WTF Stories of the Week

[JWBear]

Or he was bionic!

[CoasterMatt]

Man Self Decapitates!

Full story here.

Chainsaws shouldn't be used as beard trimmers.

[€uroMeinke]

Originally Posted by CoasterMatt

Man Self Decapitates!

Full story here.

Chainsaws shouldn't be used as beard trimmers.

Guess I know what I'll be getting for Xmas

[Capt Jack]

perhaps its just my suspicious nature, but my first thought.........he knew that once the place was leveled, "something" would be discovered...and linked to him? perhaps even something pertaining to said chainsaw? hmmmmmmm


oh, and personally, if Im gonna off myself......a chainsaw, while dramatic and all that rot, isnt really a method on my preferred list.

[Gemini Cricket]

How the hell do you cut your own head off with a chainsaw?!
Wouldn't you stop halfway through the neck because you're already dead?

[LashStoat]

Originally Posted by Gemini Cricket

How the hell do you cut your own head off with a chainsaw?!
Wouldn't you stop halfway through the neck because you're already dead?

Dear GC,

Bear and I watched a DVD called "Hostel" by Qentin Tarrantino. I spent most of the movie peering through my fingers or watching the reflection upside-down in the glass-topped coffee table.

If you require instruction on "incredibly gruesome things to do to yourself and others with a chainsaw" then rent this sucker. Oh...and I reckon MythBusters could easily demonstrate that an individual could top 'emselves quite easily...after all, we are talking about a couple of feet of totally exposed fast moving metal teeth.

Chainsaws scare the pants of me...

Love and hugs,

The Stoat XXX.

[Alex]

It's all in the arm speed.

Though I can think of several gravity methods that would get the trick done.

[Gemini Cricket]

Ew!

[LashStoat]

This is a true story…

Stoat: "Hi, I'd like to speak to Janet"
Telephonist: "Janet's on holidays"
Stoat: "Oh...Ok, can I speak to someone else in her department?"
Telephonist: "Well, let me see, hmmm…Nicole”
Stoat: “Yes, Ok, I’ll speak to Nicole”
Telephonist: “I’ll put you on hold…”

[heavy metal din rattles my fillings for 5 minutes]

Not Nicole: “Hi, this is the Communications Department”
Stoat: “Hi Nicole, I need some legal advice”
Not Nicole: “This is not Nicole, it’s Julie”
Stoat: “Sorry Julie, I was told that I’d be speaking to Nicole”
Julie: “Nicole doesn’t work here any more”
Stoat: “Well I actually wanted to speak to Janet, but she’s on holidays”
Julie: “No she’s not – she’s in today”
Stoat: “Oh good – may I speak with her?”
Julie: “Sorry, Janet’s on another call right now”
Stoat: “Well, I can hold until she’s available”
Julie: “I’ll put you on hold…”

[heavy metal din rattles my fillings for 5 minutes]

Not Julie: “How can I help you?”
Stoat: “Hi Julie?...I was waiting for Janet”
Not Julie: “This not Julie, this is Christina…Julie has gone to lunch”
Stoat: “Christina, may I please speak to Janet?”
Christina: “Janet is on holidays”
Stoat: “But Julie told me that Janet was on another call”
Christina: “Look..can someone else help you? Nicole is available”
Stoat: “But Julie told me that Nicole doesn’t work there anymore”
Christina: “I’ll put you on hold…”

[heavy metal din rattles my fillings for 10 minutes]

Stoat: “Hi Christina?...what’s the deal with Nicole?”
Not Christina: “This is not Christina, this is Trudy”
Stoat: “Sorry Trudy, I was after Janet”
Trudy: “Janet’s knocked off for the day”
Stoat: “Well when should I call back?”
Trudy: “Janet will be on holidays for two weeks…
Stoat: [silence]

Trudy: "Can someone else help you?”
Stoat: “God might have – but I think he has forsaken me – click”

[Alex]

Minor point of clarification. Hostel is an Eli Roth film. I suspect a Tarantino version would have more artistic value and not be just torture porn (and I use that in the cinematic rather than actual pornography sense to avoid the long conversation that happened last time I said torture porn).