It's not fair

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

My thoughts are with you and your family, Pru. In this case, I'd say a disability is far better verdict than death. Given how supportive you are, and I imagine the rest of his family and friends are, he'll get through it, no matter how much hard work it might be. It's heartwrenching, of course. Nothing changes that. But it's where his life is taking him and it is what it is. It's not your fault, of course. It's no one's fault. That's what makes the tragic moments so difficult. There's often nowhere to turn one's anger and sadness but within. That only eats people up.

Steady on, you two.

[Prudence]

Originally Posted by Moonliner

Could you please better define: "miraculous healing". I truly hope your family is not waisting time and financial resources while the tumor continues to grow inside him on things like faith healers and south of the border clinics. While modern medicine obviously can't cure everything, an aggressive tumor, as you described, is best treated by invasive surgery. It sucks, it's not fair, and yes it's far from a perfect solution but it is still your best option.

(sigh) I thought I made explicit that he would, of course, be seeing the oncologist. However, since the medical options aren't particularly attractive, he would prefer that it just go away. He's very religious. However, he's also a scientist. He's not a wackadoo nut. But he doesn't see anything wrong with praying for a miraculous recovery between now and the date of surgery. As far as I know, one can hope for a miracle without abandoning conventional treatments.

[Moonliner]

Originally Posted by Prudence

(sigh) I thought I made explicit that he would, of course, be seeing the oncologist. However, since the medical options aren't particularly attractive, he would prefer that it just go away. He's very religious. However, he's also a scientist. He's not a wackadoo nut. But he doesn't see anything wrong with praying for a miraculous recovery between now and the date of surgery. As far as I know, one can hope for a miracle without abandoning conventional treatments.

Of course you are correct, I interpreted "when he gets back he'll see the oncologist" to mean that he would be delaying treatment while searching for a miraculous cure. I expect I have a blind spot here because I loath all of these "spiritual" clinics that prey on the despondent for what financial resources they have and do nothing but harm patients.

[Prudence]

Originally Posted by Moonliner

Of course you are correct, I interpreted "when he gets back he'll see the oncologist" to mean that he would be delaying treatment while searching for a miraculous cure. I expect I have a blind spot here because I loath all of these "spiritual" clinics that prey on the despondent for what financial resources they have and do nothing but harm patients.

Nope - just taking off for a pre-scheduled trip to Glacier, Montana with the in-laws. (No accounting for taste.) Given the circumstances, he's not interested in delaying the trip and one more week probably won't make a difference.

Fear not, the Zobrists are a well-educated, mostly rational clan. Hell's bells - we collect cancers like ... something that collects a lot. Apparently my grandmother had discussions with a mayo clinic at some point, because family cancer clusters are common, but family cancer clusters where the cancers are all different is another story.

So confession - this is part of why I'm so terrified. Everyone in the family gets cancer. I've always assumed I would too, eventually. But my brother - no one's ever had it this young. I worry for him, but I also worry for me.

[Mousey Girl]

I am at a total loss for words.

(((HUGS)))

[Drince88]

Hang in there!
{{Hugs}}

[€uroMeinke]

Good Heavens I'm in horror over what your poor brother has laready had to endure! Sheesh, I will keep both of you in my thoughts and hope either science or a miracle works in his favor.

[alphabassettgrrl]

Your brother is lucky to have such a supportive family. Prayers sent to the gods for all of you.

[Prudence]

It's not a happy update.

I talked to the faculty where I used to work and got a recommendation for "the" guy to see in this area. And he was covered by my brother's medical plan. Which all seemed wonderful...

Except that the referral didn't make it from point A to point B the first time, and everyone pointed their fingers at someone else. And then when it did go through, apparently they were rude to my sister-in-law over the phone and don't have any openings until mid-September. So now my brother says he's embarrassed to even work for the UW since they treat cancer patients so poorly.

And, now he's so upset he's resolved to just go get carved up ASAP and forget trying to find other options.

And it's my fault. Because I got people's hopes up and couldn't make it work and now he'll be a deformed cripple and I get to live with that guilt for the rest of my life. I should never have gotten involved.

So, there's the glorious update. If they tell me when surgery's scheduled, I'll update further, but I suspect I won't know anything until well after.

[Not Afraid]

Don't bash yourself for trying to help. You did what you felt was a good thing - and I think it was. You can't take responsability for other peoples' idiocracy.