The meaning of life or what?

[Bornieo: Fully Loaded]

I'm trying to understand something and maybe writing this will help me understand.

Philosophy- I believe there is something "out there" although it might not be what everyone imagines or believes. I don't blame God. Tsunami's that wipe out thousands of people. It happens. Its in the nature of the world for rebelling and lashing out at the tiny specks we call humanity. In the grand scale of life, Mother Nature is bigger than us. We accept. Can I blame anything that's "bigger" than us?

Maybe its a lesson in the Meaning of Life and why we are here. I'm sure everyone has sat on a beach somewhere, watching the waves crash as the magenta sun sets over the ocean, thinking, wondering, hoping that there's a reason to all of this -- stuff. When we poke our finger, we cry. We laugh, we get pissed off and all in all, this is supposedly these clues that there is some meaning. Somewhere. Anywhere.

This past November, my younger sister announced that she was pregnant with her 3rd child. She already has Maddie, who is 6 and a socialite who one day, no doubt, will have a cell phone with hundreds of phone numbers on it. (Sound familiar). The boy, Anthony, is 2. He is the smartest kid I have ever met and is constantly smiling. Today, when I saw him, he ran across the room screaming my name, and jumped into my arms for a hug. He's big on sitting on my shoulders. The baby to be, known as "?" is dead. Apparently between the last checkup a month ago and today, the little 4 month fetus' heart stopped.

Sad, yes. I'm disappointed, yes. Frankly, it broke my heart.

Now, what I'm coming to deal with is that I never knew this "person" like the others. Nor had I known the opportunity to grieve for someone that was part of my life or vice versa. I suspect it seems to be hardest to know someone who dies after a good life, than someone you've never met and emotionally it's confusing me. There is no control or really an obvious way of order in all this. Typically, we have a being, who either is sick or old, or heaven forbid is taken tragically. There is shock, grief, understanding and masses at the funeral, where there is a final farewell and you spend years mourning or having moments where you remember thing that happened. You have the images, the snapshot of emotional attachment to help you through.

What truly can be said?

I can guess that you can't really mourn the person, having never really known them. But it's possible that you can lament over what might have been. How you would have loved them and how much they would have meant to you...