Dove Contest - Take 1 (Need Feedback ASAP!!) - Page 4

Gemini Cricket · 01-03-2008, 01:48 PM

It makes me want to take a shower... for once.

~MS~ · 01-03-2008, 01:56 PM

I think that it's going to kick butt and take names when you tweak it just the bits that have already been mentioned, can't wait to see the next version!

Disneyphile · 01-03-2008, 02:00 PM

I'm also tweaking the transitions a bit, per Kevy's suggestion. It's a real bitch adding dissolves when I have layers of different formats. :P (The required stock footage is imported .mov files which don't take kindly to transitions.) But, I figured it's worth a try.

Oh, and I'll try a bit of Paris-y music with the second take, although I am partial to MBC's ditty.

NirvanaMan · 01-03-2008, 03:54 PM

I really really liked the mirror reflection scene at the end. I thought it looked very cool. Sensual without being over the top.

You are incredible. I can't believe you pulled this together so quickly. Some constructive criticism before I put on my "I work in marketing hat":

Cut the scene of Jennie smiling at the product a bit. It was a bit awkward. Shorter length would help. I would cut from the beginning as opposed to the end.
I'm sure this comes later, but the shower scenes would benefit from sort of treatment that would match them to the more produced look and feel of the title card and dove supplied scenes. Needs a bit of "haziness" if you know what I mean.

Ok marketing stuff:

Hero shot is lost a bit to the seductive showering of Jen's face. The marketing folks may not like that. However, there is a great hero shot at the end, but again the product can be lost with everything else going on.
Is there any more product info you can include? The title cards look great but the oil/cream scene seems like it would benefit from a product info overly or a card following it. I don't know anything about the stuff but something like: 100% organic wizzywhats, or natural oil creams... if you get what I mean.

Honestly though, incredible first stab.

Disneyphile · 01-03-2008, 04:04 PM

Ok, here's Take 2.

I don't personally like the European music, but I'd love to hear if you all like it. I think the other one works better for the scene, but whatever.

Now, I'll start on Take 3, starting with NM's marketing notes.

(It's a good thing Ken just brought me some lunch during his lunch break...)

Ghoulish Delight · 01-03-2008, 04:07 PM

Hmm, is the mirror fog digital? Good idea, but too foggy, I almost didn't notice the mirror at all.

Disneyphile · 01-03-2008, 04:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

Hmm, is the mirror fog digital? Good idea, but too foggy, I almost didn't notice the mirror at all.

Nope, that was natural. I can make it foggy and use one of the earlier shots. That takes a lot of time though.

NirvanaMan · 01-03-2008, 04:13 PM

I agree with GD that the mirror is too foggy, but the effect is great. Just needs to be toned down a touch. (of course that is prolly cause we both like looking at naked chix in mirrors)

I can't say I like the new music as much, but I think it does fit the scene better. I think it needs to be taken down a couple notches and brought in a bit more slowly - elegantly. It's a bit sudden.

Looking good!

Morrigoon · 01-03-2008, 04:24 PM

I like how you tied it in better to their "A little luxury, everyday?" slogan, but overall I preferred your first take.

Disneyphile · 01-03-2008, 04:29 PM

Oh, and one other difference to note between the takes, just after the soap drop:

"throw away the ordinary and indulge." (Take 1)
"drop the ordinary and indulge." (Take 2)

Which do you think sounds better?

01-03-2008, 01:48 PM	#1
Gemini Cricket ... Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 13,244	It makes me want to take a shower... for once.
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01-03-2008, 01:56 PM	#2
~MS~ One Happy little Missy! Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 658	I think that it's going to kick butt and take names when you tweak it just the bits that have already been mentioned, can't wait to see the next version! __________________ "Sometimes Miracles Hide"
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01-03-2008, 02:00 PM	#3
Disneyphile SQUIRREL! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: On the curbside. Posts: 5,098	I'm also tweaking the transitions a bit, per Kevy's suggestion. It's a real bitch adding dissolves when I have layers of different formats. :P (The required stock footage is imported .mov files which don't take kindly to transitions.) But, I figured it's worth a try. Oh, and I'll try a bit of Paris-y music with the second take, although I am partial to MBC's ditty.
	Submit to Quotes

01-03-2008, 03:54 PM	#4
NirvanaMan Making Change Happen Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 990	I really really liked the mirror reflection scene at the end. I thought it looked very cool. Sensual without being over the top. You are incredible. I can't believe you pulled this together so quickly. Some constructive criticism before I put on my "I work in marketing hat": Cut the scene of Jennie smiling at the product a bit. It was a bit awkward. Shorter length would help. I would cut from the beginning as opposed to the end. I'm sure this comes later, but the shower scenes would benefit from sort of treatment that would match them to the more produced look and feel of the title card and dove supplied scenes. Needs a bit of "haziness" if you know what I mean. Ok marketing stuff: Hero shot is lost a bit to the seductive showering of Jen's face. The marketing folks may not like that. However, there is a great hero shot at the end, but again the product can be lost with everything else going on. Is there any more product info you can include? The title cards look great but the oil/cream scene seems like it would benefit from a product info overly or a card following it. I don't know anything about the stuff but something like: 100% organic wizzywhats, or natural oil creams... if you get what I mean. Honestly though, incredible first stab.
	Submit to Quotes

01-03-2008, 04:04 PM	#5
Disneyphile SQUIRREL! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: On the curbside. Posts: 5,098	Ok, here's Take 2. I don't personally like the European music, but I'd love to hear if you all like it. I think the other one works better for the scene, but whatever. Now, I'll start on Take 3, starting with NM's marketing notes. (It's a good thing Ken just brought me some lunch during his lunch break...)
	Submit to Quotes

01-03-2008, 04:07 PM	#6
Ghoulish Delight I Floop the Pig Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Alternative Swankstyle Posts: 19,348	Hmm, is the mirror fog digital? Good idea, but too foggy, I almost didn't notice the mirror at all. __________________ 'He who receives an idea from me, receives instruction himself without lessening mine; as he who lights his taper at mine, receives light without darkening me.' -TJ
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01-03-2008, 04:13 PM	#8
NirvanaMan Making Change Happen Join Date: Jan 2005 Posts: 990	I agree with GD that the mirror is too foggy, but the effect is great. Just needs to be toned down a touch. (of course that is prolly cause we both like looking at naked chix in mirrors) I can't say I like the new music as much, but I think it does fit the scene better. I think it needs to be taken down a couple notches and brought in a bit more slowly - elegantly. It's a bit sudden. Looking good!
	Submit to Quotes

01-03-2008, 04:24 PM	#9
Morrigoon I throw stones at houses Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: Location: Location Posts: 9,534	I like how you tied it in better to their "A little luxury, everyday?" slogan, but overall I preferred your first take. __________________ http://bash.org/?top "It is useless for sheep to pass a resolution in favor of vegetarianism while wolves remain of a different opinion." -- William Randolph Inge
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01-03-2008, 04:29 PM	#10
Disneyphile SQUIRREL! Join Date: Jan 2005 Location: On the curbside. Posts: 5,098	Oh, and one other difference to note between the takes, just after the soap drop: "throw away the ordinary and indulge." (Take 1) "drop the ordinary and indulge." (Take 2) Which do you think sounds better?
	Submit to Quotes