Feeling goofy - post your favorite lame jokes here - Page 2

Prudence · 04-21-2005, 02:45 PM

Once upon a time the Carrot family was taking a walk. There was Mama Carrot, Papa Carrot, and Baby Carrot. The Carrot family was enjoying the fresh air and their time together when suddenly, out of nowhere, a car came skidding around the corner, ran right over poor Papa Carrot, and drove off without stopping.

"Oh no!" cried Baby Carrot.

"Oh dear!" cried Mama Carrot.

The ambulance came and whisked Papa Carrot off to the hospital. Mama Carrot and Baby Carrot waited anxiously in the waiting room for new of poor Papa Carrot's condition. Finally, the doctor came out to speak with them.

"Well," said the doctor to Mama Carrot, "I have good news and bad news."

"Tell us!" exclaimed Mama Carrot. "How is Papa Carrot?"

"The good news," said the doctor, "is that Papa Carrot is going to live. The bad news is that he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

LSPoorEeyorick · 04-21-2005, 03:17 PM

A grasshopper walks into a bar.

The bartender looks up and smiles at the grasshopper. "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper's eyes brighten. "Really? You have a drink named Pete!?"

Prudence · 04-21-2005, 03:23 PM

Three guys walk into a bar.

Which is pretty funny, because you figure after the first two had knocked themselves out the third would have gotten a clue.

mousepod · 04-21-2005, 03:29 PM

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"

scaeagles · 04-21-2005, 03:56 PM

Not a joke, per se, but something that happened long ago on....gosh, drawing a blank on the name of the show....hosted by Groucho Marks.

A lady was being introduced and she mantioned she had 11 kids.

"11 kids??? Are you crazy?" asked Groucho.

"No, I just love my husband," she replied.

"Well," Groucho repsonded, "I like my cigar a lot but I take it out every once in a while."

Ghoulish Delight · 04-21-2005, 04:12 PM

I presume that was "You Bet Your Life" you're thinking of?

scaeagles · 04-21-2005, 04:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

I presume that was "You Bet Your Life" you're thinking of?

Yes, indeed it is.

mousepod · 04-21-2005, 04:15 PM

Judge: Mr. Mouse, I'm sorry but insanity is not grounds for divorce in the State of California.

Spoiler:

Scrooge McSam · 04-21-2005, 04:22 PM

Two statues stood in the park, lovers forever separated, but each reaching for the other. One bright morning an angel looked down from heaven and was struck by the beauty and pathos of their plight. She decided to grant them each life for a short period, permitting them to commune together if just for a few brief moments. In an instant, it was done. Life, but for an houir.

A raised eyebrow and a shy smile later, they both rushed off into the bushes beside the path from whence began much giggling and shaking of brush.

With sheepish grins, they appeared back on the path. The angel said "But children, you have a few more moments to be together. Your hour is not up. Use this time for it is all you will have".

"Cool" exclaimed the boy statue, and then to his lover "but this time, you hold the pigeon down, and I'LL sh*t on its head"

jdramj · 04-21-2005, 05:21 PM

4 baseball fans are standing together at the edge of a cliff. A Yankees fan, a Red Sox fan, a Cardinals fan, and a Cubs fan. The Red Sox fan says "I'm going to show you what a great Red Sox fan I am", and he jumps over the cliff. Not to be outdone, the Yankees fan says "I'll show him what a great Yankees fan I am" and he jumps over the cliff. Well not to be out done by either of these teams fans, the Cubs fan says "Oh yeah I'll show them what a great Cubs fan I am" and he picks up the Cardinal's fan and throws him over the cliff.

04-21-2005, 02:45 PM	#1
Prudence Beelzeboobs, Esq. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Gavel - I haz it Posts: 6,287	Once upon a time the Carrot family was taking a walk. There was Mama Carrot, Papa Carrot, and Baby Carrot. The Carrot family was enjoying the fresh air and their time together when suddenly, out of nowhere, a car came skidding around the corner, ran right over poor Papa Carrot, and drove off without stopping. "Oh no!" cried Baby Carrot. "Oh dear!" cried Mama Carrot. The ambulance came and whisked Papa Carrot off to the hospital. Mama Carrot and Baby Carrot waited anxiously in the waiting room for new of poor Papa Carrot's condition. Finally, the doctor came out to speak with them. "Well," said the doctor to Mama Carrot, "I have good news and bad news." "Tell us!" exclaimed Mama Carrot. "How is Papa Carrot?" "The good news," said the doctor, "is that Papa Carrot is going to live. The bad news is that he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life." __________________ traguna macoities tracorum satis de
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04-21-2005, 03:17 PM	#2
LSPoorEeyorick scribblin' Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: in the moment Posts: 3,872	A grasshopper walks into a bar. The bartender looks up and smiles at the grasshopper. "Hey, we have a drink named after you!" The grasshopper's eyes brighten. "Really? You have a drink named Pete!?"
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04-21-2005, 03:23 PM	#3
Prudence Beelzeboobs, Esq. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Gavel - I haz it Posts: 6,287	Three guys walk into a bar. Which is pretty funny, because you figure after the first two had knocked themselves out the third would have gotten a clue. __________________ traguna macoities tracorum satis de
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04-21-2005, 03:29 PM	#4
mousepod You broke your Ramadar! Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 4,635	A horse walks into a bar. The bartender asks, "Why the long face?" __________________ "Give the public everything you can give them, keep the place as clean as you can keep it, keep it friendly" - Walt Disney
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04-21-2005, 03:56 PM	#5
scaeagles I LIKE! Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,819	Not a joke, per se, but something that happened long ago on....gosh, drawing a blank on the name of the show....hosted by Groucho Marks. A lady was being introduced and she mantioned she had 11 kids. "11 kids??? Are you crazy?" asked Groucho. "No, I just love my husband," she replied. "Well," Groucho repsonded, "I like my cigar a lot but I take it out every once in a while."
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04-21-2005, 04:12 PM	#6
Ghoulish Delight I Floop the Pig Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Alternative Swankstyle Posts: 19,348	I presume that was "You Bet Your Life" you're thinking of? __________________ 'He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me.' -TJ
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04-21-2005, 04:15 PM	#8
mousepod You broke your Ramadar! Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 4,635	Judge: Mr. Mouse, I'm sorry but insanity is not grounds for divorce in the State of California. Spoiler: Mickey: I didn't say Minnie was crazy! I said she was fvcking Goofy! __________________ "Give the public everything you can give them, keep the place as clean as you can keep it, keep it friendly" - Walt Disney
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04-21-2005, 04:22 PM	#9
Scrooge McSam What? Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 1,635	Two statues stood in the park, lovers forever separated, but each reaching for the other. One bright morning an angel looked down from heaven and was struck by the beauty and pathos of their plight. She decided to grant them each life for a short period, permitting them to commune together if just for a few brief moments. In an instant, it was done. Life, but for an houir. A raised eyebrow and a shy smile later, they both rushed off into the bushes beside the path from whence began much giggling and shaking of brush. With sheepish grins, they appeared back on the path. The angel said "But children, you have a few more moments to be together. Your hour is not up. Use this time for it is all you will have". "Cool" exclaimed the boy statue, and then to his lover "but this time, you hold the pigeon down, and I'LL sh*t on its head"
	Submit to Quotes

04-21-2005, 05:21 PM	#10
jdramj Trying to sleep Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 201	4 baseball fans are standing together at the edge of a cliff. A Yankees fan, a Red Sox fan, a Cardinals fan, and a Cubs fan. The Red Sox fan says "I'm going to show you what a great Red Sox fan I am", and he jumps over the cliff. Not to be outdone, the Yankees fan says "I'll show him what a great Yankees fan I am" and he jumps over the cliff. Well not to be out done by either of these teams fans, the Cubs fan says "Oh yeah I'll show them what a great Cubs fan I am" and he picks up the Cardinal's fan and throws him over the cliff.
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