The Un-Interview

[Matterhorn Fan]

Q: So, the Tiki Room is back from refurb, and word has it that you didn't make it to the Tiki Meet. Just where were you, anyways?
A: At a Wal-Mart in Germany.

Q: So, did you go there for their singles-night thing? Was it the German Wal-Marts that did that, or was that somewhere in the Midwest? I remember hearing something about that on NPR.
A: Please. I refuse to sink to your level in order to answer that.

Q: I’ll take that as a yes. Can we meet your new beau? Will you bring him to Disneyland?
A: I thought about it, but then I thought better.

Q: Good call. Back to Disneyland, then. What’s your favorite treat from the Dole Stand?
A: Applesauce.

Q: But they don’t sell applesauce there. Perhaps you should try a Dole Float and take it with you into the Tiki Room.
A: I'd say that would be unwise.

Q: Why? It’s not like the birds would peck your eyes out or anything. I mean, you could take the Dole Whip onto the Jungle Cruise instead, if you like.
A: I did that once. The monkey didn't like it.

Q: Nonsense! I hear monkeys love Dole Whip. So, have you seen the Tiki Room since it reopened?
A: I couldn't live without it.

Q: Was that you who danced around the fountain during “Let’s All Sing Like the Birdies Sing”?
A: What else could I have done? If you were in that situation, you'd do it too.