Anti-flag burning amendment passes first hurdle

[Prudence]

I predict that this will pass. Fully and completely.

Because the American people have apparently decided that they no longer want liberty. They've grown up in a privileged society, so far removed from true tyranny that gosh, a benevolent dictatorship doesn't sound that bad, does it?

Gosh, there could be rules and laws to make sure your neighbors didn't paint their house the wrong color, or invite any of THOSE people over to play in the neighborhood pool, or park any older model cars where they might actually be seen.

And everyone could be monitored to make sure they didn't have any bad habits that might have a social cost down the line. After all, if we erradicate junk food, we'll erradicate disease! If you get cancer or diabetes, you must have been sneaking in some black market junk food and you deserve your fate.

Personally, I long for the days when we can rid our country of our most pressing scourge -- activist judges. All those black-robed commies giving aid and comfort to our enemies by support flag desecration. Why, let's impeach them! Let's show them what we do to national traitors!

Let's go back to those Puritan ideals this country was founded on. Let's be the shining city on a hill, the model of a fully functional Christian theocracy. Let us return to mandatory church attendance and public shaming.

And with those activist judges out of the picture, let's bring back trial by ordeal! After all, God loves this country best and will spare the lives of all TRUE innocents.

It truly is better when everyone knows their place. And the only people afraid of unannounced surveillance or national ID cards are criminals. After all, if you just follow the very simple rules you'll have nothing to worry about! Just speak when spoken to from this script of pre-approved phrases.

Let us scrape away the stain of the sin they call "progress." Because progressive thinking is permissive thinking. And if people can do whatever they want, they they'll do things we don't like. They'll talk to people we don't approve of. They'll say things we don't want to hear.

And that would just be un-American.