Sooooo..... - Page 207

wendybeth · 03-17-2009, 12:58 AM

I've just had one of those weird, sort of serendipitous moments. I was going through a stack of photos and memorabilia that my mom had saved over the years, and I ran across a journal that she had been working on. Seven years ago, she had a horrendous case of acute pancreatitis and spent about 4 months in the hospital. While she was convalescing, I gave her a journal book with a jar filled with questions about her life, loves and everything that might mean something to her. The idea was to pull a strip with a question out of the jar every day, then answer it in her journal. Truthfully, I never thought she would do it, but I was wrong. I found the journal, with the question strips inserted on the appropriate pages, and started reading it tonight. What a great gift for her to leave behind- she wrote about her marriage to my dad, favorite composers, etc. She didn't like Mozart- that sort of shocked me!

I've alluded to our difficulties in the past, but her passing was made especially hard because she pretty much left everything to two of my brothers, both meth addicts and one who is in prison for meth production at this time. I got- get this- .94 % of her estate, and my sister Bobbi (who did everything for her) got nothing. It's not the money, she didn't have much, but the principle. How the fvck did she arrive at .94%? I would have preferred a complete omission- my brain just can't figure out where the hell that number came from. All of our lives, she favored the boys and treated us girls like crap, and at the end it's the girls who are taking care of everything. (Including paying for her burial). The boys have not been around at all. Anyway, I've been very hurt and angry, but reading this journal sort of helped. I really think she just knew us girls would be okay, and left the money to the ones who would need it the most. Still, it would have been nice for her to say as much. (No will, of course). This past week I've been incredibly conflicted- alternating between sadness and anger and hatred- you name it. This morning I had to sign her burial papers and pick up her effects from the coroner, so I was especially stressed. Then, I happened across this journal, and it made me realize that we did mean at least a little something to her. I had to take a break while reading. so I went out on the deck. I heard a sound that made me look into the darkness of our yard, and less than five feet away from me a deer was standing, just staring at me. I held as still as I could, and the deer continued to stare intently for at least two minutes, then slowly walked away. I suddenly felt a lot better, about everything.

Gemini Cricket · 03-17-2009, 01:05 AM

wendybeth,
What an amazing post.

Don't stress about what you're feeling. Emotions don't come with margins and instructions. They are what they are. Ride 'em.
If it's any consolation, you may not have gotten the validation that you wanted from your mom, but in the end, do you really need it? Your own family loves you. Your buds on the LoT love you. You're a wonderful person.

On the other hand, maybe your mom came back as a deer...

I'm just kidding. That's what I do, I kid. No offense meant.

wendybeth · 03-17-2009, 01:16 AM

Well, pity her if that's true- hunting season around here is brutal! (Palin would feel right at home). Thanks for the kind words, though- you are a dear.

(Pun intended).

I stopped looking for validation from her a long time ago, but it still rankles in that everything is playing out exactly as we girls have always thought it would. My sis Vicki has had a credit card for years now intended solely for the purpose of paying mom's burial expenses. She wasn't the kind of person who worried about such things, and we knew we'd be the ones to deal with it. In fairness to my brothers they have indicated that they don't want their share unless it's split equally, so Bobbi is dealing with the logistics on that. We'll see if they actually stick to it- I'm not holding my breath- but if they do, the insurance company will give the money to the person we designate (Bobbi) and she'll divvy it up after all estate expenses have been settled.

bewitched · 03-17-2009, 07:11 AM

Oh WB, how emotionally draining. I'm glad that, in the end, with the journal, she left you something with meaning.

bewitched · 03-17-2009, 07:12 AM

I have a small pimple just on the inside edge of my nostril.

It hurts.

MouseWife · 03-17-2009, 07:49 AM

Wendybeth, in the midst of all of that, what a nice thing to find, the journal.

I almost spit out my coffee at the deer hunting comment!!!

I really feel for you in this; I am one of 7 daughters and only 2 sons. Well, maybe it is worse for ONE of the brothers because she prefers ONE over everyone. So, at least we sisters can say it's because we aren't a son, but, what does that other brother think?

bewitched; just be glad that your whole face isn't covered with them...imagine how much that would hurt!!! {that is what I always think when I get one...OUCH}. It makes that one a lot less painful. To me at least.

Kevy Baby · 03-17-2009, 08:15 AM

WB: wonderful, honest post - thank you for sharing.

But WTF: she didn't like MOZART?!? If I were stuck on a desert island with only one "artist" (composer), it would be Mozart's library.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Mousey Girl

ttthhhpppttt!!!

I wish I was.

ttthhhpppttt!!!

I'm glad I'm not.

katiesue · 03-17-2009, 09:53 AM

WB - I'm so glad you found the journal.

As for all the other stuff if there's no will I'm pretty sure (I'm going through the courts now on all this) that it has to be divided between all heirs. The only things that don't are things that had specific people listed as beneficiaries, like insurances, bank accounts, investment accounts. Meaning if your two brothers are the only ones listed on life insurance then they're the only ones who get it. If she had no beneficiary listed or anyone else as a co-owner on her bank account that would have to be split amongst all of you, after of course all the estate billls have been paid.

Now your brothers are welcome to split anything they get amongst the rest of you as at that point it's their money. But the insurance or bank will only pay the beneficiaries.

3894 · 03-17-2009, 09:55 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wendybeth

I stopped looking for validation from her a long time ago, but it still rankles in that everything is playing out exactly as we girls have always thought it would.

In a way, death is a liberation for the living, too. Peace be with you, wendybeth.

3894 · 03-17-2009, 09:57 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kevy Baby

But WTF: she didn't like MOZART?!? If I were stuck on a desert island with only one "artist" (composer), it would be Mozart's library.

As sung by Eartha Kitt, am I right?

03-17-2009, 12:58 AM	#2061
wendybeth Nevermind Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,847	I've just had one of those weird, sort of serendipitous moments. I was going through a stack of photos and memorabilia that my mom had saved over the years, and I ran across a journal that she had been working on. Seven years ago, she had a horrendous case of acute pancreatitis and spent about 4 months in the hospital. While she was convalescing, I gave her a journal book with a jar filled with questions about her life, loves and everything that might mean something to her. The idea was to pull a strip with a question out of the jar every day, then answer it in her journal. Truthfully, I never thought she would do it, but I was wrong. I found the journal, with the question strips inserted on the appropriate pages, and started reading it tonight. What a great gift for her to leave behind- she wrote about her marriage to my dad, favorite composers, etc. She didn't like Mozart- that sort of shocked me! I've alluded to our difficulties in the past, but her passing was made especially hard because she pretty much left everything to two of my brothers, both meth addicts and one who is in prison for meth production at this time. I got- get this- .94 % of her estate, and my sister Bobbi (who did everything for her) got nothing. It's not the money, she didn't have much, but the principle. How the fvck did she arrive at .94%? I would have preferred a complete omission- my brain just can't figure out where the hell that number came from. All of our lives, she favored the boys and treated us girls like crap, and at the end it's the girls who are taking care of everything. (Including paying for her burial). The boys have not been around at all. Anyway, I've been very hurt and angry, but reading this journal sort of helped. I really think she just knew us girls would be okay, and left the money to the ones who would need it the most. Still, it would have been nice for her to say as much. (No will, of course). This past week I've been incredibly conflicted- alternating between sadness and anger and hatred- you name it. This morning I had to sign her burial papers and pick up her effects from the coroner, so I was especially stressed. Then, I happened across this journal, and it made me realize that we did mean at least a little something to her. I had to take a break while reading. so I went out on the deck. I heard a sound that made me look into the darkness of our yard, and less than five feet away from me a deer was standing, just staring at me. I held as still as I could, and the deer continued to stare intently for at least two minutes, then slowly walked away. I suddenly felt a lot better, about everything. __________________
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03-17-2009, 01:05 AM	#2062
Gemini Cricket ... Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 13,244	wendybeth, What an amazing post. Don't stress about what you're feeling. Emotions don't come with margins and instructions. They are what they are. Ride 'em. If it's any consolation, you may not have gotten the validation that you wanted from your mom, but in the end, do you really need it? Your own family loves you. Your buds on the LoT love you. You're a wonderful person. On the other hand, maybe your mom came back as a deer... I'm just kidding. That's what I do, I kid. No offense meant.
	Submit to Quotes

03-17-2009, 01:16 AM	#2063
wendybeth Nevermind Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,847	Well, pity her if that's true- hunting season around here is brutal! (Palin would feel right at home). Thanks for the kind words, though- you are a dear. (Pun intended). I stopped looking for validation from her a long time ago, but it still rankles in that everything is playing out exactly as we girls have always thought it would. My sis Vicki has had a credit card for years now intended solely for the purpose of paying mom's burial expenses. She wasn't the kind of person who worried about such things, and we knew we'd be the ones to deal with it. In fairness to my brothers they have indicated that they don't want their share unless it's split equally, so Bobbi is dealing with the logistics on that. We'll see if they actually stick to it- I'm not holding my breath- but if they do, the insurance company will give the money to the person we designate (Bobbi) and she'll divvy it up after all estate expenses have been settled. __________________
	Submit to Quotes

03-17-2009, 07:11 AM	#2064
bewitched 101% Yummy! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: I know Kung Fu. Posts: 1,413	Oh WB, how emotionally draining. I'm glad that, in the end, with the journal, she left you something with meaning. __________________ ~Whitney Wondering about the future of Ellington Woodard's punk@ss sh!t.
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03-17-2009, 07:12 AM	#2065
bewitched 101% Yummy! Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: I know Kung Fu. Posts: 1,413	I have a small pimple just on the inside edge of my nostril. It hurts. __________________ ~Whitney Wondering about the future of Ellington Woodard's punk@ss sh!t.
	Submit to Quotes

03-17-2009, 07:49 AM	#2066
MouseWife Senior Member Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Da' Beach Posts: 2,957	Wendybeth, in the midst of all of that, what a nice thing to find, the journal. I almost spit out my coffee at the deer hunting comment!!! I really feel for you in this; I am one of 7 daughters and only 2 sons. Well, maybe it is worse for ONE of the brothers because she prefers ONE over everyone. So, at least we sisters can say it's because we aren't a son, but, what does that other brother think? bewitched; just be glad that your whole face isn't covered with them...imagine how much that would hurt!!! {that is what I always think when I get one...OUCH}. It makes that one a lot less painful. To me at least. __________________ Summa' time....when the livins' easy.........
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03-17-2009, 09:53 AM	#2068
katiesue Senior Member Join Date: Apr 2005 Location: San Diego Posts: 4,678	WB - I'm so glad you found the journal. As for all the other stuff if there's no will I'm pretty sure (I'm going through the courts now on all this) that it has to be divided between all heirs. The only things that don't are things that had specific people listed as beneficiaries, like insurances, bank accounts, investment accounts. Meaning if your two brothers are the only ones listed on life insurance then they're the only ones who get it. If she had no beneficiary listed or anyone else as a co-owner on her bank account that would have to be split amongst all of you, after of course all the estate billls have been paid. Now your brothers are welcome to split anything they get amongst the rest of you as at that point it's their money. But the insurance or bank will only pay the beneficiaries. __________________ My life is so exciting I can hardly stand it.
	Submit to Quotes