Smafaquax

[Gemini Cricket]

New Age music plays. A woman is alone on a park bench. She is black and white while the world around her is in color. She drops her ice cream cone onto her new shoes. She rubs her head.

Woman
"I’m not myself lately."

Announcer
"If you think you have Graskin’s Malaloma, you’re not alone."

Woman
"Everyone is fine except me."

Announcer
"Symptoms of Graskin’s Malaloma include: fatigue after an eight hour work day, hunger six hours after lunch and a droopy, lethargic feeling 11 o’clock at night."

Woman
"Why can’t I get better?"

Announcer
"Other symptoms include: occasional self-doubt, hiccups, sneezing false alarms and headaches after consuming ice cream too fast."

Woman
"I need help."

Announcer
"You need Smafaquax. Smafaquax is the twice a day pill you can take on the go. Call the toll free number on your screen to get your free sample today."

Woman takes her medication at her bathroom sink and suddenly she is in color, no more black and white. She runs through a field with a Standard Poodle waving a lacy scarf in the air.

Woman
"I feel better!"

Announcer
"Ask your doctor about Smafaquax."

Woman
"I’m me again."

Announcer
"Side effects include: insomnia, dizziness, drowsiness, stomach cramps, projectile diarrhea, vomiting, bloody tears, increased eyebrow hair growth, shortness of breath, Tourret Syndrome-style vocalizations, disorientation, reorientation, Orientalism, wheezing, coughing, dry throat, cotton mouth, dusty eyes, creaky joints, hair loss, inflammation of the neck, werewolfism, toenail thickening, tongue shrinkage, Restless Leg Syndrome, discoloration of armpit hair and death-like life stoppage. Let your doctor know if you are pregnant before taking Smafaquax. Smafaquax and prescription drugs like it can be habit forming. If you enjoy breathing, Smafaquax may not be for you."

Woman
"I’m me again!"

Announcer
"Smafaquax. You’re sick, dammit!"

[Cadaverous Pallor]

"You’re sick, dammit!"

So freakin' true.

[sleepyjeff]

I love it

[Gemini Cricket]

The other day, I saw a commercial for a drug that supposedly helps you with 'Restless Leg Syndrome'. And I thought, that needs to be cured? Lots of people do that. That kind of stuff makes me laugh. So I had to poke fun at it all.

[Motorboat Cruiser]

Funny stuff, GD.

Doctors must be so fed up with patients advising them on what medication that they should be taking.

[MickeyLumbo]

GC, i'm so glad to know that Smafaquax doesn't cause bloating or priapism. i hate when those happen at work!

[Prudence]

Actually, restless leg syndrome is really annoying if you're the person attempting to share a bed with someone who has it. It also disrupts his sleep, as shown by the results of his numerous sleep studies.

[Snowflake]

The thing I find so amusing about the various medicants advertised on television is listening to the side effects. Even a drug for what seems to be the most innocuous disease, the side effects sound more horrible than the symptom they're trying to cure. Of course, I am sure this was GC's point. So I must be suffering from pointless posting syndrome. Huh, big surprise there.

Donna

[Ghoulish Delight]

My distaste is less with the existence of the drugs, because there are surely valid reasons for addressing extreme cases of even the most innocuous sounding things (e.g., as Prudence pointed out, it's one thing if you twitch your leg under your desk at work all day, it's another if it prevents you from sleeping). What I have a problem with is the direct-to-consumer marketing. The culture of self-diagnosis and "ask your doctor for a prescription" is out of control. The combination of advertising-driven demand, doctors who are too willing to cave to their patients' begging, doctors who just don't care and want the kickbacks, and doctors who genuinely want to help but have been suckered in themselves means that the more the consumer knows, the more the consumer will be unneccesarily over medicated.

[Gemini Cricket]

Originally Posted by Ghoulish Delight

My distaste is less with the existence of the drugs...

I hear you.

Not only do I question the direct to consumer marketing as you said, but I also question the number of drugs out there. There seems to be a lot and, with some, they're telling you you need to take it everyday. Some of them you need to take for the rest of your life. To me, that's stressful and expensive. I worry that there are tons of people on drugs they don't need that has mega side-effects...

I was told I had genetic (not due to diet) high cholesterol by my doctor, so I took Baycol. Baycol trashed my liver. The doctor said I had the liver of a practicing alcoholic. So I got off of it. Then they told me that my cholesterol levels went back up. So they told me to take Zocor. I got on Zocor with the same side effects that trashed my liver. So now I'm off Zocor... It's wacky.

I have 2 prescriptions for my allergies and 2 for my asthma. That's expensive. And when I was out of work, I had to live without. That's rough. Then there's the situation where there are people with legit problems who can't afford getting on something.

Not to mention that I feel like I'm going to see a drug dealer instead of a doctor. I called my doctor a drug dealer to his face and he laughed. I sort of meant it to be funny...

On top of that, I picture rich people getting even richer off of people's fears. And that makes me annoyed.

What's more, I see a government telling you not to take illegal drugs because they're bad for you... But it's okay to take the ones with mega side-effects. It gives me a headache. (Do I need a prescription strength something to get rid of it?)

Then there's the conspiracy theory side of me that knows Rumsfeld used to work in the pharmaceutical business and... But I do that one just for fun.

Sorry for the rant...

Pru has a point, but how many people out there think think they need this drug just because they shake their leg at their desk? I would say a lot...