My little Snow Pea passed away.

[innerSpaceman]

Ally,

oh hell, i can't even type the condolences i meant to. i am going through a similar situation of euthanisia decision for my cancer-ridden black lab, Peyote.


The love you shared with Snow Pea will always be a life treasure. Thank you so much for taking such amazingly good care of her, and bless you both for the inter-species bond that was a grace on this earth.

[dsnylndmom]

Oh Ally I'm so sorry! {{{{HUGS}}}}

[tracilicious]

I'm so sorry. It seems so unfair that our furry friends live such short lives. I don't even like to think of the time when my doggy babies will grow old and pass on, but that time comes so quickly.

[lindyhop]

I'm so sorry to hear this news, Ally. It's so hard to lose a pet. But it sounds like you had some great years together. I'm sending a big hug your way.

[AllyOops!]

Oh, you guys....

I mean it sincerely & with all of my heart and soul when I tell you how truly touched that I am and how much I really love you all.

I consider myself to be an emotionally pretty tough cookie, but your kind and wonderful sentiments had me in tears. I feel so fortunate not to be just part of this community, but to call each and every one of you "friend".

I've been really lonely for my little snow pea. The holiday season is especially tough, since it's usually the time of year I pine for those I've lost the most. I keep seeing little toys and goodies my little pea pod would have loved. She had a little squeaky pink fuzzy purse that she absolutely loved and use to carry everywhere (by the handle, too. It was sooo cute! ) Especially when I took her out for a ride or walk, she would always have to take her little purse like mommy. Anyways, I saw a little fuzzy mock Louie Vuitton Murakami squeaky purse that had "Chewy Vuitton" embroidered on it. It was so cute, but I had to stop myself from buying it. I have nobody to give it to. Instead, I sent a big Holiday basket packed with yummy goodies for her Veternarian and the hospital staff, wishing them a Merry Christmas and thanking them again for all that they did to make my little pea pod's life a comfortable one. At least I got to buy a Christmas gift in my pumpkin pie's honor.

My eyes are filled with tears right now.

It will be hard not to hang her little stocking. Hard to not see her sleeping all blissfully under the tree this year. Hard not to watch her little begging, pleading eyes try to score copious amounts of Christmas ham & turkey (I always stuffed her little belly with plenty.)

The hardest part is coming home to an empty house. Sleeping in a bed that's now empty. Colder. I used to allow her to sleep at the foot of my bed, but she totally felt entitled to the head of the bed, where she'd sleep in the same position as me and lay her head on the pillow. Then she'd kick me off the side practically. I miss being kicked.

I'm so grateful to have you ALL in my life. I can't think of a better Christmas gift then the support and kind words I've received from you all.

I love you!

[AllyOops!]

I'm nervous to admit this, but I'm also troubled by horrifying and graphic nightmares lately, and I wish I knew what they meant. In almost all of them, I go into my backyard, and I'm shocked to see my little snow pea, and my other late Lab, Doc, laying on the patio. They are happy, but dirty and skinny because I thought they had passed away. However, they were alive all this time and I didn't know. I never even fed them. I wake up wanting to cry because in real life my purpose and joy was taking care of my babies. Why does this happen in my dreams? In my other recurring nightmare, the same thing happens, but my little snow pea rolls over on her side and I can see through her, inside of her. She's intact, but I can see her ribs, her EVERYTHING. I see that she's sick inside and I try to rush her to the doctor's but my Stepdad tells me she probably won't make it in time. I collapse crying in his arms and tell him "I can't go through losing her again."

Why am I such an awful guardian in my dreams? Why did I just share that?

Am I alone? Has anybody gone through this? Sometimes I have wonderful, warm & pleasant dreams where I'm visited by those that I've lost. Other times, I have the kind of nightmares that actually have me wake up shaking. When I think of them, I actually begin to cry. They are just that vivid.

Is there something wrong with me?

[Prudence]

I don't think there's anything wrong with you. Or, if there is, we're both in the same boat. I sometimes dream about bad things happening to my cats, especially Boris. Most of the time it's that people break in, steal our stuff, and kill the cats and leave them in front of the door all staked out for me to find. Or there was the time I dreamt that someone had shaved Boris and was burning him all over with cigarettes. And he was all good and sweet to me, even though I'd left him with people who mistreated him. It bothers me even to think about those dreams. But I hope it doesn't mean I'm bad.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Ally, sweetie. You've been through some rough times. Looks like you can't let go of some guilt you're harboring, even though you have no reason to feel guilty where your sweet dogs are concerned. It's obvious you took wonderful, loving care of them.

I'm sure someone close to you has already recommended that you get a new pet, but that's something you'd need to be ready for. I can't tell you that it's exactly what you need, but perhaps, if you were pouring your love into some new pet, you would be able to move on?

I hope you find a way to make your grieving process easier. No one deserves nightmares like that.

[blueerica]

/hug Ally

I always look at dreams like those as kind of a key to your inner thoughts. Sadly, they are gone, however, you always need to nourish the wonderful times you spent with them in your heart and in your mind. I know you love them, and think about them a lot, but perhaps it's a fear locked away in your mind... a sort of walking away kind of fear.. ?

/hugs

[Not Afraid]

Ally, honey, you've got to let go and let your babies live in peace in doggie heaven. You seem to be trying to hang on to what you've lost and, as a result, it is torturing your sleep and conscious. It's not a bad thing to let go. It's certainly a leap of faith, but it is better for everyone if you grieve and move on. There are plenty of things still in this world that need your love.