The Un-Interview

[Ghoulish Delight]

I want a do over. I treated each question separately, didn't think to make it a coherent interview. Now I wanna try that.

Where could I find the cheapest box of corn flakes around AND an Adolf Hitler action figure?

At a Wall-Mart in Germany.

Don't you think Hitler would have endorsed Wal-Mart as a means to his final solution?

Please. I refuse to sink to your level in order to answer that.

Are you planning on creating a shoebox diarama of Auschwitz using the Hitler action figure?

I thought about it, but then I thought better.

What were you going to use to represent the vomit from all of the sick inamtes?

Applesauce.

Would you consider contacting Simon Weisenthal and request he subsidise the diarama?

I'd say that would be unwise.

What about something grander and more educational? Like, say, an all-primate re-enactment of Hitler's last days?

I did that once. The monkey didn't like it.

Wal-Mart is considering recalling the Hitler action figure. Would you comply and return yours?

I couldn't live without it.

You threw a bottle of applesauce at a group of demonstrators outside of the Wal-Mart. Do you regret that?

What else could I have done? If you were in that situation, you'd do it too.