What's an antiquated programmer to do?

[Gemini Cricket]

-Arrive early.
-Wear a tie or a suit.
-Smile.
-Only talk about those no-no subjects if they bring it up first.
-Don't shake someone's hand with clamy, cold hands. Run them under warm water beforehand.
-Use that charm you said you have.
-Don't be sweaty.
-Prep yourself on some of the questions you know they're going to ask you. (Why you want to work here, why did you leave your last position, why should we higher you, etc.)
-Give him/her eye contact.
-Don't fart during the interview process. In fact, don't eat greasy or gas inducing foods prior to your interview. Even a supressed fart can be audible.