I really do suck at poetry... - Page 2

tracilicious · 11-01-2005, 07:32 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by €uroMeinke

The only sugestion I would make id to break up the piece into seperate stanzas beginning with the "oh Lonely" refrain, if nothing else to make it more readable and better call out the repetition as unifies the piece.

I thought of that, but it's a formula I've used frequently in the past and I wanted to try to break out of that. Plus, when I see separate groups of lines (what the heck are those called?) I tend to read them as separate paragraphs, and that wasn't necessarily how I heard it in my head.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Euro

My other suggestion would be to write and share more, the more you do the more you'll know what works and what doesn't.

You're absolutely right. When I was forced to write more I was much better at it. I'm quite rusty by now. Thanks for the ideas!

Capt Jack · 11-01-2005, 09:06 AM

wow, you guys think about this stuff way more than I do. the ones I write, they come out....blah blah blah.....try to make it make sense, blah blah blah. at the end, if I read it and like it....*click* post.

I liked this one. couldnt tell you how to make it better. thats all subjective anyway (IMO).
best advice, write what you feel. say it out loud...if it hits where you want....its a winner.

SacTown Chronic · 11-01-2005, 10:03 AM

I like it....kinda made me horny.

Not Afraid · 11-01-2005, 12:21 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SacTown Chronic

I like it....kinda made me horny.

Darling, you will DIE horney!

Capt Jack · 11-01-2005, 12:31 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Not Afraid

Darling, you will DIE horney!

ah, but the question being....can you die FROM it?

tracilicious · 11-01-2005, 03:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Capt Jack

ah, but the question being....can you die FROM it?

Let's hope not, or I'll soon be a widow...

tracilicious · 11-01-2005, 03:54 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SacTown Chronic

I like it....kinda made me horny.

At last, my life's work has been fulfilled.

tracilicious · 11-01-2005, 03:58 PM

CP, those are all great suggestions/ideas. I'm not really "using' the poem for anything, so I suppose I'll just leave it, but those tips will definitely help me next time. I can almost guarantee that my teen poetry was awful-er than yours. I have no way to prove it, as those got thrown out long ago. :P

11-01-2005, 09:06 AM	#2
Capt Jack check your head Join Date: Oct 2005 Posts: 4,174	wow, you guys think about this stuff way more than I do. the ones I write, they come out....blah blah blah.....try to make it make sense, blah blah blah. at the end, if I read it and like it....click post. I liked this one. couldnt tell you how to make it better. thats all subjective anyway (IMO). best advice, write what you feel. say it out loud...if it hits where you want....its a winner. __________________ a clear conscience is a sure sign of a fuzzy memory
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11-01-2005, 10:03 AM	#3
SacTown Chronic the myth of the dream Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 2,217	I like it....kinda made me horny.
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11-01-2005, 03:58 PM	#8
tracilicious avatar transition Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: in-between Posts: 2,487	CP, those are all great suggestions/ideas. I'm not really "using' the poem for anything, so I suppose I'll just leave it, but those tips will definitely help me next time. I can almost guarantee that my teen poetry was awful-er than yours. I have no way to prove it, as those got thrown out long ago. :P __________________ And now Harry, let us step into the night and pursue that flighty temptress, adventure! - Albus Dumbledore
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