A sympathetic ear, please... - Page 2

libraryvixen · 10-10-2005, 04:05 PM

I am so sorry MBC.

You and Matthew are in my thoughts.

Drince88 · 10-10-2005, 04:29 PM

I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, and also for his family.

I agree, if possible, call the family sooner rather than later and offer an ear or memories, or whatever they need. I like the idea of writing a note to the daughter. Even a simple sympathy note means a lot to people in a time like this.

Motorboat Cruiser · 10-10-2005, 04:32 PM

First, thanks everyone for your kind thoughts. They mean so much to Matthew and I right now.

The situation is a bit complex. The mother doesn't like us. She's only met me once for about 5 minutes after he moved in. The conversation basically went "Why are you helping him. He is a loser." She then proceeded to tell him that she wasn't going to allow her daughter to see him over here because it was an unsafe environment. He called the cops because he had visitation rights and was told that the mother didn't want the daughter here because we are gay. The police came over and walked around. He told the mother that we seemed like good people and the place was clean and safe. The mother then reluctantly allowed her to come over here. I understand that any mother would be apprehensive towards letting her daughter stay at a place with two strangers though and tried to not let the "gay" comment get me too upset. Anyway, I've never had another opportunity to talk to the mother and she doesn't know anything about either of us. Therefore, it's a bit of an awkward phone call to make. She may take it well or she may start screaming. Don't really know. That's why we thought it might be a good idea to wait a day or two. She may even show up over here.

Really, we just want to let them know that we are available to them with any questions that they might have. We also want to reassure the daughter that she is always welcome to come by and talk if she would like.

As far as his belongings, the coroner told me that there is an investigation because of the fact that it is an "apparent" suicide. We were told to restrict access to his belongings and not handle them until we were contacted. We decided the best thing to do was just close his door until we hear otherwise.

Again, thanks so much for thinking of us. It's been a tough day.

innerSpaceman · 10-10-2005, 05:17 PM

Lordy, lord lord lord - - I'm about a millionth as boggled and bamboozed as you two must be right now, so I hope you'll understand that I have nothing to give besides internet hugs, and nothing to make of it but flumuxed confusatory babbling.

Wishing you peace and strength and wisdom and love.

Morrigoon · 10-10-2005, 05:22 PM

Send a card to the daughter, perhaps with a nice letter about what a nice guy her dad was, and how when you met him, he was having a tough time, but seemed like such a nice person that you took him in to your home as a roommate, and what a good roommate he was, etc. Remember: all she's going to hear from her mom are heartbreaking things about what a loser he was. The girl could probably do to hear positive things and feel like somebody out there cared.

Motorboat Cruiser · 10-10-2005, 05:54 PM

I don't have the address for her or her mom but I'm going to try to get it. Good suggestion. Thanks.

wendybeth · 10-10-2005, 05:58 PM

I have little to add to what has already been expressed here, excepting a big ((((hug)))) to you and Mathew. How very sad, especially for his little girl.

Isaac · 10-10-2005, 06:05 PM

{speechless}

(((((((((((hugs)))))))))))

Moonliner · 10-10-2005, 06:16 PM

Kudos to you for showing kindness to a stranger. I can't imagine the pain he must have been feeling but I'm sure some of his last happy moments were with his daughter and you helped make that possible. You should be very proud for what you have done to help.

Cadaverous Pallor · 10-10-2005, 07:09 PM

Much love and hugs to both of you.

10-10-2005, 04:05 PM	#11
libraryvixen is part of the resistance Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: up North Posts: 963	I am so sorry MBC. You and Matthew are in my thoughts. __________________ Yes, I'm still alive!
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10-10-2005, 04:29 PM	#12
Drince88 Senior Member Join Date: May 2005 Posts: 481	I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this, and also for his family. I agree, if possible, call the family sooner rather than later and offer an ear or memories, or whatever they need. I like the idea of writing a note to the daughter. Even a simple sympathy note means a lot to people in a time like this.
	Submit to Quotes

10-10-2005, 04:32 PM	#13
Motorboat Cruiser Cruiser of Motorboats Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: So Cal Posts: 3,665	First, thanks everyone for your kind thoughts. They mean so much to Matthew and I right now. The situation is a bit complex. The mother doesn't like us. She's only met me once for about 5 minutes after he moved in. The conversation basically went "Why are you helping him. He is a loser." She then proceeded to tell him that she wasn't going to allow her daughter to see him over here because it was an unsafe environment. He called the cops because he had visitation rights and was told that the mother didn't want the daughter here because we are gay. The police came over and walked around. He told the mother that we seemed like good people and the place was clean and safe. The mother then reluctantly allowed her to come over here. I understand that any mother would be apprehensive towards letting her daughter stay at a place with two strangers though and tried to not let the "gay" comment get me too upset. Anyway, I've never had another opportunity to talk to the mother and she doesn't know anything about either of us. Therefore, it's a bit of an awkward phone call to make. She may take it well or she may start screaming. Don't really know. That's why we thought it might be a good idea to wait a day or two. She may even show up over here. Really, we just want to let them know that we are available to them with any questions that they might have. We also want to reassure the daughter that she is always welcome to come by and talk if she would like. As far as his belongings, the coroner told me that there is an investigation because of the fact that it is an "apparent" suicide. We were told to restrict access to his belongings and not handle them until we were contacted. We decided the best thing to do was just close his door until we hear otherwise. Again, thanks so much for thinking of us. It's been a tough day.
	Submit to Quotes

10-10-2005, 05:17 PM	#14
innerSpaceman Kink of Swank Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Inner Space Posts: 13,075	Lordy, lord lord lord - - I'm about a millionth as boggled and bamboozed as you two must be right now, so I hope you'll understand that I have nothing to give besides internet hugs, and nothing to make of it but flumuxed confusatory babbling. Wishing you peace and strength and wisdom and love.
	Submit to Quotes

10-10-2005, 05:22 PM	#15
Morrigoon I throw stones at houses Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Location: Location Posts: 9,534	Send a card to the daughter, perhaps with a nice letter about what a nice guy her dad was, and how when you met him, he was having a tough time, but seemed like such a nice person that you took him in to your home as a roommate, and what a good roommate he was, etc. Remember: all she's going to hear from her mom are heartbreaking things about what a loser he was. The girl could probably do to hear positive things and feel like somebody out there cared. __________________ http://bash.org/?top "It is useless for sheep to pass a resolution in favor of vegetarianism while wolves remain of a different opinion." -- William Randolph Inge
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10-10-2005, 05:54 PM	#16
Motorboat Cruiser Cruiser of Motorboats Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: So Cal Posts: 3,665	I don't have the address for her or her mom but I'm going to try to get it. Good suggestion. Thanks.
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10-10-2005, 05:58 PM	#17
wendybeth Nevermind Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,847	I have little to add to what has already been expressed here, excepting a big ((((hug)))) to you and Mathew. How very sad, especially for his little girl. __________________
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10-10-2005, 06:05 PM	#18
Isaac the one n only Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Anaheim Posts: 1,236	{speechless} (((((((((((hugs))))))))))) __________________
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10-10-2005, 06:16 PM	#19
Moonliner 8/30/14 - Disneyland -10k or Bust. Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 9,022	Kudos to you for showing kindness to a stranger. I can't imagine the pain he must have been feeling but I'm sure some of his last happy moments were with his daughter and you helped make that possible. You should be very proud for what you have done to help. __________________ - Taking it one step at a time.
	Submit to Quotes

10-10-2005, 07:09 PM	#20
Cadaverous Pallor ohhhh baby Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Parental Bliss Posts: 12,364	Much love and hugs to both of you. __________________ The second star to the right shines in the night for you
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