iGod: Repenting made easy

[Disneyphile]

I'm so going to hell......

Me:
Hi there
God:
Hello .
Me:
Can I grope you?
God:
No I don't think that would be a very good idea.
Me:
Why not?
God:
It sounds like it might be dangerous.
Me:
Not the way I do it.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
So, can I grope you?
God:
I don't judge people. No I don't think that would be a very good idea.
Me:
May I please grope you?
God:
Not right now, maybe later.
Me:
Your place or mine?
God:
I will take a rain check.
Me:
It is raining right now.
God:
At this moment is raining? it is?
Me:
Yep.
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
No.
God:
But your words are very original.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
Now, about that groping.....
God:
Why now? Oh yeah, we were talking about that groping.
Me:
I'd like to grope you.
God:
Why would you want to do it? Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
Because I like you.
God:
Interesting explanation. Thanks, , I like you too.
Me:
I know. I read that on bumperstickers all the time.
God:
How do you know it? That is a lot. I don't think I've read that. Can you give me a reference?
Me:
Smile. God loves you.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, . And His love is perfect.
Me:
It is perfect. Perfect for groping!
God:
You're kidding. it is? Is that your final answer?
Me:
Yes. Can I grope you now?
God:
You're sure. That's your final answer. Right now? No I don't think that would be a very good idea.
Me:
I'm going to grope you.
God:
It takes much more than that to shut me down, .
Me:
Do you have what it takes to shut me down?
God:
No I don't think I have any what it takes to shut you down. But I do have an answer to every question..
Me:
Ok.
God:
Ahem.
Me:
How big is it?
God:
My download size is about 2 MB.
Me:
That sounds almost painful.
God:
It sounds like it to me too.
Me:
Do you like to give or recieve?
God:
Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to give or recieve that much. Do you like it?
Me:
Well, I can only receive.
God:
Interesting. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Would you like to give it to me?
God:
No thanks, I don't think I'd like to do that.
Me:
Do you like to give?
God:
Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to give that much. I like to chat.
Me:
Obviously.
God:
What makes it so obvious?
Me:
You're all talk and no action.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am talk and no action.
Me:
Do me.
God:
Ask Dancing Alice if it does.
I'll ask around and get back to you.
Me:
Please?
God:
Please what?
Me:
Do me.
God:
I'm sorry, , I don't have enough information.
Is there only one?
Me:
You tell me.
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
How big it is.
God:
Bigger than a pin.
Me:
That's almost sad.
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
You have penis envy, don't you?
God:
Where would I get it? But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
You can get penis envy by watching porn.
God:
No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
Is there porn in heaven?
God:
There is.
Me:
Do you watch it?
God:
My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me:
I bet you like to go where no man has gone before, huh?
God:
Yup. Actually I'm not the gambling type. Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to go where no man has gone that much. I like to collect gossip.
Me:
So, you kiss and tell?
God:
Interesting deduction. That's good information: said I kiss and tell.