worst.skipper.ever.

[Alex]

I have to be honest and say that I've never taken on a ride on Jungle Cruise where I enjoyed the spiel, it is inherently unfunny to me*, but there are definitely skippers that are much worse than others.


* I still like the ride a lot, just not for the banter, I just try to tune that out. Kind of like if I were deaf I could enjoy the Electrical Parade.

[Moonliner]

After listening to his spiel, I would have to say that "The first sign of danger" was really the second sign of danger...

[Motorboat Cruiser]

Wow, just....wow.

Even with a thread title like "worst.skipper.ever", I grossly underestimated how bad this was going to be. I disagree with Alex. I haven't heard worse.

I generally love the Jungle Cruise. One of my favorites actually. It pains me that great skippers are a rarity anymore. These days, I feel lucky when I hear a new joke.

[Alex]

I didn't mean to imply I'd heard worse than this one, I meant that even though I don't think I've ever heard a "good spiel" this is a really, really bad one.

[innerSpaceman]

(Nighttime. The Jungle Cruise. Circa 2005)


"We are approaching the dangerous bend in the river where the hippopotimus raise their young. Hippos are very wary and easily startled when protecting their calves, and are at their most treacherous when the babies are very young. We must proceed cautiously"

The wily Jungle Cruise skipper then douses the lights aboard the Irriwadi Queen and putters ever so slowly into the hazardous pool beyond. The launch's motor is cut. It is pitch black. Completely silent. Not even bubbles betray the presence of any hippos. We drift through the pool so stealthily and slowly that we wonder what has happened to all the other boats that should be coming up behind.

There are none. No sound, no movement disturbs the eerie stillness of the hippo pool.

We drift through the pitch darkness of the pool for several minutes. Then we hear it ... perhaps from the far shore, perhaps from the very prow of our boat ... we can't be sure. But the sound is clear.

"Maaaama"


"Maaaaaama"






"mama?"

"mama?"











BANG!![/gunshot]




"Got him."






The satisfied pilot throttles up again, and we leave the deadly hippo pool behind.







(An excerpt from my favorite Jungle Cruise spiel ever)

[Gn2Dlnd]

I remember that night! Best Jungle Cruise skipper I ever had.

Thanks, Mousepoo, for posting the worst.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Originally Posted by orbitalpunk

OMG.. thats pretty bad. I think i've heard him before. I recognize the laugh.

I love getting on the jungle cruise just before the rides close. If they see that the audience are all adults, they have a oh so slightly more adult cruise. The funniest segment i heard while on the cruise was when we got to the monkeys, just before the elephants, hmm.. or was it just before the lions den, well they're a bunch of monkeys on these cliffs, and he kept pointing out how the monkeys were just standing there, and not moving making hideous sounds. and he was making this god awful monkey sound and pointing out how these monkeys are glued to the rocks just sitting there all day making these weird noises. and he just kept making the monkey noises over and over and over. It was so funny. Just had to be there.. Anyways, anyone wanna share some Jungle Cruise stories? Im sure ya got em.

It was part of the savannah part, with the giraffes/gnus/etc and the lion's den. They used to have baboons there on the rocks and they made some very odd noises indeed - as a skipper once pointed out to us, they sounded like boars. They've been moved as of last year to the abandoned camp, where they scream at the gorillas that have taken over. Now those rocks are empty.

If you haven't been since they made that change, you should go - there are some awesome new effects. Even if your skipper sucks you can still check that out.

[Matterhorn Fan]

I'm so over the Jungle Cruise.

Though I gotta say, the worst skipper I've ever encountered was in Florida.

[Prudence]

One of the best skippers we've had was in Florida - but he was one of the Hong Kong Disneyland trainees (nametag said "Kenny"). He was totally deadpan the entire time and the rest of the boat was filled with people apparently unclear on the concept. So Ryan and I would laugh at one of his tossed off one-liners and the other passengers would stare as if we had suddenly each sprouted additional heads and we'd just laugh harder. Kenny was pretty funny.