Back home? Or back from home?

[Chernabog]

Originally Posted by Morrigoon

Well, I'm going to buck the trend here. For all the voices against "pulling a geographic", I actually think there are times when that can be very effective - typically when you catch yourself in a rut and you need to effect a major change in your life to shake things up a bit.

Just speaking from my own experience with having pulled a geographic to New Orleans back in 2004, it was a good experience retrospectively because:

1) It taught me the lesson of "wherever you go, there you are". I thought my problems were Los Angeles and my parents. My problems followed me to New Orleans because I was in New Orleans. Once I had lived in New Orleans for a few months, suddenly my problem was New Orleans (I didn't come to the realization of the true meaning of my having gone until well after I was back). I wouldn't want to see GC move to Hawaii only to come to the same realization, in Hawaii, but it's hard to see sometimes.

2) I had gone through school for 7 years after high school and had never taken a break. I needed to clear my head from the "but I've never taken time off to do what I REALLY want" mentality. But again, see #1. My problems cropped up, and I still didn't get to do what I thought I wanted (which I could have done, and am doing now to a degree, in Los Angeles).

3) It was a whole new experience/city I had never experienced before.

4) I get to make nutritious desserts for New Years Eve parties.

So all in all, it was good that I had pulled the geographic because it stuck my issues in my face WHEN I CAME BACK. I went with the "all my problems will be solved" mentality and holy lord was I in for a rude awakening.

Again, I don't want to psychoanalyze GC over the 'net, but that was my experience.... just food for thought if he thinks it applies to his situation!!!

[Deebs]

Originally Posted by katiesue

San Diego isn't my home. I've never felt at home here. I don't like it here. But unfortunately I can't move.

^This describes my situation, but substitute Stockton for San Diego. I hate it here; I married into it and am trying to divorce out of it. Not so simple.

I wouldn't rush into anything.

Sounds like there are enough voices of caution here to keep that from happening, but I agree.

Originally Posted by Chernabog

Again, I don't want to psychoanalyze GC over the 'net, but that was my experience....

Well, yeah, there is that.

Just a little friendly psychoanalysis...
I'm trying not to jump in with too much, because I haven't spent much time with you, other than talking about our dogs and Boston. And a little bit of movie talk.

I can feel the kindness with which this is all meant, and I haven't been around here long. You're really well loved here, which will follow you to HI if you decide to go, of course.

just food for thought if he thinks it applies to his situation!!!

Exactly.

[Kevy Baby]

Originally Posted by Deebs

^This describes my situation, but substitute Stockton for San Diego. I hate it here; I married into it and am trying to divorce out of it. Not so simple.

It sounds like katiesue got the better deal. Or at least the lesser of two evils.

[Deebs]

Originally Posted by Kevy Baby

It sounds like katiesue got the better deal. Or at least the lesser of two evils.

Shhyeah.

[katiesue]

Originally Posted by Kevy Baby

It sounds like katiesue got the better deal. Or at least the lesser of two evils.

I'd take Stockton myself but only because I'd be in at least driving distance from home.

[Not Afraid]

Originally Posted by Morrigoon

Well, I'm going to buck the trend here. For all the voices against "pulling a geographic", I actually think there are times when that can be very effective - typically when you catch yourself in a rut and you need to effect a major change in your life to shake things up a bit.

Do you feel you're in a rut? I hadn't gotten that impression.

Considering that GC FINALLY got the job he had been talking about for a LONG time and has only been there a few months, I can hardly say that he's in a rut. Brad, you've achieved some of the goals you set out to do. Be proud of your accomplishments, accept them as accomplishments and set more goals. Moving would probably be a step backwards. It might seem "comfortable" but comfort isn't always equated with happiness.

Besides, do you REALLY want to be that close to the craziness of your family???

[Disneyphile]

I'll echo the "whereever you go, there you are" sentiment.

I moved to the Midwest for two years to "leave behind" my divorce and other "woes" in my hometown of Vegas. During those two years, I struggled to have friends, and the "world was still against me". It wasn't until I moved down to LA (which I figured would "fix" my "problem" again, since I always dreamed of living here since I was a kid), and then spent more than a year without a single friend here that I realized what the real issue was: ME and my attitude. I blamed the world for not having friends, and I was a real whiny-ass, complaining about everything and wallowing in "woe is me" (i.e. "nobody wants me", etc.). Well, no wonder I had no friends - people don't like to be around that, and I can't say I blame them.

My world changed and I finally "fit in" once I changed my outlook and attitude. The hardest thing to do was learn to live with myself. But, once I had that mastered, then everything became wonderful.

Just look within and fix those things, and then decide if you still want to move. And, if you do, then go for it.

[Morrigoon]

Well, to be fair, he IS moving "back home". So you could say he's coming to the conclusion of "pulling a geographic".

[LSPoorEeyorick]

Originally Posted by Morrigoon

Well, to be fair, he IS moving "back home". So you could say he's coming to the conclusion of "pulling a geographic".

This is true - though...

I too do not want to psychoanalyze GC, nor do I think that my experience completely speaks for his. I am just going to share my experience, in the hopes that it helps.

I "pulled a geographic" for several reasons - to run from my abusive relationship (and, for the sake of honesty, because it's damn hard to watch my mother suffering), to get away from a state that simply didn't provide cultural fulfillment, and to seek jobs in the industry in which I so very strongly wanted to work.

Moving back home, especially within those first two extremely difficult years where I - like Teresa - knew no one and had no job in my field - would have just been pulling another geographic, running before I knew what it was I was running from. I may have moved to LA, in part, to get away from things that were haunting me... but I STAYED in LA because more strongly in my mind, I knew I needed what Los Angeles had to offer. And offer it did. ANY city takes real time to feel like you're truly home.

This is my story - not Brad's. Not all of it applies, maybe even none. But I thought I'd share it.

And I want you to know, dear, that we all love and support you, no matter where you are. Some of our friends are asking you to consider what it is you're running from, and that's an important question. But I think another important question is, what exactly are you running TO? What do you want to do with your life? If you're patient, can you do it here? Can you do it there?

In the end, these kind of life changes have to be a leap of faith. I think - as Deebs says - everyone is trying to offer their experiences and thoughts out of kindness and love. And every leap of faith needs to start from a springboard of clear thinking (and sometimes, that's hard to do solo - and maybe it's why you reached out for our opinions.)

[Disneyphile]

Originally Posted by LSPoorEeyorick

Some of our friends are asking you to consider what it is you're running from, and that's an important question. But I think another important question is, what exactly are you running TO? What do you want to do with your life? If you're patient, can you do it here? Can you do it there?

Exactly.