Happy Birthday Marquis de Sade!

[mousepod]

And this big steel-tailed Minski, he's sittin' there
suckin' up all this juice and blowin' all this gold around
and finally he turned to these two pretty little chicks and these two wild studs
and say, "You know I dig you two chicks and you two cats.
You look like you with it all the way."

They say, "We dig you, too, sir, 'cause you know how to live.
You know how to lay your gold out, man, live it up, that's what we say."

"Yeah, that's right."

Say, "I got a big party pad over the hill here.
Everything to have a good time with."

He say, "How'd you like to join me out?"

They say, "How long can we stay?"

He say, "Long as you like!"

So they paid the tab and they split out of the joint
and these two studs and two chicks,
they're expecting this wild stud to call a golden chariot
and the twelve horses and out-riders and all that jazz.

Instead of that he turns out to be a Mohican head
and takes right off through the mother primeval
and does about ninteen tail-breakin' miles over hill and dale
and if you turned 'em loose an hour after they started
they'd never found their way back.
So they're forced to go with the cat.

And finally come to a black lake with a blue boat on it.

And Minski say, "Get in!"

Now these cats is all shook up. Their pants is ripped.
They're sick. They're tired. They're hungry.

They are SO HUNGRY!

They'd eat a caterpillar sandwich like you or I'd do ham 'n eggs.

They are starvin' to death, but they with this mad mother,
and they don't want to, you know, make no trouble with him.

So they with him. And these two studs get in the front of the boat,
and Minski take the tiller.

BOOM. The boat shoots out into the middle of the lake.

And the two cats sayin', "Man, I'm so hungry!"

"You hungry? Man, I'm about ready to die!"

"You body ache?"

"My body aches so bad, say, I don't know."

Say, "What, the cat's cool. He ain't made no bad move yet."

"No, he ain't make no bad move."

Say, "Da cat's alright."

Say, "What's that out on the water?"

Say, "It looks like a cloud tied to the water."

The other cat says, "Man, can't you see?"

He say, "Whadda ya mean?"

He say, "That's a WALL!"

And it WAS a wall!

It was a wall to stop all walls!
It was a wall about eleven-hundred-damn-ninety-two foot high.
A cloud-pushin' mother and God knows how thick.
With a small uranium door in it, you know what I mean.

And the boat slide up to it and Minski take his big old long stalk leg
and he kick the big button and the door swung open,
and WHOOOOSH, they go through and KABANG -
that mother slammed like doomsday's break!

And they finally come to another big deep underground.

BOOM, that one slam and they come to a drawbridge.
BRRRRT, up and down. They cross up back.

Now they come to a wall so tall it take seventeen French acrobats
to see the top of this mother with a small rang-a-dang door in it.

And they open that door and, Boom, they slipped through
and Boom that mother slammed
and the minute it did he turned to them and he said:

"I'm the baddest cat in this world!"

"There ain't nothin' I ain't done."

He said, "I'm a cross-loader, and a hanger'upper,
and a slip-slider, and a double-dealer"

And he say, "I made every bad move there is to make."

He said, "I've done in my brother. I've done in my sister.
I've done in my DONE-INS!"

"I been all over this here world studying scientifically how to be a bad cat."

"I'm the King of Bad Cats!"

"But," he say, "You my buddy cats. Sit down."

Boom. They did.

And the minute they sit down they did a real wild take.
'Cause they found out that the chairs they was sittin' in
was composed of skeleton bones!

So they did a four-way take on him.

Say, "I did in them cats last week."

Then he say, "I suppose you cats is hungry."

They say, "If you ready, we ready, but if you ain't ready we ain't ready,
but if you's ready, we's ready, but if you ain't ready we ain't READY!"

He said, "Well, I got a big feast prepared for your cats."

He said, "I know you hungry."

They say, "We is hungry, sir, there ain't no lyin' about that."

He said, "Well, I know you is gourmet heads."

They say, "We do enjoy good food."

"Well," he say, "We might as well go in and dine. Come with me."

So he open a big old door and there's a room about forty feet wide
and eighty-five feet long in the middle of which stood a banquet table
that was loaded with Goody City!

It had a hundred and twenty-two Japanese wing-ding dinners
and a hundred and twenty-seven Christmas dinners,
and twenty-two Thanksgiving dinners, and Chinese lung-gow,
and all them goodies just steamin'
and these cats took a bang of that
and almost passed right out on the silver, and they were flippin'!

And about twenty-seven chicks naked as jays
swingin' uranium trays and deranium trays and who-ranium trays
and puttin' more goodies on this table.

So Minski, this big steel-tailed stud,
he walked down to the end of the table.
And he's standin' there.
They're standing over at the right hand side of the table about four feet away from it.
And about six feet away from the wall in back of them was five chairs
and he say, "Chairs! Come here!"

And the chairs went, mmmmmmmmmmm.

So he says, "Siddown!"

Boom! And they did.

And when they sat down they really did the take to end all takes,
for they found out that the chairs they was sittin' on was composed of

CHICKS!

carefully woven together!

About this time Minski say, "Table! Come here!"

And the whole table to MMMMMMMMMMMMM.
And they look at the table and they find out the same gig is goin' there
but by this time they are so hungry they are so starved to get something in their belly,
make the brain work, that's all, get some fuel going there,
make the wheels turn, don't worry about a thing.
You got all this food.
We're gonna eat.
We'll talk it over later!

So Minski sit down here and by this time he knocked out about nine bottles of juice.

He said, "Well, whatcha think of these goodies?"

And they say, "Crazy! It is so insane crazy!
I never smelled anything so aromatic in all my born days!"

Say, "Insane, crazy!"

And he say, "Well, I know you are gourmet heads
so I got somethin' prepared for you that is wild."

They say, "We know it, sir."

And he said, "Furthermore, let me hip you to this...."

"What's that, sir?"

He say, "You see all these goodies on this table?"

They say, "Yeah."

He say, "You see all these culinary effects, with smells and all these wild colors?"

And they say, "Yes, sir."

He said, "Well, I'm gonna hip you further
that when you take your first bite you ain't gonna dig it,
but surely enough, if you take that second bite, zap, you're hooked!"

They said, "We know it, sir."

He said, "Each and every piece of great crazy food that you see on this table
is composed of one thing and one thing only: THE HUMAN FLESH!"

Brbbdummaadumadummmmmmaaaaaaaa!!!!!

"Well, I suppose it can't be no different than stuffed chicken!"

He say, "Pass me that rump of small boy over there!"