Welcome David E

[wendybeth]

Welcome, Oh David of the E! Tis I, Wendybeth, late of Eastern Washington and also a tad bit lazy in the name department. Your first post should be recorded on vellum and placed deep within the Vault of Ultimate Swankiness, only to be brought out on special occasions, as an example of exalted First Postedness, and then maybe used as a nice table covering while we feast on bacon and bacon by-products.

[Snowflake]

Originally Posted by David E

HaHA!!! It is I, David E!!!!!!!!!

Squeeeeee-E, it is hE, thE David E. I wElcomE thEE oncE again to the LoT CommunitEE

Please do tEll more about ThE Pork.

[David E]

Mye Faire Ladye Snowflayke,

(Methinkes Lassie and not Laddie, but aye have no waye of knowing since aye was thee only one stupide enough to use mye real nayme as a usernayme)

I will indeeeed regale thee with tayles of the Porke shortlee. Porke (or pourke in the olde English), which means "license to eat, in unfettered amounts, all manner of foodstuffs prohibited by your parents growing up". It later came to specifically refer to those iced pink and white animal cookies (and in some of the more clandestine deep-fetish circles, to the sprinkles that fall off the cookies and accumulate in the bottom of the bag, to the point where some purists would no longer touch the cookies themselves).

But since you like the subject of E, I must mention the substance of the same name that made an audience for incessant repetitive techno music possible (I played at raves from 96-01, skylab2000.com), where I also went by David E...

[David E]

Now about the Pork: In 2002, I came across a website about Bacon Day, which was a kind of annual party a couple of college girls in Wisconsin did which was very similar to the Pork we had been doing in California. I was pretty excited and emailed them the explanation of ours, which I am re-printing below for the information of LoT members. I never heard back from them, seems they abandoned the website. Or maybe they were startled and afraid. I did a search again tonight and did find another Bacon Day (http://blog.lib.umn.edu/mack0257/thi...k/008809.html), which seems to be WEEKLY like laundry day or something, which I have to say rules compared to my lazy once-a-year thing. Anyway, here it is:

----------------------------
December 2002

Dear Meff and D,

The other day, while conducting a routine internet search for pork related products, I came across your website describing Bacon Day. I thought you might be interested in knowing that we have a remarkably similar holiday here on the west coast, which is celebrated on the Saturday nearest the 21st of December each year. It is probably no coincidence that during the winter months, due to millions of years of genetic programming and our common Northern European heritage, the human heart yearns for things roasted and cracklin’.

History of the first Winter Solstice Pork:
The year was 1978 (or 1979). The night: the longest of the year, the Winter Solstice. The Simpsons had not been invented yet, only Life in Hell. In the small, boring town of San Clemente, CA, two boys, high school seniors, who for the sake of anonymity we will call “David Ewing” and “Tony Vick”, sat in Tony’s parents’ condo with nothing to do on a weekend night. They were dateless (as usual) and had no ride to Los Angeles to hear punk rock shows. The night was bitter cold, with temperatures dropping well below the mid-50’s.

So basically, they sat at a table and ate everything in the house. There are no records of what all was eaten, and the only items they can remember are a box of Nabisco Nilla Wafers, and several frozen Ramona brand burritos. Although actual pork may not have been consumed, Pork was there in spirit. Given the coincidence with the celestial event, and having nothing better to do, they decided to create an annual holiday from it.

History of all the other Winter Solstice Porks:
The next year was a huge bash at David’s parents’ house with two punk/art rock bands and far too much food brought by guests.
Among the delicacies served were:
Cold blue spaghetti
Jello with toy army men suspended in it.
A fabulous large punchbowl with twinkling colored Christmas lights sandwiched between two clear bowls.
Cakes decorated with pig-like themes.

About once an hour, somebody kept switching off the power at the electrical panel. There was a superdrunk woman who for some reason was dressed in full marching band regalia with a tall hat and gold epilets and braided cords and a huge crudgel-like baton (the kind the person leading the parade kind of moves about 9” from side to side but is too heavy to throw or anything). In the aftermath, there was a 4” layer of popcorn on the kitchen floor, but it was a memorable success, and the holiday was firmly established (even though we have skipped some years when we felt like it). The goings on at all the other parties I will have to say are a closely guarded secret. (So as to make them seem even more glamorous and appealing).

I have attached a couple of recent invitations that were sent as jpgs, thereby eliminating the ignorant Luddites who don’t have email. This year, we are excluding even more of our friends who can’t play the Quicktime movie invitation. I will send it to you soon.

----------------------------

Maybe I will re-post this with some of the invitations I mentioned come December. Doesn't seem appropriate to the season right now. On to summer things...

[JWBear]

Hmph... Must be an imposter. We all know David E is just a figment of €'s and NA's collective imagination. (Want proof? € is just a form of E! Ah-ha!)

[Kevy Baby]

Yawn

David E is so three weeks ago. We are already on to David W


















Welcome!

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Hah, check this guy out! Just wait until we challenge him to a bacon eating contest.

[David E]

Cadaverous and Wendy Beth,

Look, when it comes to bacon...well, let's just say I have a little experience here, this year being the 30th anniversary of the annual party I host wherein Pork is used as a noun used as a verb that turned back into a proper noun...It's called the Winter Solstice Pork, or simply "The Pork".

Now, unlike the other bragadocious comments I made before, I am not making this up to try to fit in since I'm not totally sure how serious your bacon talk is, or what it is about. Euro and Not Afraid know this about me from long ago but never mentioned that this is a topic on LOT. You can ask them. However, if I am only a virtual construct they made, then I guess they don't have credibility on this topic...

[wendybeth]

We are deadly serious about all things bacony.


Which is ironic, in that bacon is (like all things that taste really good) not the healthiest of food choices, but most of us don't really give a rat's ass.


Yeah, you're going to do well here.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Mr. E.:

Your writing skills are impressive, which goes a long way towards true message board greatness. I hereby welcome you even more wholeheartedly than previously expressed.