Get It Off Your (Dead Man's) Chest: Pirates Movie Reviews

[Alex]

I'm curious, iSm, what you hated about the first one and then later decided you were wrong about it?

I agree that the first one did a great job with character introduction but then after that I feel it was all over the place in plotting. But then this one didn't do character introductions except for Davy Jones and otherwise assumes you know who everybody is from the first movie (interestingly Slate's critic to review this film saw it without ever seeing the first one; she hated it).

As for it just being a set up for the next movie, has there ever been a movie that already has its sequal written that isn't mostly a setup for the next movie? There aren't a lot of examples of this but almost by definition the earlier part is going to be incomplete on its own as will the latter part (but you won't be left hanging, obviously).

Since I Disney hasn't been shy about the fact that the two movies were written and filmed together I don't really have a problem with the format more common to television.

[Not Afraid]

I haven't read the other posts yet, but I can only imagine that there is no joy in LoTville today.

Contrived. That's my word for it.

Although there were moments of swashbuckling fun (action sequences mostly involving round things) the overall film seems so contrived. There was no mystery, not an ounce of suspense, and the gags got disracting.

I am stil not a fan of CGI effects, and the Cracken didn't help matters. I find they completely take away from the story that is unfolding. However, the story didn't really unfold in an interesting way, so I guess I shouldn't have bothered me.

Orlando Bloom was so wooden throughout the performance. When he did emote, it was as if a characature of himself was appearing - Look at my grimace while my father is whipping me! Johnny was entertaining as usual. I do love this character. Kiera did some fine acting, I thought. She at least tried to be real against wood-boy and Mr. Show.

In the Blue Bayou scene, I kept looking to see if I could see the strings on the fireflies.

The film ended and we stayed through credits. I said outloud - what happened to the dog? Chris called it. What a joke of an ending.

I thought that this film would enlighten me a bit about what they did to the attraction. It did nothing of the sort and it just made me even sadder about what they did to our beloved Pirates.

Such potential. Such unrealized potential.

[Not Afraid]

One other things that makes me roll my eyes:

Spoiler:

Several times either Jack or Elizabeth were holding the compass that points to your hearts true desire - or whateve the pharse is - and it always pointed to the other. Hence, the compass is broken. Are we supposed to be caught up in the unrequited love that is between them? Because, that is one poorly constructed love story, if you ask me.

A gem said after the film last night (I don't remember who said what).

Next attraction re-do - Pirates Jungle Cruise!

[Alex]

I didn't get that from the compass at all. In fact, it obviously didn't point to Jack when Elizabeth used it since it led them where they were trying to go. And when Jack used it it kept changing the direction it pointed, seemingly without any purpose so unless Elizabeth was moving around a lot, and very quickly, it wasn't pointing to her.

But I'll be seeing it again today (Lani wasn't able to skip work to join me at the press screening) so I'll watch for that and see if I was just missing it.

I agree on Orlando Bloom (and said as much in my review) but that was true of the first movie, Kingdom of Heaven (speaking of which, has anybody seen the director's cut on DVD and is it worth it?), three LotR movies, and presumably Elizabethtown as well. So no surprise there.

[Not Afraid]

The compass thing didn't occure to me until this morning after a cup of coffee, so I could be dead man's chest wrong. I'm sorry you have to see it again.

[€uroMeinke]

I found myself entertained by the film, since all I really wanted was some swashbuckling pirates, and I got that - but come the ending, I had to let out a groan and the Matrix imediately came to mind.

I find I missed the witty dialogue of the first film, Jack and Barbossa where absolutely charming in calling "Parley" or "refusing to aquiesce.." etc. and this film had none of that. I was also dissappointed in the derivative comedy used in some of the scenes - the whole "what is the key for" scene was just Monty Python "witch" scene, down to the delivery of lines. That just made the film less clever for me and the first was oh so very clever.

Bootstrap Bill, was a bit of a dissappointment for me - for those reading it, he was like Charles in Madam Bovary. So he stood up to a bunch of mutineying pirates? Eh, now he's just some post-fire-in-the-belly father-son resolution full of regrets for not playing catch together more often. Perhaps in part three they'll beat drums together and hug - bleh. I only hope they use Kieth Richards in a better way.

Predictions for part three - 1) Bootstrp Bill & Kieth Richards will save the day, casue that's what dads do 2) there where be a comedic scene in which Davy Jone's heart will be tossed about only to be caught by the dog like a frisbee.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Auuuuggggghhhh! I'm so frustrated! I tried so hard to like this movie!

Thar be spoilers ahead - I'm not using tags here.

Let's start with the good. I enjoyed much of it...

The entire cannibals sequence was wonderful. (minus the dog, sooooo stupid to have him there, though he is adorable). I loved the Time Bandits-esque escape from dangling balls, then the ensuing hamster ball adventure, and Sparrow's shish-kebab perils.

The Curse of the Wedding Gown was funny. I think the last couple of mentions could have been taken out but before then it was pretty hilarious.

Blue Bayou looked great and fit well into the story. I dug the voodoo chick too.

I thought Davy Jones was plenty menacing and adored his squidy head. Also loved his crew. Creepy and gorgeous.

Unlike the huge problems of character (more later) I really liked what they did with Norrington. They went a tad over the top with his humiliation but the rest of it was great.

Dug the three way fight scene, including the waterwheel. Loved the Kraken, definitely some awesome 20,000 Leagues action there. (Uber - you're right on timing - but you wouldn't want to see 20 minutes of other boats being taken by the Kraken.) Loved nearly all of the action and visual stuff, actually.

---

Now for the frustrating badness that ruined this movie for me.

Funny how you guys say it had no plot - this struck me as having nothing but plot. I felt like I was being read to. "Now this happens, now they go here, now they learn this, now they go here." On and on and completely lacking a feeling of fun and adventure as it went. Exact opposite of how the first movie felt.

So many repeat gags from the first movie. It seems funny to say having just seen Superman Returns, which contains so many references to the older movies, but in Pirates this tactic was done very poorly. They had little to do with what was happening and were tossed in as so much elbowing reminders of the first film (which did all of this way better).

The ride references were also crappy (other than BB). Why did we see someone being dunked in a well? You see it for a split second and it's like, WTF? They beat the jail scene to death - in the first it was homaged perfectly, so why bring it up again (and again and again)? There are so many other scenes in the ride that could be used. This movie had much less to do with the ride. It has nothing to do with the new overlay, that's sure, which makes the overlay look even worse.

Someone said above that much of the enjoyment was due to their love of the characters, and that's definitely true for Sparrow's antics...but much of my pain was due to my love of the characters.

Will Turner bored me to death. Bored! He was the fiery passion of the first film. Everyone in the audience fell in love with him. But here...eh. I was so sad. There was barely a moment where I felt for him at all.

Euro mentioned Bootstrap's problems. In the first he was a shining beacon - tried to keep his son out of piracy, was the only pirate who felt bad about mutiny - but here he's an slug and an idiot. When I thought of them putting Bootstrap in the second movie, I envisioned a strong, kick-ass character. Total letdown.

I did enjoy the usual Sparrow sillyness but I couldn't BELIEVE what they did to his character. Yes, he was somewhat a chicken in the first, but here he was a cold-blooded coward. A pirate may be willing to do a lot to save his own skin, but are you kidding me? One HUNDRED people would be put into one hundred years of servitude to the devil, just so he could escape what he deserved! And this was after he gave Davy Jones Will Turner. Just handed him over. I was horrified. This was not your average fun piratey escapade. This was fcked up! And his first mate helps him recruit souls??

And lastly, Barbossa, as well as the "death" of Jack. Look, if no one can die, then what's the bloody point? Once you kill someone and bring them back to life, no problem, then the whole adventure aspect is what dies. I don't WANT Barbossa back because Jack KILLED him. Why pull the trigger on Jack if he's not actually dead? What does it even mean? Awful, awful.

---

I summed it up to myself at the end of the movie. At the end of "Black Pearl", I was breathless, I was cheering, and I wanted to see it again, immediately. Definitely not so with this one. As NA said afterwards, "there are parts I want to see again but I don't want to sit through the other stuff."

I am sad.

[CoasterMatt]

I can't wait to see this done by bunnies

[Ghoulish Delight]

Originally Posted by innerSpaceman

When he was shot by Jack, Turner's blood had been spilled on the treasure, but the last coin had still not been returned to the chest. Aren't both things necessary for the curse to have been broken?

My justification for him dying was that the curse has a time lag. i.e., when a cursed pirate's non-moonlit flesh gets injured, it needs a bit of time to heal. So he gets shot, there's a hole in him, THEN the coins are returned, breaking the curse, bullet hole remaining. That's why he suddenly started to bleed.

He needs the heart to bargain with Davy Jones for release from their bargain. It wasn't made clear what destroying the heart would do ....perhaps if Davy Jones "dies," Sparrow would still have to serve under Hammerhead Man or ShrimpFace or some other promoted member of the Crustaceon Crew.

Jack said it. If he kills Jones by killing the heart, no one would be able to call off the Craken.

Umm, ditto to what the detractors have said. Forget the story problems, forget the loss of interest in once-interesting characters. What it all comes down to is...it lost its fun. The first movie was fun, beginning to end. This one was not. It was plodding and heavy-handed. The humor was no longer the point of the movie. They were just a string of comic relife punchlines. Feh.

Enjoyable bits and pieces to be sure, but a far cry from the first. Even the ride references seemed more of the Haunted Mansion Movie variety than the far more clever and integrated references of the first. I mean THREE jail scene references? THREE?! And they already had one in the first movie. Get over it!

[BarTopDancer]

Oh the other good part was the preview for the Transformers! Transformers. More than meets the eye. Transformers. Robots in disguise. That was a good preview. I totally thought it was going to be for some scary movie. I wonder if they will have Optimus Prime and how they will resolve that story line.