the bush and ask casually?