Dear:

[Prudence]

Dear grant office:

I'm sorry that my monthly report request is such an enormous burden on you that you felt it necessary to a) make snarky comments about my request and b) include those comments when you forwarded to me your request to call you about it.

However, you are the grant office. You are the *only* office on campus that knows which industry-sponsored clinical trials ultimately receive funding. I need that list in order to determine which studies to bill for their IRB fee. I have to do it this way because YOUR OFFICE, when setting up this plan, didn't think to set up a system for fee collection.

Furthermore, the office to which the fees are owed was, until last July, part of your office. So, until you spun them off into their own unit, they were part of you. If you hadn't done that, you'd have to do this report anyhow because I'm sure you'd want the tens of thousands of dollars (that make up the ENTIRE operations budget that is now $40K in the red because of missing fees) if they were going into your budget.

AND, your office is subordinate to mine. You are a subordinate unit in the University-wide Office of Research. I've got my marching orders from the Vice Provost and she's your boss, too. She wants this done, and I doubt she'll be pleased when I inform her that you refused to help. Particularly after Friday's "team building" retreat where we all were encouraged to work together. That includes you, by the way.

I'm sorry that academic units badger you for reports because they don't maintain their own databases. This is hardly the same situation, as should be perfectly clear from the information requested and the units making the request. Perhaps if you had considered the fee collection process when concocting this scheme I wouldn't need to be making this request, so step off, beeyotch.

No love AT ALL,
Me.

[Ponine]

Dear LoT friends,
Yes I reusrected a very old thread. I ran across it in search and I liked it.

~ponine


Dear Weather,
Enough is enough. I am melting, as is most of my city. It was more tolerable in Las Vegas than it is here right now.

Dear Family of mine that I adore,
Back off.
Its hot, and I am already cranky. Do me a favor and behave so that I dont stress out on top of everything else.
And buy ice cream. Please.

Love, ME

[tracilicious]

Dear Ponine,
I loved this thread. Thanks for resurrecting it.

Dear Yoga,
I don't feel like doing you tonight

Dear Michael,
Thanks in advance for cleaning the house. (hint!)

Much love,
Traci

[Morrigoon]

Dear nose,

I get it. It's allergy season. You can stop now. And by stop I do not mean running things down my throat into my lungs. I really don't appreciate being made to appear as if I have consumption. The tragic beauty "La Boheme" thing just isn't my style. Thanks.

~Goonie

[Morrigoon]

Dear Ponine,

I have noted somewhat amusingly that unless one takes note of the year, this thread appears to be quite recent, and in perfect chronological order to boot.

Well done,
The Goon


Dear ankles,

Being annoying and sore will not get me to take off these strappy sandals here at the office, and if you persist in irritating me, I'll dress nicely for work every day.

Think about it,

Me

[Kevy Baby]

Doe, a dear...

[katiesue]

Dear Me,

Clean up your room it's a disaster.

Sincerely,
Me

[Morrigoon]

Dear Oriental Trading Company:

Please fire whoever designed the products on pages 5 and 6. While you're at it, please do the same with whoever decided to put those products in your "business edition" catalog.

Sincerely,
Morri

[LSPoorEeyorick]

Dear morning journal,

Stop staring at me.
Seriously.

Your puppy dog eyes aren't helping me. In fact, nothing is helping me. I'm repeatedly filling my brain with junk food media today and I can't get my head on anything positive. Don't you dare give me that pathetic wounded stare. Because if I open you and write in you, I might discover that I actually want to stay in reading deprivation. At least part-time. And that sounds just horrible.

Or wonderful.

OK, so I acknowledge that if I don't write in you every morning I get cranky. I blame it on other stuff. It's just like if I don't shower-- my day is absolute **** thereafter. Fine. FIIIIINE. I'll take you to lunch and I'll write, already. Are you satisfied? ARE YOU SATISFIED, JOURNAL?

Please advise.
LSPE

[Not Afraid]

Dear A,

I am an independent contractor not an employee working for you. You should probably think about treating me as a customer rather than someone to vent to when you are angry. You have hired me to do marketing and my services do no include babysitting or psychological therapy.

Sincerely,

me.