Virtual Scapegoat - Page 3

Ghoulish Delight · 02-28-2005, 02:36 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

And then he threw his trashcan at me.

Filing cabinet.

I ran into and damaged the garage door track at a townhome my family was living in while our house was being repaired after the Northridge quake. Pulling into the garage I side swiped it. So I backed out, parked on the street. I tried to close the garage door and it got stuck, which turned out to be a good thing. I just said that when I got home (no one else was home when this happened) and tried to open the door, it got stuck and I noticed the track was bent.

wendybeth · 02-28-2005, 02:41 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

My brother broke the antenna off of his TV and brandished it at me like an autistic child having an epileptic swashbuckling fit.

And then he threw his trashcan at me.

Sibling love!

Lol!!!

Our family life was very animated. We all have big, loud personalities, and we all vied for attention. My mom mostly hid in her room.

One time, my horrible older brother (I like him better now, but at the time he was a real jerk) fell off the roof of the church across the street from our house. He broke his leg, and didn't want mom to know how he did it, so he made up a big story that I was supposed to corroborate. I immediately told her what really happened, of course. It was weeks before he could kick my ass. Oh, and when he fell off the roof, I had to get a blanket and drag him home on it, because he couldn't walk. I made sure to hit every bump along the way.

Eliza Hodgkins 1812 · 02-28-2005, 02:55 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

Filing cabinet.

I *heart* you.

Eliza Hodgkins 1812 · 02-28-2005, 02:56 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wendybeth

Lol!!!

Our family life was very animated. We all have big, loud personalities, and we all vied for attention. My mom mostly hid in her room.

One time, my horrible older brother (I like him better now, but at the time he was a real jerk) fell off the roof of the church across the street from our house. He broke his leg, and didn't want mom to know how he did it, so he made up a big story that I was supposed to corroborate. I immediately told her what really happened, of course. It was weeks before he could kick my ass. Oh, and when he fell off the roof, I had to get a blanket and drag him home on it, because he couldn't walk. I made sure to hit every bump along the way.

Is your last name, by any chance, Sedaris?

jdramj · 02-28-2005, 03:10 PM

When I was about 10 years old, I thought I could drive my Mom's fire engine red Datsun z??? (her true baby and also a stick shift). I turned the key, released the brake, popped it into gear and it jumped forward and hit my Dad's tool chest. I quickly set the brake and got the key out of the ignition. I ran into the house and put the key back exactly as I had found it. I was an only child...amazingingly enough, I was never questioned or punished.

wendybeth · 02-28-2005, 03:12 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

Is your last name, by any chance, Sedaris?

Lol!!! Oh, I am so giving you all the Reader's Digest versions, too. If I told some of the really good stuff, you'd shun me for sure. I have a sis-in-law who just has to be the model for Amy Sedaris's (that is her name, right?) character in Strangers With Candy. It was her sister that got nailed by the serial killer.

Cadaverous Pallor · 02-28-2005, 04:41 PM

Once I was brushing my teeth with my younger brother. He must've been 4 or 5, which makes me 8 or 9. I was swishing water in my mouth when I suddenly felt this irrisistible urge.

I spit the toothpastey water all over my brother's shirt. His shirt said "Born to Boogie" on it, I'll never forget it. He burst into tears. I was majorly busted, but I didn't feel contrite at all - it was worth it.

You just never get to do that!

---

One Hanukkah I brought home some song sheets from Hebrew school with some new songs. Our family always sings a bunch of songs during candlelighting. My dad was very pleased with the new additions and added them to the list. They were copied and stapled onto the old sheets. There were no music notes, just the lyrics. They are relatively well known Hanukkah songs that most Jews know.

What I could never tell my Dad is that he sang one of the lines out of tune. Dad is a trained singer.

He just hadn't heard the song in a long time. I knew the proper way to sing it since I'd sung it in school, of course. It drove me mad.

I think it was after 2 Hanukkahs that I finally cracked. At some other time in the year, I dug out all the song sheets at my Grandmother's house. There must've been something like 40 copies. I tore off the offending songs from each set (I knew all the songs I'd brought home had to be erased in order for this to be clean) and dumped crumpled them into the trash. All of this while the adults were socializing in the other room. I was never questioned on the stuffed trashcan in my Grandmother's den.

The punchline is that it didn't make much difference. I could never have pulled off this maneuver at home. We had our own set of sheets for our family. If they disappeared, one of us kids would have to be the culprit. So we continued to sing it at home.

Add to that that we had stopped having large family Hanukkah parties, so I didn't have to endure it there anyway. I think there was one year where we got all together and there was a moment of "I thought we had copies of that for everyone?" Of course they sang it anyway, or at least my Dad did, with everyone else attempting to remember the lyrics.

He still sings it wrong. I don't cringe as much as I used to, but I still hate it.

Eliza Hodgkins 1812 · 02-28-2005, 04:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wendybeth

Lol!!! Oh, I am so giving you all the Reader's Digest versions, too. If I told some of the really good stuff, you'd shun me for sure. I have a sis-in-law who just has to be the model for Amy Sedaris's (that is her name, right?) character in Strangers With Candy. It was her sister that got nailed by the serial killer.

Yup, that's the one. Amy Sedaris.

You're cracking me the frig up.

€uroMeinke · 02-28-2005, 07:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by wendybeth

€uro- that's hilarious! How did you do it?

I was putting away an electric forklift thing for recharging and somehow mixed up the polarities. There was a flash - and then darkness. I think I also fried the forklift, it was scrapped when we moved.

wendybeth · 03-01-2005, 01:28 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Eliza Hodgkins 1812

Yup, that's the one. Amy Sedaris.

You're cracking me the frig up.

Lol- now that I think about it, I have two sister-in-law's and an ex SIL that fit nicely into this category.

Okay, another one:

When I was thirteen, my six foot tall, somewhat troubled best friend stopped by my house one night. "Hey, they're gonna throw me in juvie- want to go to Alaska with me?" Being an accomodating sort, I said "Sure!" and off we went. The next day we were busted hitchhiking on the interstate to Seattle, just after we'd smoked a joint with a trucker. We wound up in jail in Ellensburg, Wa, where a kindly jailer gave us his sad little lunch of PB& J sandwiches and graham crackers. We tossed them in the hall, festooned the cell with toilet paper bows, and had a jolly time. Meanwhile, they'd called our parents, who stood at the end of this very long , narrow hall watching us mop up our mess before we could be released.

I was grounded a very long time for that one.

I probably shouldn't post this, but what the hell.

02-28-2005, 03:10 PM	#25
jdramj Trying to sleep Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 201	When I was about 10 years old, I thought I could drive my Mom's fire engine red Datsun z??? (her true baby and also a stick shift). I turned the key, released the brake, popped it into gear and it jumped forward and hit my Dad's tool chest. I quickly set the brake and got the key out of the ignition. I ran into the house and put the key back exactly as I had found it. I was an only child...amazingingly enough, I was never questioned or punished.
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02-28-2005, 04:41 PM	#27
Cadaverous Pallor ohhhh baby Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Parental Bliss Posts: 12,364	Once I was brushing my teeth with my younger brother. He must've been 4 or 5, which makes me 8 or 9. I was swishing water in my mouth when I suddenly felt this irrisistible urge. I spit the toothpastey water all over my brother's shirt. His shirt said "Born to Boogie" on it, I'll never forget it. He burst into tears. I was majorly busted, but I didn't feel contrite at all - it was worth it. You just never get to do that! --- One Hanukkah I brought home some song sheets from Hebrew school with some new songs. Our family always sings a bunch of songs during candlelighting. My dad was very pleased with the new additions and added them to the list. They were copied and stapled onto the old sheets. There were no music notes, just the lyrics. They are relatively well known Hanukkah songs that most Jews know. What I could never tell my Dad is that he sang one of the lines out of tune. Dad is a trained singer. He just hadn't heard the song in a long time. I knew the proper way to sing it since I'd sung it in school, of course. It drove me mad. I think it was after 2 Hanukkahs that I finally cracked. At some other time in the year, I dug out all the song sheets at my Grandmother's house. There must've been something like 40 copies. I tore off the offending songs from each set (I knew all the songs I'd brought home had to be erased in order for this to be clean) and dumped crumpled them into the trash. All of this while the adults were socializing in the other room. I was never questioned on the stuffed trashcan in my Grandmother's den. The punchline is that it didn't make much difference. I could never have pulled off this maneuver at home. We had our own set of sheets for our family. If they disappeared, one of us kids would have to be the culprit. So we continued to sing it at home. Add to that that we had stopped having large family Hanukkah parties, so I didn't have to endure it there anyway. I think there was one year where we got all together and there was a moment of "I thought we had copies of that for everyone?" Of course they sang it anyway, or at least my Dad did, with everyone else attempting to remember the lyrics. He still sings it wrong. I don't cringe as much as I used to, but I still hate it. __________________ The second star to the right shines in the night for you
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