Feeling goofy - post your favorite lame jokes here - Page 4

Bornieo: Fully Loaded · 04-21-2005, 10:02 PM

Joke #1: It was a normal day in Metropolis, Superman was out flying around, when suddenly the unexpected. He flys past an open window, and sees Wonder Woman inside on her bed, buck naked with her legs spread wide open.

Superman, being faster than a speeding bullet, thinks to himself "Ya know, I could zip in there, have my way with her and zip out before she realizes what happened."

Sure enough, in through the window, bam bam bam, zip on out through the window.

Wonder Woman sits up and says, "what the hell was that?"
The invisable man responds, "I dunno, but my ass sure is sore."

Joke #2: A gal keeps falling asleep in church, and her husband is real embarassed about it. So he goes to the priest and asks him what to do. The priest says, "Next week, while I'm talking to the congregation, if she starts to fall asleep poke her in the leg with a needle. I'll make sure she doesn't make herself look stupid."
So the next week she starts falling asleep in church, and simultaneously the priest is on stage. He said, "Who taught us to love our neighbor?"
He pokes her and she screamed, "JESUS CHRIST!"
The priest nodded and said, "You are right, Jesus taught us that. And who is it that delivered us to the promise land?"
His pokes her once again and she yelped, "GOD!"
"Correct again", said the priest. "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore her 99th child?"
He pokes her and finally she gets up and yells, "You stick that goddamed thing in me one more time I'll break it and shove it up your ass!"
"Amen", replied the congregation.

Kevy Baby · 04-21-2005, 10:34 PM

Why do elephants paint their toenails red?

To hide in cherry trees! Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree?

Of course not; it works!
______________________
Hickory Dickory Dock
Three Mice ran up a clock
The clock struck one
and the other two escaped with minor injuries.
_______________________
What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros?
Elephino.
_______________________
What's brown and sticky?

Spoiler:

Kevy Baby · 04-21-2005, 10:49 PM

What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb?

Spoiler:

Prudence · 04-21-2005, 10:57 PM

How do you get a unique rabbit?

Spoiler:

How do you catch a tame rabbit?

Spoiler:

Prudence · 04-21-2005, 11:05 PM

What is a criminal lawyer?

Spoiler:

What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a demon from hell?

Spoiler:

What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum?

Spoiler:

How many lawyer jokes are there?

Spoiler:

scaeagles · 04-22-2005, 06:04 AM

What do lawyers and sperm have in common?

Spoiler:

Motorboat Cruiser · 04-22-2005, 07:26 AM

Did you know that Abraham Lincoln was Jewish?

Spoiler:

Motorboat Cruiser · 04-22-2005, 07:28 AM

And just for Wendybeth

Why don't blondes make chocolate chip cookies?

Spoiler:

MerryPrankster · 04-22-2005, 07:54 AM

I found this one in my e-mail:

The neighborhood postman was retiring after 30 years. On his last day of delivering mail, all of the people on his route left him something in the mail box in honor of his retirement. Some left money, some left small gifts, and some met him at the door and invited him in for a drink.

As he was putting the mail in the mailbox of the last house, the door opened, and the woman of the house stood there in beautiful lingerie. She invited him inside and led him upstairs where she made mad passionate love to him. After their lovemaking she led him downstairs where she prepared an exquisite dinner for him. He found a dollar bill under his plate as he ate and asked her about it. She explained, "When I called my husband to ask him what we should give you for your retirement, he said, 'screw him, give him a dollar.' Dinner was my idea."

wendybeth · 04-22-2005, 08:02 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Motorboat Cruiser

And just for Wendybeth

Why don't blondes make chocolate chip cookies?

Spoiler:

Lol!

Usually, I just wash them.

04-21-2005, 10:02 PM	#31
Bornieo: Fully Loaded Lego Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Disneyland, USA Posts: 3,704	Joke #1: It was a normal day in Metropolis, Superman was out flying around, when suddenly the unexpected. He flys past an open window, and sees Wonder Woman inside on her bed, buck naked with her legs spread wide open. Superman, being faster than a speeding bullet, thinks to himself "Ya know, I could zip in there, have my way with her and zip out before she realizes what happened." Sure enough, in through the window, bam bam bam, zip on out through the window. Wonder Woman sits up and says, "what the hell was that?" The invisable man responds, "I dunno, but my ass sure is sore." Joke #2: A gal keeps falling asleep in church, and her husband is real embarassed about it. So he goes to the priest and asks him what to do. The priest says, "Next week, while I'm talking to the congregation, if she starts to fall asleep poke her in the leg with a needle. I'll make sure she doesn't make herself look stupid." So the next week she starts falling asleep in church, and simultaneously the priest is on stage. He said, "Who taught us to love our neighbor?" He pokes her and she screamed, "JESUS CHRIST!" The priest nodded and said, "You are right, Jesus taught us that. And who is it that delivered us to the promise land?" His pokes her once again and she yelped, "GOD!" "Correct again", said the priest. "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore her 99th child?" He pokes her and finally she gets up and yells, "You stick that goddamed thing in me one more time I'll break it and shove it up your ass!" "Amen", replied the congregation.
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04-21-2005, 10:34 PM	#32
Kevy Baby Chowder Head Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Yes Posts: 18,500	Why do elephants paint their toenails red? To hide in cherry trees! Have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? Of course not; it works! ______________________ Hickory Dickory Dock Three Mice ran up a clock The clock struck one and the other two escaped with minor injuries. _______________________ What do you get when you cross an elephant and a rhinoceros? Elephino. _______________________ What's brown and sticky? Spoiler: A stick! __________________ The thing about quotes on the internet is that you cannot verify their validity. - Abraham Lincoln
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04-21-2005, 10:49 PM	#33
Kevy Baby Chowder Head Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Yes Posts: 18,500	What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a lightbulb? Spoiler: You can unscrew a lightbulb __________________ The thing about quotes on the internet is that you cannot verify their validity. - Abraham Lincoln
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04-21-2005, 10:57 PM	#34
Prudence Beelzeboobs, Esq. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Gavel - I haz it Posts: 6,287	How do you get a unique rabbit? Spoiler: you 'neak up on it. How do you catch a tame rabbit? Spoiler: The tame way! __________________ traguna macoities tracorum satis de
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04-21-2005, 11:05 PM	#35
Prudence Beelzeboobs, Esq. Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Gavel - I haz it Posts: 6,287	What is a criminal lawyer? Spoiler: redundant. What do you get when you cross a lawyer and a demon from hell? Spoiler: No changes occur. What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of pond scum? Spoiler: The bucket. How many lawyer jokes are there? Spoiler: Just two. The rest are all true. __________________ traguna macoities tracorum satis de
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04-22-2005, 06:04 AM	#36
scaeagles I LIKE! Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 7,819	What do lawyers and sperm have in common? Spoiler: Each has about a one in a million shot of becoming human.
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04-22-2005, 07:26 AM	#37
Motorboat Cruiser Cruiser of Motorboats Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: So Cal Posts: 3,665	Did you know that Abraham Lincoln was Jewish? Spoiler: Yep, he was shot in the temple
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04-22-2005, 07:28 AM	#38
Motorboat Cruiser Cruiser of Motorboats Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: So Cal Posts: 3,665	And just for Wendybeth Why don't blondes make chocolate chip cookies? Spoiler: It's too hard to peel the M&M's
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04-22-2005, 07:54 AM	#39
MerryPrankster Swanky Panky! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Hell's Kitchen Posts: 541	I found this one in my e-mail: The neighborhood postman was retiring after 30 years. On his last day of delivering mail, all of the people on his route left him something in the mail box in honor of his retirement. Some left money, some left small gifts, and some met him at the door and invited him in for a drink. As he was putting the mail in the mailbox of the last house, the door opened, and the woman of the house stood there in beautiful lingerie. She invited him inside and led him upstairs where she made mad passionate love to him. After their lovemaking she led him downstairs where she prepared an exquisite dinner for him. He found a dollar bill under his plate as he ate and asked her about it. She explained, "When I called my husband to ask him what we should give you for your retirement, he said, 'screw him, give him a dollar.' Dinner was my idea." __________________ My advice to the women of America is to raise more hell and fewer dahlias. ~~ William Allen White Last edited by MerryPrankster : 04-22-2005 at 08:26 AM.
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