The unexamined life

[Gemini Cricket]

You suck. Uh, according to who?
I bet if you asked the kids and your wife and those kids you coach, I think you maybe surprised to know how much of an impact you have on their lives.
You can not compare your life with the accomplishments of others. You've accomplished lots. I'm sure if you think on it hard enough you'll see it for yourself.
Don't feel too bad for too long. If you have a dusty old goal that you've been putting off, why don't you work at it asap? Just a thought.

[MouseWife]

I have to agree with the above statement about your wife and kids; to think you suck at your life is actually a bit demeaning to them, don't you think? You are so important to them, to say what you've done with/for them makes you feel 'sucky' is totally coming from a down place for you. As said, we all feel this way at one time or another but what you do have, it is what it is. And that ain't sucky.

We all do impact others every day, good or bad.

Now, you do have the power to change things. First off, take care of your home. Do you feel you don't spend enough time with your kids? Change that! Do you feel that you and your wife don't get enough alone time? Fix that, too!

After you get your home in order, well, yes, there are a lot of ways you can volunteer, become involved. I would think this would also be a great experience for your family.

As it has been said, you can't compare yourself to others. Just decide what it is you want from yourself.

I wish you the best because I know this must be a hard time. My post, I didn't mean to make light of your plight if I did.

[Snowflake]

What GC said, you certainly don't suck. Not everyone can do "big things" a life well lived is one where you leave it and the world better than when you arrived and have done at least one good thing. I'm sure if you asked those close to you and the kids you coach, you make a huge difference in all their lives.

Like George Bailey in It's a Wonderful Life, very few of us know the impact we have on others lives. If you could have a day to see what the lives around you would be like if you were not here, doing what you do, you'd see most assuredly, you do not suck, Leo.

[Motorboat Cruiser]

All this talk of sucking, as if it is a bad thing.

[scaeagles]

Well, I appreciate the anti-suckage comments....I wasn't really meaning to imply that I think I'm a horrible person, as I don't. I was just taking a look at what I do, what I don't do, what I should do, and realizing I fall far short of the person I should be.

I've never been much of a legacy person, but there was something about that funeral last night. I suppose I have been fortunate not having anyone near to me die since I have had children, as this is the first funeral I've been to in over 13 years. With the inevitable contemplation of ones own demise that a funeral brings about, have I raised the best kids I could have to this point? Have I taught them the things that are most important to me and to them?

I realize not everyone can be a humanitarian, and it isn't in me. I also realize that I make an impact in the lives of kids I coach (going to another wedding of a former player tomorrow). I don't wonder if I'll be remembered as a great man, and I don't really care about that. I just wonder mostly about my kids and if they'd be.....ready isn't the right word. I don't even know what the right word is. I don't want kudos for a life well lived, I just want to make sure I've lived it.

[CoasterMatt]

Originally Posted by scaeagles

I don't want kudos for a life well lived, I just want to make sure I've lived it.

You've just got to live it then.

[wendybeth]

It really all boils down to your definition of a life well lived. I could give a crap what other's think about me when I'm gone so I don't think I've ever worried about a legacy or such nonsense, but I do want to make a difference in people's lives in a positive way. I think if you are lucky enough to be blessed with family, friends and physical/financial health, then maybe it is only right to pay it forward. I guess my definition would be that I don't just take without giving back, and I hope I impart that lesson to my kid.

[blueerica]

My grandfather was a quiet man. Hardworking and did right by his family 100% of the time. I gave the eulogy at his funeral. Of all the amazing things I knew about him (he saved my life and helped me to become the person I am today, which I think is a pretty good person), I had no idea the impact he'd had on the lives of others until his funeral. We expected around 100, maybe a few more to attend. When all was said and done, as I took the podium, I realized that there had to be at least 300 people there, perhaps more. The church had people standing outside who couldn't get in.

Some had traveled across town, some across the state. Many even came from out of state. Once I realized that I knew so few of the people there (relatively), I decided to open up the floor for them to talk about my grandpa - and the stories I heard fill my heart and my memory of him today. People came that knew him from during the Korean war. They told stories of advice he'd given them, and one man - who went by the name of Curly - told a story about how my grandpa saved his life.

Throughout his life, these small acts of kindness left a big imprint with these people. If we can hope to do anything in this lifetime, it's to leave that sort of thing behind. My grandfather didn't need the glory in his lifetime, but on the day we put him in the ground will stand out in my mind for the rest of my life. I realized then that he was the kind of person I wanted to be, that I would never know the depth of impact he had on those that were no longer around to tell the story, and that we all have that chance in our lifetimes, whether we're helping the lady next door, the kid crossing the street - or if you're in Zambia, like my friend Will who will no doubt leave a legacy behind for the people he'd helped over there, even if they'd never make it to America to tell us the story.

On another note - its good to examine our lives, but not too much. Spending too much time looking back doesn't allow us to be in the present, nor does it help us to move into the future. (Now it's time for a trite phrase...) "All things in moderation."