Because I can

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

I'm not often in control of my contrary impulses. I wish I was more impulsive and rebellious than moody and rude.

Rudeness is especially unforgivable.

I find that I'll often chose politeness over honesty when I'm in disagreeable company. And just once I'd actually like to fire off what I'm *really* thinking, and see the looks on their faces. But then I start to worry that it's not just a matter of being true to myself, it's a question of also being rude to others to satisfy my own satisfaction.

So, I'm completely not sure what's the better road to travel a lot of the time. As a result, I kind of stand still useless and bewildered.