Dear: - Page 19

Prudence · 07-14-2006, 02:56 PM

Dear Boris:

I shower (nearly) every morning. Have for years now. You've seen me do it. And I've survived every time.

I know that you're not fond of this sort of bathing, but I can't reach my bits with my tongue the way you can yours. I'll be fine. You don't need to attack me to save me from the shower. I like the shower.

love,
me.

Ghoulish Delight · 07-14-2006, 03:03 PM

Dear Prudence:

I think you're just not trying hard enough. If you'd just start responding to my strict disciplinary methods of training, I think you'll find you can reach with your tongue whatever you'll put your mind to. Just think of the marketability should you succeed!

Respectfully,
Boris

Ponine · 07-14-2006, 03:17 PM

Dear Worried Parents,
Yes please, trust those instincts.
Sometimes the receptionist at the counter doesnt know what they are talking about and the doctor doesnt care to tell them.
Find a doc whom you feel deserves a vacation fund. THey are out there.

Sincerely,
Best friend of a practicing vet who was told they should not be taking time educating patients families on how to properly care for their animals, therefore would not be offered permanancy at the clinic.

Not Afraid · 07-14-2006, 03:25 PM

Dear Dad,

What with the new brand of turkey? I like the other one better.

Love, Pookie.

PS. Why has Lyra decided she like turnkey now? Can you make it stop?

€uroMeinke · 07-14-2006, 03:44 PM

Dear Convoluted Performance Review Process:

How is it that once you were a one page form filled out by my boss indicating whether I met or didn't meet my job requirements, and now you are a 14 page monstrosity filled with vacuous repetative statements that I am forced to write, that even my boss will not read, and in the end will be entered into some automated tracking system as a one-digit numeric code indicating whether or not I met my job requirements?

Prudence · 07-14-2006, 04:19 PM

Dear article author:

At the time you submitted your updated article, you had finished your second year of law school. And yet, you cited to the syllabus of a Supreme Court opinion, rather than the actual opinion. The syllabus, which clearly states: "The syllabus constitutes no part of the opinion of the Court but has been prepared by the Reporter of Decisions for the convenience of the reader." That means that you, the author, need to find the relevant parts of the actual opinion. You do not cite to the headnotes. I am doing way more work on this S&C than I should be.

I'm really wondering how it is that your article was selected. I'm glad the masthead won't specify which article I worked on.

No love,
Me.

No love

Mousey Girl · 07-14-2006, 05:02 PM

Dear Idiots:

I am not stupid. I will not open a Wells Fargo checking account and act as your U.S. money person. I do not believe that I will be able to make money this way. I know that you are basically spamming me with a scam and that eventually someone WILL bite. This someone is not me.

From me.

ps. to the other idiots who keep emailing and calling, if I have to pay to work for you, I don't want to work for you.

Ghoulish Delight · 07-14-2006, 07:06 PM

Dear Grumpy Coworker,

I suppose I understand that being your age, still working a pretty grunt job, AND the company is going through some pretty signifcant (and often stupid) restructuring gives you some good reason to be grumpy. So I will forgive you your daily grumbling, head shaking, and portents of doom. I will even forgive your buck-shot strategy of grousing about every single thing management proposes, causing valid complaints from the rational among us to get lost in the noise.

But damnit, would it kill you to just say, "Thank you," or "You too," when someone says, "Have a good weekend"? Are you really that joyless that the only response to the prospect of an enjoyable 2 days without work is, "Pfft, yeah right."? I mean, holy sh!t.

Signed,
Not yet broken spirit.

Mousey Girl · 07-14-2006, 08:36 PM

Dear Mr Denny,

I know that your life is stressful. I know that on top of working for a bi-polar woman and every day with her is a new adventure, that you have a hectic homelife. Heck, you have 7 kids with 5 being todlers. The least you could have done is answer when I called you every day this week. YOU were the one who told me to call!! All you had to do was tell me that she wasn't ready to have me come back. I'm a big girl, I already figured that out. You didn't have to leave the room when I came in today. I wasn't there to cause a scene. All I was doing was picking up the remains of my stuff. I think it is time for you to grow up a bit.

~ Your former co-worker/underling

Freaky Tiki · 07-15-2006, 01:27 PM

Dear Christian Music Festival People:

Hi...um it's me again. I really cannot stress to you how much I would like for you to go home. Really, I mean it. I have to work early in the morning, and I really don't appreciate having your crappy genre of music keeping me awake until midnight. I'll be honest if it was good music it'd be different, if you were playing a lullaby to put me to sleep, I'd actually be supporting your endeavor. And could you please explain to me why it needs to be so loud? I mean I support rock and/or roll, but let's be reasonable....if I can make out the lyrics to a song and I'm 3 miles away, isn't that a little overkill? Do you really find it productive to keep people in a 3 mile radius awake all night? I don't.

07-14-2006, 02:56 PM	#181
Prudence Beelzeboobs, Esq. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Gavel - I haz it Posts: 6,287	Dear Boris: I shower (nearly) every morning. Have for years now. You've seen me do it. And I've survived every time. I know that you're not fond of this sort of bathing, but I can't reach my bits with my tongue the way you can yours. I'll be fine. You don't need to attack me to save me from the shower. I like the shower. love, me. __________________ traguna macoities tracorum satis de
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07-14-2006, 03:03 PM	#182
Ghoulish Delight I Floop the Pig Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Alternative Swankstyle Posts: 19,348	Dear Prudence: I think you're just not trying hard enough. If you'd just start responding to my strict disciplinary methods of training, I think you'll find you can reach with your tongue whatever you'll put your mind to. Just think of the marketability should you succeed! Respectfully, Boris __________________ 'He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me.' -TJ
	Submit to Quotes

07-14-2006, 03:17 PM	#183
Ponine Virgin Ears Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: San Diego Posts: 2,075	Dear Worried Parents, Yes please, trust those instincts. Sometimes the receptionist at the counter doesnt know what they are talking about and the doctor doesnt care to tell them. Find a doc whom you feel deserves a vacation fund. THey are out there. Sincerely, Best friend of a practicing vet who was told they should not be taking time educating patients families on how to properly care for their animals, therefore would not be offered permanancy at the clinic. __________________ There's something strange, There's something wrong. I see a change - It's like when love dies.
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07-14-2006, 03:25 PM	#184
Not Afraid HI! Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 17,108	Dear Dad, What with the new brand of turkey? I like the other one better. Love, Pookie. PS. Why has Lyra decided she like turnkey now? Can you make it stop?
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07-14-2006, 03:44 PM	#185
€uroMeinke L'Hédoniste Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: A.S.C.O.T. Posts: 8,671	Dear Convoluted Performance Review Process: How is it that once you were a one page form filled out by my boss indicating whether I met or didn't meet my job requirements, and now you are a 14 page monstrosity filled with vacuous repetative statements that I am forced to write, that even my boss will not read, and in the end will be entered into some automated tracking system as a one-digit numeric code indicating whether or not I met my job requirements? __________________ I would believe only in a God that knows how to Dance. Friedrich Nietzsche
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07-14-2006, 04:19 PM	#186
Prudence Beelzeboobs, Esq. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Gavel - I haz it Posts: 6,287	Dear article author: At the time you submitted your updated article, you had finished your second year of law school. And yet, you cited to the syllabus of a Supreme Court opinion, rather than the actual opinion. The syllabus, which clearly states: "The syllabus constitutes no part of the opinion of the Court but has been prepared by the Reporter of Decisions for the convenience of the reader." That means that you, the author, need to find the relevant parts of the actual opinion. You do not cite to the headnotes. I am doing way more work on this S&C than I should be. I'm really wondering how it is that your article was selected. I'm glad the masthead won't specify which article I worked on. No love, Me. No love __________________ traguna macoities tracorum satis de
	Submit to Quotes

07-14-2006, 05:02 PM	#187
Mousey Girl Just Me Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: In The Flagon With The Dragon Posts: 2,437	Dear Idiots: I am not stupid. I will not open a Wells Fargo checking account and act as your U.S. money person. I do not believe that I will be able to make money this way. I know that you are basically spamming me with a scam and that eventually someone WILL bite. This someone is not me. From me. ps. to the other idiots who keep emailing and calling, if I have to pay to work for you, I don't want to work for you.
	Submit to Quotes

07-14-2006, 07:06 PM	#188
Ghoulish Delight I Floop the Pig Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Alternative Swankstyle Posts: 19,348	Dear Grumpy Coworker, I suppose I understand that being your age, still working a pretty grunt job, AND the company is going through some pretty signifcant (and often stupid) restructuring gives you some good reason to be grumpy. So I will forgive you your daily grumbling, head shaking, and portents of doom. I will even forgive your buck-shot strategy of grousing about every single thing management proposes, causing valid complaints from the rational among us to get lost in the noise. But damnit, would it kill you to just say, "Thank you," or "You too," when someone says, "Have a good weekend"? Are you really that joyless that the only response to the prospect of an enjoyable 2 days without work is, "Pfft, yeah right."? I mean, holy sh!t. Signed, Not yet broken spirit. __________________ 'He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me.' -TJ
	Submit to Quotes

07-14-2006, 08:36 PM	#189
Mousey Girl Just Me Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: In The Flagon With The Dragon Posts: 2,437	Dear Mr Denny, I know that your life is stressful. I know that on top of working for a bi-polar woman and every day with her is a new adventure, that you have a hectic homelife. Heck, you have 7 kids with 5 being todlers. The least you could have done is answer when I called you every day this week. YOU were the one who told me to call!! All you had to do was tell me that she wasn't ready to have me come back. I'm a big girl, I already figured that out. You didn't have to leave the room when I came in today. I wasn't there to cause a scene. All I was doing was picking up the remains of my stuff. I think it is time for you to grow up a bit. ~ Your former co-worker/underling
	Submit to Quotes

07-15-2006, 01:27 PM	#190
Freaky Tiki Super Swank Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 176	Dear Christian Music Festival People: Hi...um it's me again. I really cannot stress to you how much I would like for you to go home. Really, I mean it. I have to work early in the morning, and I really don't appreciate having your crappy genre of music keeping me awake until midnight. I'll be honest if it was good music it'd be different, if you were playing a lullaby to put me to sleep, I'd actually be supporting your endeavor. And could you please explain to me why it needs to be so loud? I mean I support rock and/or roll, but let's be reasonable....if I can make out the lyrics to a song and I'm 3 miles away, isn't that a little overkill? Do you really find it productive to keep people in a 3 mile radius awake all night? I don't. __________________ This is nothing.
	Submit to Quotes