Crazy Pet Lover Seeks Same

[Morrigoon]

Hee hee... that's it, I'm starting a campaign to force adolescent boys to watch chick flicks!

[mistyisjafo]

I'm not sure if porn is the only problem. Look at movies and magazines, if you aren't 5' 11'', blonde and busty in Orange county then it seems impossible to date.

As for having to ask guys out...I HATE having to be the one to make the first move but it seems that in general we women have to be the pursuer and not the pursuee.

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

You know, I often think those magazines affect women more than men. We assume it's what men want and judge ourselves by those standards. But those magazines are made for women, read by women, assimilated by women, and we hold ourselves up to those standards. I'm not saying that the patriarchy doesn't have its say. I've read Holy Anorexia. I know what a damaging patriarchy can accomplish. But I hear more women criticize other women for their apperance than I hear men criticize women. Well, my dad is actually pretty catty, come to think of it.

Consider, for a moment, the hippy, busty, mousey-haired girl walking down the street with the Brad Pitt type. I see this often enough. And it's usually the girls who say, "What's he doing with HER?"

That's not to say there aren't shallow men, but as my friend Melissa used to say, "Most men are just so happy to see crotch hair and boobs, they think you're a goddess." Man, she used to crack me up. "Boobies and hair!" she'd say. "BOOBIES AND HAIR!"

And one of my favorite all-time quotes, which I've probably already posted here, was said to a friend at a party. She was insecure and nervous being around so many models and a guy overheard her and said, "Show me a beautiful woman, and I'll show you a man tired of f#$king her."

Women are often our own worst enemies. "Jealousy kills girls." Saw that on a t-shirt once, with Betty and Veronica fighting. "Vogue and Elle Kill Girls" too, maybe. But I don't know too many men who read Vogue.

Movies and TV may have more of an ill effect on dating culture, expectations, etc. I read an interesting article about single Japanese girls that talked about how strange they found Friends - because the fixation on relationships and love was so heightened and ridiculous.

As for porn, I'll have to agree with Tim Burton on this. He was recently interviewed at www.chud.com, and he had some interesting things to say about the contemporary sex industry. At least I think it was Burton.

[SwankBeer]

Its TRUE!! All those stupid magazines do is pick at your confidence. They've made alot of you forget how beautiful you really are. As far as online dating goes, some people are more comfortable meeting people that way, others are more comfortable meeting face to face. Do what makes you comfortable, its the only way to have your true personality come out.

[alphabassettgrrl]

Yep, popular culture erodes our sense of ourselves. Yes, tall blond and busty is hot, but many other looks are just as hot. Personally, it's not so much what a woman looks like so much as if she's comfortable with herself. I'll take the average girl who likes herself, over the model-type who doesn't.

[mistyisjafo]

Originally Posted by SwankBeer

Its TRUE!! All those stupid magazines do is pick at your confidence. They've made alot of you forget how beautiful you really are. As far as online dating goes, some people are more comfortable meeting people that way, others are more comfortable meeting face to face. Do what makes you comfortable, its the only way to have your true personality come out.

Thanks Swank!

It's true, we do forget that we are beautiful no matter what shape or size. I think that if someone was truly interested in me, then my size shouldn't matter. I also believe it's important to look you're best no matter what and to be confident.

As for online dating, it is more of a comfort zone. You can have a conversation with a perfect stranger with out ever looking them in the eye.

[alphabassettgrrl]

I have *no* idea why we buy those magazines. I guess from a sense of "somebody" knows what's cool, and we want to know, too. So you take an insecure woman, who buys the magazine, that makes her even more insecure.

Great marketing strategy, sucky life strategy. I'm cool, regardless what the magazines say. If you disagree, don't hang out with me.

I do sometimes wonder what the "30 ways to drive him wild in bed" might have, but not enough to look.

It's not that the magazine overtly tells us we're ugly- it's a subtext. They show models, and if the models are beautiful, and we don't look like that, by logic we must be ugly. It just works on a subconscious level which makes it all the more dangerous, and hard to see.

[Not Afraid]

I'm sitting here trying to think of all of the 5'11" blond, busty women I knew/know in OC (where I grew up). Now, I'm expanding it to LA.

You know, I can't think of one that I actually know in my broad circle of friends.


Are there really THAT many lonely men out there? And, if that's what they want, shouldn't the move to, say, Sweeden, and open leave more room for men who actually want real variety, intelligence and laughter?

And, who would want a guy like that anyways? Seems like a guy with absolutely NO imagination.

[Prudence]

Once again, I must live in some parallel universe. I don't think I've ever read a Vogue or Elle or, saints preserve us, Cosmo. I've never seen my friends read them, either. But I have seen my husband and other men gleefully devouring FHM and Maxim. [I happen to know that my husband prefers larger women, but it does bug me when he brings those magazines home - if for no other reason than it means he's found yet another line of "manmedics" he wants to try and dammit, that stuff's expensive.]

Also, I can't remember the last time my physical appearance was criticized by a woman, but men do it all the time and have since I can remember. I work on a college campus and I can't even count the number of times some frat boy has mooed at me or otherwise insulted me as I waited to cross the street to the parking lot. Guys who are even more obese than I am have no qualms about outright informing me that I'm an embarrassment to the human race. Out loud. In public. Complete strangers. Because they're such skilled penile manipulators that their size is irrelevant -- they're livin' large! And apparently my potential range of skills is limited to lying there and looking pretty and I look like a beached whale so I'm an utter failure and should take up bulimia immediately, if not sooner.

Now, where I *do* get competition from women is in the workplace or at school. Granted, the game was set up by men, but women continue to play by those rules! There's this idea that now women are all liberated and the executive offices get their token woman. And rather than help mentor other women and make a more gender equal workplace, some women who've "made it" act like there's only one slot and it's theirs and they'll keep you on the other side of the glass ceiling by any means necessary, lest you replace them as the token woman.

[alphabassettgrrl]

We are our own worst enemy, and I've never understood it. I hope I never do. Prudence, I'm sorry you've bourne the brunt of criticism. Beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes.

Guys, if we ever get our act together, look out!