Feeling goofy - post your favorite lame jokes here

[scaeagles]

Why did they cancel the leper football game?

Spoiler:

There was a hand-off at the 50.

Why did they cancel the leper hockey game?

Spoiler:

There was a face-off in the corner.

Why did they cancel the leper basketball game?

Spoiler:

There was a loose ball on the court.

[mousepod]

Did you hear about the leper cowboy?

Spoiler:

He threw his leg over his horse

[Not Afraid]

Dress Code for Old Folks





Many of us "Old Folks" (those over 40, WAY over 40 or on the way to 50) are quite confused about how we should present ourselves. We're unsure about the kind of image we are projecting and whether or not we are correct as we try to conform to current fashions.



Despite what you may have seen on the streets, the following combinations DO NOT go together and should be avoided:



1. A nose ring and bifocals

2. Spiked hair and bald spots

3. A pierced tongue and dentures

4. Miniskirts and support hose

5. Ankle bracelets and corn pads

6. Speedo's and cellulite

7. A belly button ring and a gall bladder surgery scar

8. Unbuttoned disco shirts and a heart monitor

9. Midriff shirts and a midriff bulge

10. Pierced nipples that hang below the waist

11. Bikinis and liver spots

12. Short shorts and varicose veins

13. Inline skates and a walker





And the ultimate "Bad Taste" in fashion for the "Older Folks".

14. Thongs and Depends

[Baileykat]

Originally Posted by scaeagles

Why did they cancel the leper football game?

Spoiler:

There was a hand-off at the 50.

Why did they cancel the leper hockey game?

Spoiler:

There was a face-off in the corner.

Why did they cancel the leper basketball game?

Spoiler:

There was a loose ball on the court.

Are you taking those narcotics again?

[scaeagles]

Originally Posted by Baileykat

Are you taking those narcotics again?

Actually, I am quite amazed at how long it is taking my body to metabolize completely the ones I did take.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

This thread needs Tramspotting.

Me, I never remember jokes, but I love hearing them.

[Prudence]

Once upon a time the Carrot family was taking a walk. There was Mama Carrot, Papa Carrot, and Baby Carrot. The Carrot family was enjoying the fresh air and their time together when suddenly, out of nowhere, a car came skidding around the corner, ran right over poor Papa Carrot, and drove off without stopping.

"Oh no!" cried Baby Carrot.

"Oh dear!" cried Mama Carrot.

The ambulance came and whisked Papa Carrot off to the hospital. Mama Carrot and Baby Carrot waited anxiously in the waiting room for new of poor Papa Carrot's condition. Finally, the doctor came out to speak with them.

"Well," said the doctor to Mama Carrot, "I have good news and bad news."

"Tell us!" exclaimed Mama Carrot. "How is Papa Carrot?"

"The good news," said the doctor, "is that Papa Carrot is going to live. The bad news is that he'll be a vegetable for the rest of his life."

[LSPoorEeyorick]

A grasshopper walks into a bar.

The bartender looks up and smiles at the grasshopper. "Hey, we have a drink named after you!"

The grasshopper's eyes brighten. "Really? You have a drink named Pete!?"

[Prudence]

Three guys walk into a bar.

Which is pretty funny, because you figure after the first two had knocked themselves out the third would have gotten a clue.

[mousepod]

A horse walks into a bar.

The bartender asks, "Why the long face?"