Smafaquax

[Gemini Cricket]

New Age music plays. A woman is alone on a park bench. She is black and white while the world around her is in color. She drops her ice cream cone onto her new shoes. She rubs her head.

Woman
"I’m not myself lately."

Announcer
"If you think you have Graskin’s Malaloma, you’re not alone."

Woman
"Everyone is fine except me."

Announcer
"Symptoms of Graskin’s Malaloma include: fatigue after an eight hour work day, hunger six hours after lunch and a droopy, lethargic feeling 11 o’clock at night."

Woman
"Why can’t I get better?"

Announcer
"Other symptoms include: occasional self-doubt, hiccups, sneezing false alarms and headaches after consuming ice cream too fast."

Woman
"I need help."

Announcer
"You need Smafaquax. Smafaquax is the twice a day pill you can take on the go. Call the toll free number on your screen to get your free sample today."

Woman takes her medication at her bathroom sink and suddenly she is in color, no more black and white. She runs through a field with a Standard Poodle waving a lacy scarf in the air.

Woman
"I feel better!"

Announcer
"Ask your doctor about Smafaquax."

Woman
"I’m me again."

Announcer
"Side effects include: insomnia, dizziness, drowsiness, stomach cramps, projectile diarrhea, vomiting, bloody tears, increased eyebrow hair growth, shortness of breath, Tourret Syndrome-style vocalizations, disorientation, reorientation, Orientalism, wheezing, coughing, dry throat, cotton mouth, dusty eyes, creaky joints, hair loss, inflammation of the neck, werewolfism, toenail thickening, tongue shrinkage, Restless Leg Syndrome, discoloration of armpit hair and death-like life stoppage. Let your doctor know if you are pregnant before taking Smafaquax. Smafaquax and prescription drugs like it can be habit forming. If you enjoy breathing, Smafaquax may not be for you."

Woman
"I’m me again!"

Announcer
"Smafaquax. You’re sick, dammit!"

[Cadaverous Pallor]

"You’re sick, dammit!"

So freakin' true. :snap:

[sleepyjeff]

I love it:)


:snap:

[Gemini Cricket]

The other day, I saw a commercial for a drug that supposedly helps you with 'Restless Leg Syndrome'. And I thought, that needs to be cured? Lots of people do that. That kind of stuff makes me laugh. So I had to poke fun at it all.
:D

[Motorboat Cruiser]

Funny stuff, GD. :)

Doctors must be so fed up with patients advising them on what medication that they should be taking.

[MickeyLumbo]

GC, i'm so glad to know that Smafaquax doesn't cause bloating or priapism. i hate when those happen at work!

:D

[Prudence]

Actually, restless leg syndrome is really annoying if you're the person attempting to share a bed with someone who has it. It also disrupts his sleep, as shown by the results of his numerous sleep studies.

[Snowflake]

The thing I find so amusing about the various medicants advertised on television is listening to the side effects. Even a drug for what seems to be the most innocuous disease, the side effects sound more horrible than the symptom they're trying to cure. Of course, I am sure this was GC's point. So I must be suffering from pointless posting syndrome. Huh, big surprise there.

Donna

[Ghoulish Delight]

My distaste is less with the existence of the drugs, because there are surely valid reasons for addressing extreme cases of even the most innocuous sounding things (e.g., as Prudence pointed out, it's one thing if you twitch your leg under your desk at work all day, it's another if it prevents you from sleeping). What I have a problem with is the direct-to-consumer marketing. The culture of self-diagnosis and "ask your doctor for a prescription" is out of control. The combination of advertising-driven demand, doctors who are too willing to cave to their patients' begging, doctors who just don't care and want the kickbacks, and doctors who genuinely want to help but have been suckered in themselves means that the more the consumer knows, the more the consumer will be unneccesarily over medicated.

[Gemini Cricket]

My distaste is less with the existence of the drugs...

I hear you. :)

Not only do I question the direct to consumer marketing as you said, but I also question the number of drugs out there. There seems to be a lot and, with some, they're telling you you need to take it everyday. Some of them you need to take for the rest of your life. To me, that's stressful and expensive. I worry that there are tons of people on drugs they don't need that has mega side-effects...

I was told I had genetic (not due to diet) high cholesterol by my doctor, so I took Baycol. Baycol trashed my liver. The doctor said I had the liver of a practicing alcoholic. So I got off of it. Then they told me that my cholesterol levels went back up. So they told me to take Zocor. I got on Zocor with the same side effects that trashed my liver. So now I'm off Zocor... It's wacky.

I have 2 prescriptions for my allergies and 2 for my asthma. That's expensive. And when I was out of work, I had to live without. That's rough. Then there's the situation where there are people with legit problems who can't afford getting on something.

Not to mention that I feel like I'm going to see a drug dealer instead of a doctor. I called my doctor a drug dealer to his face and he laughed. I sort of meant it to be funny... :D

On top of that, I picture rich people getting even richer off of people's fears. And that makes me annoyed.

What's more, I see a government telling you not to take illegal drugs because they're bad for you... But it's okay to take the ones with mega side-effects. It gives me a headache. (Do I need a prescription strength something to get rid of it?) :D

Then there's the conspiracy theory side of me that knows Rumsfeld used to work in the pharmaceutical business and... But I do that one just for fun. ;)

Sorry for the rant...

Pru has a point, but how many people out there think think they need this drug just because they shake their leg at their desk? I would say a lot...

[Ghoulish Delight]

Pru has a point, but how many people out there think think they need this drug just because they shake their leg at their desk? I would say a lot...I totally agere, and I think that would be greatly reduced if people weren't seeing ads for it and it was left up to doctors to make that decission instead of being put in the postition of having to deny things to patients that ask for it.

[mousepod]

What amazes me about the whole (prescribed) drug culture is the acceptance of potential side effects, both on the part of doctor and patient.

I have a fairly constant but not horribly annoying ringing in my ears (RAWK MUSIC! YEAH!). A few months ago, it became horribly annoying for some reason. Although I am perfectly willing to admit that the cause may have been purely psychological, I decided a trip to the GP couldn't hurt.

He gave me a pill to try, and after several long discussions about my sobriety, it was decided that it would be ok to try 1/2 of a single low-dosage pill before I went to sleep.

The next morning, I woke up (barely) and felt as if I had been rolled in a carpet and dumped off the back of a truck. I drove to work (don't ask) and made it to the cubicle in the jail where I spend my first couple of hours of work. After about 15 minutes of staring at the computer screen, I started to pass out. Luckily, I had the wherewithal to get up and tell a deputy to call a medic. I caught my breath and called Heather (who I upset) and my doctor (who wasn't in).

The medic showed up and took my blood pressure (all was ok) and finally my doctor called back. I explained my symptoms.

"Oh yeah... that's just the medicine. You might be groggy until around noon or so. Tonight, just try a quarter of a pill."

I drove home (don't ask -- really) and flushed the whole friggin bottle.

Sometimes the symptoms of the cure are a lot worse than the disease.

Sorry for such a serious post. Great satire, though.

[Gemini Cricket]

I remember something euromeinke posted about WDW's Mission Space awhile back. The subject was about the attraction being as extreme as people were saying. He said something like seeing the warning signs everywhere in the queue saying that the ride might make you sick actually started making him (and others) feel sick... That's the same thing happening to people watching these tv spots... Except that there's no fun ride...
:D

[Not Afraid]

Eh, the side effects listed are usually rare or come after taking the medication for a while. I recently was taken off a medication after taking it for 4 years because the build up of the drug was starting to cause some side effects. I am one who takes complete responsability for my medical care and went to the Dr. fully armed with information about side effects and what I was experiencing but he was the decision maker - he's the Doctor and the expert.

I think the drug companies' need to CYA is only part of it. I think patients need to know the possible side effects of what they are taking. Patients should take more responsability for monotoring their bodies and what the drugs may be causing. But, most of these drugs, the side effects are rare.

When I took Tamoxifen post cancer, I had SEVERE side effects which were VERY rare for that particular drug. But, I knew enough to call the Dr. right away. This stuff happens. It is better to have the medications that will help most people but keep all informed of what to watch out for.

[Prudence]

I think they just result in a different manifestation of an existing patient type: the hypochondriac. There have always been people who were convinced that they had contracted every weird disease that they ever heard about on the news, read in the paper, or heard about from Mrs. Johnson's nephew's neighbor, who just came back from the wilds of some place very wild.

Most people I know don't like taking meds - expensive, inconvenient, and occasionally obnoxious.

I do, however, enjoy erectile dysfunction commercials.

[tracilicious]

I find it highly unethical to market drugs on tv. Then again, I have yet to find evidence of any sort of ethics when it comes to pharmaceutical companies. I love that story Mousepod. So classic.

[Kevy Baby]

Now, if they could invent as pill to cure stupidity!

[Gemini Cricket]

I saw this cartoon (http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/uclickcomics/20060126/cx_bo_uc/bo20060126) today and thought it was very funny.
:)

[Mr. Fusion]

I saw this cartoon (http://news.yahoo.com/news?tmpl=story&u=/uclickcomics/20060126/cx_bo_uc/bo20060126) today and thought it was very funny.
:) That reminds me of this one fake pharmaceutical site I saw:

Panexa. Ask your doctor for a reason to take it. (http://www.panexa.com/)

[SacTown Chronic]

I do, however, enjoy erectile dysfunction commercials.
It's all fun and games until you're watching football with your twelve year old daughter and an ED commercial comes on.


I think our policy of giving the kids the straight dope when they ask questions might have traumatized the poor girl in this instance. Oh well, that's what she gets for talking when football is on.

[Prudence]

Every time I see this thread my brain reads "Aflac."

[Gemini Cricket]

Every time I see this thread my brain reads "Aflac."
You've been brainwashed.
:D

[Ghoulish Delight]

You've been brainwashed.
:D
There's a pill for that.

[Not Afraid]

Ask your Doctor about Encephalsoap!