Smafaquax

[Gemini Cricket]

New Age music plays. A woman is alone on a park bench. She is black and white while the world around her is in color. She drops her ice cream cone onto her new shoes. She rubs her head.

Woman
"I’m not myself lately."

Announcer
"If you think you have Graskin’s Malaloma, you’re not alone."

Woman
"Everyone is fine except me."

Announcer
"Symptoms of Graskin’s Malaloma include: fatigue after an eight hour work day, hunger six hours after lunch and a droopy, lethargic feeling 11 o’clock at night."

Woman
"Why can’t I get better?"

Announcer
"Other symptoms include: occasional self-doubt, hiccups, sneezing false alarms and headaches after consuming ice cream too fast."

Woman
"I need help."

Announcer
"You need Smafaquax. Smafaquax is the twice a day pill you can take on the go. Call the toll free number on your screen to get your free sample today."

Woman takes her medication at her bathroom sink and suddenly she is in color, no more black and white. She runs through a field with a Standard Poodle waving a lacy scarf in the air.

Woman
"I feel better!"

Announcer
"Ask your doctor about Smafaquax."

Woman
"I’m me again."

Announcer
"Side effects include: insomnia, dizziness, drowsiness, stomach cramps, projectile diarrhea, vomiting, bloody tears, increased eyebrow hair growth, shortness of breath, Tourret Syndrome-style vocalizations, disorientation, reorientation, Orientalism, wheezing, coughing, dry throat, cotton mouth, dusty eyes, creaky joints, hair loss, inflammation of the neck, werewolfism, toenail thickening, tongue shrinkage, Restless Leg Syndrome, discoloration of armpit hair and death-like life stoppage. Let your doctor know if you are pregnant before taking Smafaquax. Smafaquax and prescription drugs like it can be habit forming. If you enjoy breathing, Smafaquax may not be for you."

Woman
"I’m me again!"

Announcer
"Smafaquax. You’re sick, dammit!"