Cadaverous Pallor
07-08-2005, 10:57 AM
Here's another taste of me sketching out "the APer project". This would be an opening sequence. Originally it's imagined as a screenplay. This draft is me attempting to morph it into a novel instead - but it still reads like a screenplay, kinda. It's really hard for me to get away from the visual aspect.
Anyway, it is what it is, and I wanted to share it, even if it's in such a weird state. I want any and all criticism. This is definitely far, far away from finished product. Thanks again for reading!
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It’s morning in Southern California.
Early light reveals clogged freeways. Fast moving traffic meets with slow sections and hits the brakes. Cars of every style, side by side. Squinting commuters dig around for sunglasses. Some nurse travel mugs, caffeinating and listening to the news on the radio.
Out of a sea of nameless faces, in a collage of clothing and cars and morning radio choices, we pause to peruse a few cars in particular.
Here’s an early 90’s hatchback, unwashed. The windows are down – the airconditioning is broken. Inside we find a 20 year old in a button down shirt. His long, rakish hairstyle shows that this is definitely work wear. The latest garage band to hit the charts booms out of his stereo. He drums his fingers on the worn steering wheel in time with the music, pausing only to push hair out of his eyes.
Fly a few miles away – more cars and people than you can even register – and here’s a late-model sedan. A woman in her mid-thirties laughs at the morning show DJ’s jokes. Her look is professional – well fitting clothes in the latest style, hair pinned up attractively. Her manicured nails are wrapped around a Starbucks latte with lipstick on the rim. The car is perfectly tidy. She laughs again and eases off the brake as traffic moves.
Shift our attention to another space in time and we find a 55 year old gentleman behind the wheel of an older SUV. He’s wearing a basic polo and jeans, clean but slightly rumpled. There seems to be some large equipment in the back. He’s glancing at a map and back at the roadsigns, running his hands through his grayed hair. We leave him to figure out his destination…
Now we see a mid-twenties woman in mismatched clothes. Her older 4-door has seen better days. She keeps glancing at her watch and nervously staring at the traffic. The car seems as unorganized as she is, with books, a tissue box, random reciepts, and water bottles strewn about.
Miles away, we find a minivan with 2 squabbling kids in the back. They’re dressed for school – a cute pink dress for her, a logo t-shirt for him. Colorful backpacks sit beside them. Dad leans over from behind the wheel and tells them to quiet down. He turns back to face the traffic. Dad’s in his early 40s, suit and tie, presentable but not overly formal. He begins to merge over for his exit…
Seems it’s time for everyone to exit. The professional woman merges over, latte finished. The young man is at a stoplight, music still blasting. The older gentleman is hitting a small road into the mountains, driving carefully. The family man drops his kids off and heads for the office. Wait, is that the hurried young woman, still stuck in traffic?
As the kids walk into their classrooms, we can see that their backpacks feature the characters Belle and Stitch, respectively. Dad walks away from his parked car to enter the office and we notice that his tie features subtle circles that form the shape of Mickey Mouse’s head.
As the scruffy hatchback parks at a small office, we notice the licence plate frame says “I’d rather be at Disneyland.”
The professional woman shuts off her car and reaches for her purse, her empty Starbucks cup, and a book – a Walt Disney biography.
The older gentleman is at his remote destination in the hills and starts unloading film equipment from the back of the van. One of his cases is literally covered in Disney stickers from many different eras.
And finally, we see the frazzled young woman reach her job, park, grab her bag and dash out of the car. We stay with the parked vehicle, look up slightly…and see a Mickey antenna ball, still wiggling.
Anyway, it is what it is, and I wanted to share it, even if it's in such a weird state. I want any and all criticism. This is definitely far, far away from finished product. Thanks again for reading!
---------------
It’s morning in Southern California.
Early light reveals clogged freeways. Fast moving traffic meets with slow sections and hits the brakes. Cars of every style, side by side. Squinting commuters dig around for sunglasses. Some nurse travel mugs, caffeinating and listening to the news on the radio.
Out of a sea of nameless faces, in a collage of clothing and cars and morning radio choices, we pause to peruse a few cars in particular.
Here’s an early 90’s hatchback, unwashed. The windows are down – the airconditioning is broken. Inside we find a 20 year old in a button down shirt. His long, rakish hairstyle shows that this is definitely work wear. The latest garage band to hit the charts booms out of his stereo. He drums his fingers on the worn steering wheel in time with the music, pausing only to push hair out of his eyes.
Fly a few miles away – more cars and people than you can even register – and here’s a late-model sedan. A woman in her mid-thirties laughs at the morning show DJ’s jokes. Her look is professional – well fitting clothes in the latest style, hair pinned up attractively. Her manicured nails are wrapped around a Starbucks latte with lipstick on the rim. The car is perfectly tidy. She laughs again and eases off the brake as traffic moves.
Shift our attention to another space in time and we find a 55 year old gentleman behind the wheel of an older SUV. He’s wearing a basic polo and jeans, clean but slightly rumpled. There seems to be some large equipment in the back. He’s glancing at a map and back at the roadsigns, running his hands through his grayed hair. We leave him to figure out his destination…
Now we see a mid-twenties woman in mismatched clothes. Her older 4-door has seen better days. She keeps glancing at her watch and nervously staring at the traffic. The car seems as unorganized as she is, with books, a tissue box, random reciepts, and water bottles strewn about.
Miles away, we find a minivan with 2 squabbling kids in the back. They’re dressed for school – a cute pink dress for her, a logo t-shirt for him. Colorful backpacks sit beside them. Dad leans over from behind the wheel and tells them to quiet down. He turns back to face the traffic. Dad’s in his early 40s, suit and tie, presentable but not overly formal. He begins to merge over for his exit…
Seems it’s time for everyone to exit. The professional woman merges over, latte finished. The young man is at a stoplight, music still blasting. The older gentleman is hitting a small road into the mountains, driving carefully. The family man drops his kids off and heads for the office. Wait, is that the hurried young woman, still stuck in traffic?
As the kids walk into their classrooms, we can see that their backpacks feature the characters Belle and Stitch, respectively. Dad walks away from his parked car to enter the office and we notice that his tie features subtle circles that form the shape of Mickey Mouse’s head.
As the scruffy hatchback parks at a small office, we notice the licence plate frame says “I’d rather be at Disneyland.”
The professional woman shuts off her car and reaches for her purse, her empty Starbucks cup, and a book – a Walt Disney biography.
The older gentleman is at his remote destination in the hills and starts unloading film equipment from the back of the van. One of his cases is literally covered in Disney stickers from many different eras.
And finally, we see the frazzled young woman reach her job, park, grab her bag and dash out of the car. We stay with the parked vehicle, look up slightly…and see a Mickey antenna ball, still wiggling.