Spare a thought for poor Susie-Ann Krellingshaw.

[Snowflake]

Susie-Ann, you are such an inspiration! You're rock, scissors and paper all rolled into one!

[lashbear]

Yeah! But she can't tap-dance, Play Harmonica, AND bottle pickles for sh!t !!

[lashbear]

PS: Kevy - Stoat was copying from Word, and has since changed to notepad instead. Hence the font change. Word is stoopid.

[lindyhop]

[Not Afraid]

When life gives you pickles.........

[LashStoat]

…In a letter from Susie-Ann to me, after “Shoot the Stars”:

“Dear Uncle Sthtoat” (she has a lisp OK – don’t knock it – in goes the Babel Fish, and hence everything she says will sound perfectly Britith…ummm…”Testing testing 123”…British)

“I have since determined the flaw in my “Shoot the Stars” act. I should have chosen a more up-tempo dance track”. (OK LoTters, send ideas for good tap music, and if you say “Handel’s Water Music” I’ll give you ever such a pinch. Knock yourselves out. She did).

“Plastic Bertrand’s Ca plane pour moi was just too slow to synchronise with pickle-jar filling”, she goes on to say.

Apparently S-A has since written an essay (pun intended) on the effects of gravity versus the viscosity of falling tomato relish, and expounds the theory that she requires a backing track of precisely 9/4 time to achieve the desired effect on stage without mishap. This, apparently coupled with a switch to a Jew’s Harp and Dill pickles will fit the bill, or so she asserts. I must say her sources of reference are impressive as they include data from the Albuquerque Glass Company and the Iowa Country Women’s Association (Preservation Branch, Relishes Sub-Committee, headed by Eulalie Mackechnie Shinn).

“I am confident that the routine will be floor-less [sic] if I can acquire the speed”.

Now, Dear LoTters, how do I tell my little adoring TDHPPB (yes, there’s a prize for guessing what that acronym means) fan that she needs to find a drug-peddling neighborhood pimp to get her hands on the speed?

…and more to the point, can she afford enough for the audience so they can appreciate her …umm… talent?

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Ah, the first part is easy, since you don't need to deal with riff-raff to get speedy. Tell Susie Ann to dress in her brightest colors (colours) and gaudiest jewelry (djooolree) and give Super K a call. I'm sure he can help her figure out a local party involving the meds she needs. She just has to make sure she gets the real thing...

As for affording enough - If she can tap dance to Happy Hardcore and give out water bottles to needy candykids, she just might be given anything and everything she needs.

All that said, just say no to drugs Susie Ann, until you are in college, then say yes to drugs for a while.

[lindyhop]

Tap Dancing Harmonica Playing Pickle Bottler

[blueerica]

[Kevy Baby]

See, now we're back to TNR, and I am really confused