Riding crop costumes go bye bye

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

I don't want my Fairy Godmother looking like Charlize Theron any more than I want Peter Pan looking like John Goodman. (And I use John Goodman as an example because he's always lived large and I've always had a crush on him.) Character actors should look as much like the characters as possible, though I prefer *my* characters shrouded in plush wear. I’ll hug Mickey Mouse, but the chick playing Cinderella? I just *know* she has cooties – I don’t care how plastic perfect she is.

As for the rest, all I care about is having a tour guide who doesn't have a voice that makes me want to tear out my eardrums and I want my Jungle Cruise Captain to be funny. If I prefer the Captains to be male, that’s because I like crushing on funny boys more than I like crushing on funny girls.(Though, Sarah Silverman, if you’re reading this, LOVE ME and love me HARD.) Whether I find the Pirates staff to be attractive or not really doesn't matter, since I'm *always* going to find the animatronic pirates more attractive than any of the staff.

Because I'm a pervert who loves fictional pirates AND robots.

PER-VERT!

One of my ideal guys is this:



I like 'em big, hairy, scarred and drawn.

If Disneyland still looked like it was staffed by Nazi Youth, I'd shred my pass. (And that would be a shame considering that it was a pass very kindly paid for by friends I love.)

One of my favorite Twilight Zone episodes is the one in which everyone reaches an age where they are expected to get plastic surgery, choosing from templates so that everyone winds up looking like tract housing. And the girl really, really didn't want to get the surgery and was completely pressured into it. Scary, scary, scary and NOT a world I ever want to live in.

Sure there are cultural norms and varied standards of beauty, but what we find attractive as a society and what we find attractive as individuals really shouldn't have anything to do with job hiring. That people would want to hire more attractive people makes sense. It's likely an extension of biology - survival of the fittest, seeking a partner who is healthy and symmetrical and acne free, etc. Still, one can make sense of it without wanting to adhere to it, and I'd much rather see the world change for the better than see it turn into that Twilight Zone episode. Also, my parents have beautiful skin and wound up with acne riddled children. The joke is on biology. Or, a lack of diversity in biology. Anglos should stop mating with each other, I think. "Diversity Breeds Beauty" belongs on someone's horrifying t-shirt.

I'd much rather support films like the one Heidi wants to make with the hope that it *will* change people's perceptions. And, also, I hope her movie eradicates any further use of the "fat suit" contrivance found in so many contemporary comedies. I hate them, hate them, hate them!

Does my personal taste (Goon aside) ever venture into shallow territory? All the damn time, I’m sure. Do I overuse the word “hot”? Probably. I’m sure Heidi thinks so because she dislikes the word when it's used in that context. Do I think some people are more attractive than others? Yes. Do I, at first glance, find a certain body type more attractive than another? Yeah, I guess I probably do. Do I have a specific idea in mind of how people should look? No. Do I have an idea in mind of how people should look working in certain jobs? Maybe a little. I don’t need to find my waiter mattressable, but I'd prefer him to not sport open wounds and head lice. I like fire fighters to be in good shape because I believe their job demands it. And I expect my Weasley Twins to be every bit as adorable as they are in the books, because that makes the world just and perfect; thank God for good casting.