Why I hate working retail during the holidays...

[Jughead P. Jones]

this one woman customer I had last night REALLY tried my patience.

Let's set up the story.

Because our store was short-staffed (yet again), I was left covering housewares, small appliances, paper goods and cleaners and food. It was also 5 days before Christmas, so the mood is tense enough as it is.

Then I run into this lady, who I dub "roasting pan b#@$h."

Here's the actual conversation...verbatum.

WOMAN: Excuse me, I need help with something.

JPJ: What do you need? I can try to help.

WOMAN: You got a flyer?

JPJ: No, we're out of flyers at the moment. (since the new flyer took effect the following day, we ran out of old flyers)

WOMAN: Well, I'm looking for an electric roasting pan that was in the flyer.

(at this point, JPJ scratches his head, because he hasn't heard of an ELECTRIC roasting pan)

JPJ: Okay...

WOMAN: Now, I called in on Monday, and they said they had 10, so I come today, and now I can't find them! I hope they didn't lie to me!

(At this point, JPJ feels like saying...'well, they might have had 10 on Monday, but this is WEDNESDAY)

JPJ: Well, let's go look around...they're probably in Housewares.

(So, JPJ takes the woman to housewares, and not exactly knowing where the thing she's looking for is, take her to the roasting pan area...here's where the fun begins.)

WOMAN: Why did you take me here?

JPJ: Well, this is housewares, and I think we'll find it here.

WOMAN: But, these AREN'T electric roasting pans.

JPJ: I know, we're going to start looking here.

WOMAN: But, they aren't ELECTRIC!

(JPJ's blood pressure begins to rise)

JPJ: I know, please...work with me here...we're STARTING to look here.

WOMAN: I'm sorry...I don't mean to be sassy...but THOSE AREN'T ELECTRIC!

(at this point, JPJ needs an Excedrin, but presses on)

JPJ: Well, since we don't have a flyer, can you tell me anything about the...ahem...electric roasting pan?

WOMAN: I know it's in the flyer.

JPJ: That doesn't exactly help, since we're...you know...out of flyers.

WOMAN: I know it's $39.96.

JPJ: Good! That's a great start! What is the make of it?

WOMAN: I don't know...but I know it's $39.96, and that you had 10 on Monday!

(JPJ at this point wants another Excedrin as he calls a manager)

MANAGER: Yes?

JPJ: I have a customer who is looking for an electric roasting pan that's advertised in the flyer.

MANAGER: I've never heard of an electric roasting pan.

JPJ: Me either...just humour her.

(As the manager looks through the flyer on the other end of the phone (all managers have a copy on their person), the woman is screaming at me "There was 10 on Monday, and if you don't have them, it's false advertising", and other redundant garbage. Finally, the manager tells me that no such item exists)

JPJ: Are you sure you read this advertised in OUR flyer?

WOMAN: Do you think I was born yesterday, boy?

(JPJ thinks. "Well....." )

WOMAN: I need this electric roasting pan now!

(JPJ gets frustrated and begins to pull out random items that LOOK like the "electric" roasting pan, because he knows that he has to fill milk up at some point, since he normally works the grocery department)

JPJ: Is THIS it?

WOMAN: No, that's not a roasting pan.

JPJ: Is THIS it?

WOMAN: Does that price tag SAY $39.96?

JPJ: IS THIS IT?

WOMAN: It might be, but I doubt it.

(JPJ needs whole bottle of Excedrin now at this rate...FINALLY, we find the item...which is a ROASTER and NOT an ELECTRIC roasting pan)

JPJ: Okay, well, we have the item.

WOMAN: Is this the ONLY one you have left?

JPJ: Yes...it is.

WOMAN: Then, you had better go get me a shopping cart to put this in, because I don't want anyone else's grubby fingers to get all over MY electric roasting pan.

(At this point, JPJ would have loved to have clubbed her over the head with ANY roasting pan, electric or not, but instead, JPJ ran to the front to grab a shopping cart to put the stupid...whatever the heck she bought...inside)

WOMAN: Thank you...now, since WE'RE done here, you may as well help me in toys too.

(JPJ: AAAAAAUUUUUUUGGGGGHHHHHH!!!! )

Fortunately, we HAD a toy associate.

But, with all of that, I'm amazed I lasted 2 years in retail.

Thank god I have Christmas Eve off...I don't think I could handle THAT!