Why Did I Refuse This Random Act of Kindness? - Page 4

Ghoulish Delight · 11-19-2007, 12:55 PM

I can relate, Helen. I've known myself to have very similar reaction, especially the "I have to walk away part." I have some gut negative reaction to a stranger's uninvited social "intrusion", and then I immediately realize, at least on some subconscious level, that it was a pretty lousy way to act to someone who's just trying to be nice/conversational. Then, not seeing any exit strategy that doesn't involve having to admit (explicitly or implicitly) that I acted like a jerk, I just get uncomfortable and want to just walk away and not have to deal with it. Ugh, I'm feeling uncomfortable just thinking about being in one of those situations.

Cadaverous Pallor · 11-19-2007, 12:58 PM

I feel much the same as "the LoT guys", just to throw a monkey wrench in the theory

I can totally understand going with a gut reaction though. Sometimes there's no denying it. I really, really hate the term "women's intuition" though. You never hear about "men's intuition", as if there's no such thing, or that women are more in touch with the Force somehow.

I do think that people are too jaded. As a teen/twentysomething I quite often ran into similar situations, from the "freaky young person" perspective. Remember this guy? I would have totally done something like that.

Anyway, I wouldn't feel too bad, Helen, but I would definitely be more receptive next time.

(and Alex is right, he went about it the wrong way.)

wendybeth · 11-19-2007, 01:12 PM

Oh, I think men can be just as intuitive as women, but I think when it comes to strangers and unsolicited approaches that women may be a little more deer-like in their responses. (The fight or flight instinct- I think we are probably more inclined to take flight than to fight) and such decisions are split-second in nature.* Again, I'm interested in hubby's take on the incident- does he feel since he was there that it was unwarranted? Would he have felt the same were he not there?

*Before anyone accuses me of sexism, I submit that I could kick my brother's butts when necessary, and if Eric and I were ever threatened I fear it would be me doing the asskicking, as he is very non-confrontational.

Strangler Lewis · 11-19-2007, 02:14 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

You never hear about "men's intuition", as if there's no such thing . . ..)

Nonsense: "She wants me. I can tell."

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cadaverous Pallor

Remember this guy? I would have totally done something like that.

Skillet.

Nephythys · 11-19-2007, 01:16 PM

I guess I think it was a strange way to react actually-

What difference does it really make that he was a young/college age man-do you think you would have done something different if he was older, or female?

As rare as it is, sometimes people just do nice things for others. If this was indeed one of those times when someone just wanted to do something nice for someone else- it seems a shame to have reacted that way and perhaps jaded him from doing such things again.

wendybeth · 11-19-2007, 01:23 PM

Helen posted this thread because she couldn't figure out why she had the response she did, and I think we'd all agree it was very unlike her. If it was common practice, she wouldn't have thought twice and certainly wouldn't be asking our opinion. I think it's not very helpful to point out the rather obvious 'that's a bit rude'- she knows that, she want so to understand why she did it. I think there are so many variables that could be involved that she may never really know, but I'm impressed that she's trying to figure it out.

Gemini Cricket · 11-19-2007, 01:23 PM

Or if Helen had taken the drink maybe something bad might have happened. So in the grand scheme of things, she totally did the right thing. What if she had taken the drink and got diarreah? It would be a vastly different thread.

3894 · 11-19-2007, 01:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemini Cricket

What if she had taken the drink and got diarreah? It would be a vastly different thread.

I could tell my story about getting food poisoning in New Orleans and then having to take the tiny regional puddlehopper plane with no bathroom.

But what does any of it matter now that Mr. Whipple has squeezed his last Charmin?

Alex · 11-19-2007, 02:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gemini Cricket

Or if Helen had taken the drink maybe something bad might have happened. So in the grand scheme of things, she totally did the right thing. What if she had taken the drink and got diarreah? It would be a vastly different thread.

It would only be different if the diarrhea was somehow caused by who paid for it.

The leading with the personal questions things is such a standard sales trick that I would just immediately shut down on the person no matter their ultimate intent. If you start with "what kind of car do you drive," "do you go to basketball games," "are you registered to vote in California," "what kind of coffee will you be having" are all immediate signs to me that the person wants something from me so I have no problem with shutting them down and then tuning them out.

Kevy Baby · 11-19-2007, 02:22 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Alex

The leading with the personal questions things is such a standard sales trick that I would just immediately shut down on the person no matter their ultimate intent. If you start with "what kind of car do you drive," "do you go to basketball games," "are you registered to vote in California," "what kind of coffee will you be having" are all immediate signs to me that the person wants something from me so I have no problem with shutting them down and then tuning them out.

I wonder how many interesting conversations that you have missed out on because of this. Sure, a lot of them were probably sales pitches, but not all of them may have been.

11-19-2007, 12:55 PM	#1
Ghoulish Delight I Floop the Pig Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Alternative Swankstyle Posts: 19,348	I can relate, Helen. I've known myself to have very similar reaction, especially the "I have to walk away part." I have some gut negative reaction to a stranger's uninvited social "intrusion", and then I immediately realize, at least on some subconscious level, that it was a pretty lousy way to act to someone who's just trying to be nice/conversational. Then, not seeing any exit strategy that doesn't involve having to admit (explicitly or implicitly) that I acted like a jerk, I just get uncomfortable and want to just walk away and not have to deal with it. Ugh, I'm feeling uncomfortable just thinking about being in one of those situations. __________________ 'He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me.' -TJ
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11-19-2007, 12:58 PM	#2
Cadaverous Pallor ohhhh baby Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Parental Bliss Posts: 12,364	I feel much the same as "the LoT guys", just to throw a monkey wrench in the theory I can totally understand going with a gut reaction though. Sometimes there's no denying it. I really, really hate the term "women's intuition" though. You never hear about "men's intuition", as if there's no such thing, or that women are more in touch with the Force somehow. I do think that people are too jaded. As a teen/twentysomething I quite often ran into similar situations, from the "freaky young person" perspective. Remember this guy? I would have totally done something like that. Anyway, I wouldn't feel too bad, Helen, but I would definitely be more receptive next time. (and Alex is right, he went about it the wrong way.) __________________ The second star to the right shines in the night for you
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11-19-2007, 01:12 PM	#3
wendybeth Nevermind Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,847	Oh, I think men can be just as intuitive as women, but I think when it comes to strangers and unsolicited approaches that women may be a little more deer-like in their responses. (The fight or flight instinct- I think we are probably more inclined to take flight than to fight) and such decisions are split-second in nature.* Again, I'm interested in hubby's take on the incident- does he feel since he was there that it was unwarranted? Would he have felt the same were he not there? *Before anyone accuses me of sexism, I submit that I could kick my brother's butts when necessary, and if Eric and I were ever threatened I fear it would be me doing the asskicking, as he is very non-confrontational. __________________
	Submit to Quotes

11-19-2007, 01:16 PM	#5
Nephythys Yeah, that's about it- Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: In a state of constant crap to get done Posts: 2,688	I guess I think it was a strange way to react actually- What difference does it really make that he was a young/college age man-do you think you would have done something different if he was older, or female? As rare as it is, sometimes people just do nice things for others. If this was indeed one of those times when someone just wanted to do something nice for someone else- it seems a shame to have reacted that way and perhaps jaded him from doing such things again.
	Submit to Quotes

11-19-2007, 01:23 PM	#6
wendybeth Nevermind Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,847	Helen posted this thread because she couldn't figure out why she had the response she did, and I think we'd all agree it was very unlike her. If it was common practice, she wouldn't have thought twice and certainly wouldn't be asking our opinion. I think it's not very helpful to point out the rather obvious 'that's a bit rude'- she knows that, she want so to understand why she did it. I think there are so many variables that could be involved that she may never really know, but I'm impressed that she's trying to figure it out. __________________
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11-19-2007, 01:23 PM	#7
Gemini Cricket ... Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 13,244	Or if Helen had taken the drink maybe something bad might have happened. So in the grand scheme of things, she totally did the right thing. What if she had taken the drink and got diarreah? It would be a vastly different thread.
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