Total Serious Happy Thread

[Alex]

Hey, I'm honest with my bosses. First day with any new boss I tell them some version of this (exact wording changes but bluntness is the same):

"I will know how well I'm doing. I know when I'm doing my job well and when I'm not. If you think I'm not, let me know right away. If you think I am, you can blow sunshine up my ass all year and while I won't stop you I won't care. Do not nominate me for awards with prizes that are heavy hunks of plastic that'll I just throw away or free trips to corporate retreats because spending drunken time doing team building exercises with people I--at best--barely know is not a reward. So you won't hurt my feelings if you don't tell me every week how wonderfully I'm doing. I work because you pay me, so the way you tell me that I'm doing a good job is you pay me more. I won't negotiate with you for salary, I won't request raises, but if I know the opportunity was there and I didn't get one or I know I got less than average I'll assume that means I'm doing a bad job and if I don't think that's the case I'll assume you don't appreciate the good job I'm doing."

So far, it has worked out very well. I get big raises and bonuses when they're available. I have no ugly plastic awards on my desk. And I've never attended a black tie function in an exotic locale with people I don't want to be with.