Rickie Raccoons' Cat House Vacation Villa Adventure

Not Afraid · 07-23-2009, 09:19 PM

Once upon a time there was a small Spanish Bungalow in the fair City of Long Beach, where 3 adorable, but scraggly baby raccoons decided to live. The fact that they had moved in was unknown to the "legal" residents of the bungalow (and by legal, I mean 10 lovely, well-mannered cats, a pug, some fish, The Women who loved them all, and Some Guy (once known as That Guy). Oh, yes, these 3 scraggly babies would make appearances outside of the bungalow, delighting the people, disturbing the pug, and intriguing the cats but no one actually realized that the 'coons had become residents. The 'coons (to their defence) enjoyed feasting on the many bags of pet food that were left on their porch by a generous neighbor.

One very sultry afternoon, the Mrs. of the house was relaxing in her sumptuous, but steamy living room (EDIT by SG - wearing nothing but a silk chemise and a smile of expectation) when a ruckus was heard above her head. Looking up at the gentle arches of the barreled ceiling a sudden realization came upon her....there were creatures above her head! She twittered without delay "Come home quick, my darling (ie, Some Guy), we have a raccoon problem".

Meanwhile, in the depths of corporate America, Some Guy had just finished a 3 hour meeting, barely focused on the work at hand, while visions of stripping dwarves played through his head, and he wondered.....is that all there is? Glancing at his personal communication device, he was alerted to the fact that, back at home, something was in the attic. Quickly closing his laptop he rushed to his car and headed South to the House of Many Cats, otherwise known as Home.

Upon arriving, he quickly stripped - but much faster than the dwarf in his mind (pausing only to wonder if he could make the tassles twirl). Climbing to the rooftop, staff in hand (by staff, we mean broom) he went looking for the crib of the coon babes.

While peering over the ledge, the masked nose of one young coon popped out of a hole! Following the nose, an entire coon emerged. The coon was taken aback when he realized "WTF, there's Some Guy on the roof". Back into the hole he ran to activate the Coon Emergency Response System.

At this precise moment all heads turned to the sound of screeching tires as the Drunken Seamstress arrived. She immediately uttered the words "Is that Dick Van Dyke up there?" There was no denying it, there was Some Guy on the roof dancing a jig and singing "Step In Time" with his staff in hand.

Meanwhile, the terrified wee raccoons decided to make their escape. Out the hole they came. First one, then the other .........and then a looooooong pause.

"How many raccoons were there?" said Some Guy
"I think there were three" said the Woman.
"But only two came out"
"I think there were three"
But only two came out"
"I THINK THERE WERE THREE"
"But only two........I'll go look"

Some Guy ventured into the dark hole of his closet where the secret door to the attic was. After dislodging the detrius that lives in his closet, the trap door opened with ease. Meanwhile, out on the lawn, the Woman, the Pug and the Seamstress expectantly watched the hole. Suddenly, violent screms shuddered through the neighborhood, erupting through the dark hole. The Seamstress collapsed in giggles; The Tamale Man stopped ringing his bell; the Woman ran for the closet....was the missing coon attacking? Would Some Guy have to put down like Old Yeller? Would this story have a tragic ending? (The Seamstress continued giggling.)

After removing 9 out of 10 cats from the ceiling fan, where they clung, spinning in fear, Some Guy climbed back on the roof. Meanwhile, The Woman procured a neighbor, chicken wire, tobasco sauce and Gorilla Glue. But, before any acts that are illegal in 42 states were performed the neighbor escaped and a man in a Camero, stuffed to the gills with trash, shouted out his window "Beware The Gravity!".

Wire was bent, the hole was stuffed, Some Guy glued himself to the contraption. Tobasco saved the day (though Some Guy complained of burning sensations).

Two homeless raccoons sat in a tree plotting their next move in this chess game of life......

To Be Continued.

innerSpaceman · 07-23-2009, 09:53 PM

OMG, moar coon soon?

DreadPirateRoberts · 07-23-2009, 10:16 PM

Not Afraid · 07-23-2009, 10:16 PM

Well, it seems the grate is out already and the number of raccoons has multiplied. They have brought in reinforcements. I'm officially scared.

Ghoulish Delight · 07-23-2009, 10:28 PM

Kitties!

BTW, I notice that in your account there is nothing to indicate any unstripping occurred after the stripping and before the roof mounting. Is Chris on your roof stepping in time naked?

€uroMeinke · 07-23-2009, 11:10 PM

Some guy climbed back on the roof to replace the grate but the sudden increase in number of coons is worrisome

Not Afraid · 07-23-2009, 11:15 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

Kitties!

BTW, I notice that in your account there is nothing to indicate any unstripping occurred after the stripping and before the roof mounting. Is Chris on your roof stepping in time naked?

The Drunken Seamstress giggled.

Stan4dSteph · 07-24-2009, 06:21 AM

Time to call in some pros.

http://www.speedyanimalcontrol.com/P...on_Removal.htm

Mousey Girl · 07-24-2009, 07:24 AM

Instead of having bats in the bellfry, you have coons in the attic?

Betty · 07-24-2009, 07:53 AM

Should that have been so entertaining? Because the non-drunk-non-seamstress is also giggling.

07-23-2009, 09:19 PM	#1
Not Afraid HI! Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 17,108	Rickie Raccoons' Cat House Vacation Villa Adventure Once upon a time there was a small Spanish Bungalow in the fair City of Long Beach, where 3 adorable, but scraggly baby raccoons decided to live. The fact that they had moved in was unknown to the "legal" residents of the bungalow (and by legal, I mean 10 lovely, well-mannered cats, a pug, some fish, The Women who loved them all, and Some Guy (once known as That Guy). Oh, yes, these 3 scraggly babies would make appearances outside of the bungalow, delighting the people, disturbing the pug, and intriguing the cats but no one actually realized that the 'coons had become residents. The 'coons (to their defence) enjoyed feasting on the many bags of pet food that were left on their porch by a generous neighbor. One very sultry afternoon, the Mrs. of the house was relaxing in her sumptuous, but steamy living room (EDIT by SG - wearing nothing but a silk chemise and a smile of expectation) when a ruckus was heard above her head. Looking up at the gentle arches of the barreled ceiling a sudden realization came upon her....there were creatures above her head! She twittered without delay "Come home quick, my darling (ie, Some Guy), we have a raccoon problem". Meanwhile, in the depths of corporate America, Some Guy had just finished a 3 hour meeting, barely focused on the work at hand, while visions of stripping dwarves played through his head, and he wondered.....is that all there is? Glancing at his personal communication device, he was alerted to the fact that, back at home, something was in the attic. Quickly closing his laptop he rushed to his car and headed South to the House of Many Cats, otherwise known as Home. Upon arriving, he quickly stripped - but much faster than the dwarf in his mind (pausing only to wonder if he could make the tassles twirl). Climbing to the rooftop, staff in hand (by staff, we mean broom) he went looking for the crib of the coon babes. While peering over the ledge, the masked nose of one young coon popped out of a hole! Following the nose, an entire coon emerged. The coon was taken aback when he realized "WTF, there's Some Guy on the roof". Back into the hole he ran to activate the Coon Emergency Response System. At this precise moment all heads turned to the sound of screeching tires as the Drunken Seamstress arrived. She immediately uttered the words "Is that Dick Van Dyke up there?" There was no denying it, there was Some Guy on the roof dancing a jig and singing "Step In Time" with his staff in hand. Meanwhile, the terrified wee raccoons decided to make their escape. Out the hole they came. First one, then the other .........and then a looooooong pause. "How many raccoons were there?" said Some Guy "I think there were three" said the Woman. "But only two came out" "I think there were three" But only two came out" "I THINK THERE WERE THREE" "But only two........I'll go look" Some Guy ventured into the dark hole of his closet where the secret door to the attic was. After dislodging the detrius that lives in his closet, the trap door opened with ease. Meanwhile, out on the lawn, the Woman, the Pug and the Seamstress expectantly watched the hole. Suddenly, violent screms shuddered through the neighborhood, erupting through the dark hole. The Seamstress collapsed in giggles; The Tamale Man stopped ringing his bell; the Woman ran for the closet....was the missing coon attacking? Would Some Guy have to put down like Old Yeller? Would this story have a tragic ending? (The Seamstress continued giggling.) After removing 9 out of 10 cats from the ceiling fan, where they clung, spinning in fear, Some Guy climbed back on the roof. Meanwhile, The Woman procured a neighbor, chicken wire, tobasco sauce and Gorilla Glue. But, before any acts that are illegal in 42 states were performed the neighbor escaped and a man in a Camero, stuffed to the gills with trash, shouted out his window "Beware The Gravity!". Wire was bent, the hole was stuffed, Some Guy glued himself to the contraption. Tobasco saved the day (though Some Guy complained of burning sensations). Two homeless raccoons sat in a tree plotting their next move in this chess game of life...... To Be Continued.
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07-23-2009, 09:53 PM	#2
innerSpaceman Kink of Swank Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Inner Space Posts: 13,075	OMG, moar coon soon?
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07-23-2009, 10:16 PM	#3
DreadPirateRoberts Senior Member Join Date: Mar 2006 Posts: 2,483	wow
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07-23-2009, 10:16 PM	#4
Not Afraid HI! Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 17,108	Well, it seems the grate is out already and the number of raccoons has multiplied. They have brought in reinforcements. I'm officially scared.
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07-23-2009, 10:28 PM	#5
Ghoulish Delight I Floop the Pig Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Alternative Swankstyle Posts: 19,348	Kitties! BTW, I notice that in your account there is nothing to indicate any unstripping occurred after the stripping and before the roof mounting. Is Chris on your roof stepping in time naked? __________________ 'He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me.' -TJ
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07-23-2009, 11:10 PM	#6
€uroMeinke L'Hédoniste Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: A.S.C.O.T. Posts: 8,671	Some guy climbed back on the roof to replace the grate but the sudden increase in number of coons is worrisome __________________ I would believe only in a God that knows how to Dance. Friedrich Nietzsche
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07-24-2009, 06:21 AM	#8
Stan4dSteph Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: East Bay Area, CA Posts: 3,156	Time to call in some pros. http://www.speedyanimalcontrol.com/P...on_Removal.htm
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07-24-2009, 07:24 AM	#9
Mousey Girl Just Me Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: In The Flagon With The Dragon Posts: 2,437	Instead of having bats in the bellfry, you have coons in the attic?
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07-24-2009, 07:53 AM	#10
Betty Kicking up my heels! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: The Silver State Posts: 3,783	Should that have been so entertaining? Because the non-drunk-non-seamstress is also giggling. __________________ Nee Stell Thue
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