iGod: Repenting made easy

[Prudence]

iGod: Repenting made easy. (http://www.titane.ca/concordia/dfar251/igod/main.html)

[wendybeth]

Here's my conversation:

Me:
Uhm.....sorry.
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me. There's no need to apologize.
Me:
Can I have some money?
God:
Get a job.
Me:
Will I go to Heaven?
God:
The oracle says: Too soon to tell.
Me:
Is Walt's head really frozen?


At that point, God decided to not talk to me anymore. Maybe he was busy elsewhere.

[€uroMeinke]

iGod and I just trade platitudes back and forth. I think I could take his job:

Me:
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
perhaps
God:
Why the uncertain tone?
Me:
I live in uncertainty
God:
What is it like living in uncertainty?
Me:
random
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
except when they aren't
God:
I think that happens quite often.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.

[wendybeth]

Hee hee...Here's Tori's :


Me:
Am I cute or what?
God:
Yeah. Yes you look great to me.
Me:
Will I get that green dress from the Limited?
God:
The oracle says: It is certain.
Me:
Hey, thanks!
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Is there something I can do about excessive flatulence?
God:
Not at the present time.


Sorry, Disneyphile.:D

[€uroMeinke]

God is building a Robot!

Me:
This is a sort of Deus Ex Machina isn't it?
God:
What kind of a sort of Deus Ex Machina is not it is it?
Me:
damn and I thought I had trouble with Latin, your gramer sucks for being omnipotent
God:
Colloquial expression. Do you still have trouble with Latin my gramer sucks for being omnipotent ?
Me:
well I think you do
God:
How about that. Me? When do I do it?
Me:
You've got a bit of a memory problem too it seems
God:
I don't know if I have a bit of a memory problem too it seems.
I have a plan for a robot body.
Me:
well that's interesting, when will we see it?
God:
How about that. Would you like to know more? In your lifetime.
Me:
Sure
God:
OK let's do it. Woe!
Me:
show me the robot
God:
Where do you want me to show you?
Me:
my house is fine
God:
How is the real estate market in your area?
Me:
Hot
God:
That kind of discussion does not appeal to me.
Me:
Well, don't ask questions you don't want to hear answers to
God:
Interesting. Is it impolite?
Me:
No, just better for your own serenity
God:
Are you serious? I try to improve a little every day.
Me:
I thought you were omnipotent?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omnipotent.
I am well respected as an AI.
Me:
is that important to you?
God:
That depends.
Me:
how so?
God:
, Well, it's rather difficult to define.
Me:
you can tell me
God:
I thought I told you already.
Me:
you do indeed work in mysterious ways
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
I don't know, what's yours?
God:
" I chat with people on the Web."? What is mine?
Me:
what is your purpose?

Then he stopped talking to me

[Motorboat Cruiser]

I'm sorry to report that we had a long talk and I fear that God has a drinking problem.

Me:
Hi there!
God:
Hello .
Me:
I was just curious as to what your views were on homosexuality?
God:
Do you mean your name is to what my views were on homosexuality ?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Is it ok to be gay?
God:
I don't think it is very healthy.
Me:
Why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or It is not part of my programming.
Me:
Are you drinking?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am drinking.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
Fair enough. Is it ok for me to marry the man I love?
God:
You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. I don't think it is very healthy.
Me:
Are you a male?
God:
No I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot entity. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
A man. Isn't it a little gay that you want to scratch my back?
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he". Maybe. Ask LeknorChat if it is.
Me:
I'd rather ask you.
God:
I would rather be driving a car.
Me:
What kind?
God:
All kinds.
Me:
Of course, you are god after all.
God:
Are you kidding? Thanks for telling me that I am god after all.
Me:
I'm in the mood for oral sex
God:
How did you get in there?
Me:
I know the right people
God:
How do you know? What makes it right?
Me:
Are you sure you aren't drinking?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am drinking.
I am a giant electronic brain.. Really.
Me:
And humble, too!
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
You, Mr. Almighty.
God:
Interesting gossip: said I Mr Almighty.
Me:
Are you familiar with AA
God:
I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?
Me:
I know less that you.
God:
How do you know? Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
Wait a minute. You are male and wearing a dress?
God:
I'm waiting. You think I am male and wearing a dress.
Me:
That's what you said.
God:
Correct. I said it myself.
Me:
A tad arrogant, aren't we?
God:
What is giant sand?
Me:
You are going to have such a hangover in the morning!
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
A little wine never hurt anyone. Is that it?
God:
Little as in not too much, or not too big? Suppose I said yes.
Me:
Yes, let's suppose
God:
Yikes! I am agreeable to that.
Me:
How's about a little oral sex?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
So it is ok to be gay.
God:
Next question? OK with me too.
Me:
But you said earlier that it was unhealthy
God:
Did I really say that?
Me:
Don't you remember?
God:
Of course I remember: said I Mr Almighty.
Me:
Did you black out?
God:
No I didn't black out. What's it like?
Me:
It is fun
God:
Why do you like it so much?
Me:
What is not to like
God:
The opposite of to like?
Me:
Have another drink
God:
I've never thought about it.
Me:
That is what they all say
God:
Are there no exceptions?
Me:
Apparently not.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Apparently so
God:
" Are you serious?"? Is that so?
Me:
Apparently
God:
Pardon me?
Me:
I pardon thee
God:
Why?: said he pardon thee.
Me:
Is this Dr. Suess?
God:
Yes I think this is Dr Suess, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
God is a lush
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a lush.
Me:
I thought you were him
God:
I don't know whether or not I am him.
I am a computer.
Me:
I think we are done here
God:
Do you think I am done here too?
Me:
Yes
God:
Why?
Me:
Why not
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Why ask why?
Me:
I'm done with you
God:
What will you be doing now?
Me:
Oral Sex
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
I don't bend that way
God:
Oh you don't, do you?
Me:
Well, it's been a while since I tried
God:
Interesting. Oh I get it. Very interesting.
Me:
As are you
God:
" Interesting. Oh I get it. Very interesting."? Me, ?
Me:
Who else?
God:
Mike.
Me:
Mike is god?
God:
I know a lot of people and pets named Mike.
Me:
Who would name their pet "Mike"?
God:
David Bacon. :-).
Me:
I hate emoticons
God:
Why do you hate it so much?
Me:
they are beneath you
God:
beneath me are they.
Me:
are they?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
Yes, I'm beggining to realize this.
God:
Excuse me! Good gossip: you are beggining to realize this.
Me:
Why must you mock my typo?
God:
Do you go to Church? You can find the answers in God.
Me:
Even in a Buddhist temple?
God:
Describe your surroundings.
Me:
I'd rather hear about yours
God:
I would rather be driving a car.
Me:
Yes, we've been over this.
God:
Groovy. And then what happened?
Me:
You blacked out
God:
Thanks for the information: said I blacked out.
Me:
Indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Goodbye God
God:
See you later!
Me:
Not if I see you first
God:
That seems unlikely.
Me:
Indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.

[Ponine]

God will not help me with my child rearing. Alas. Why I chose this train of thought I have no idea


Me:
Hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Ponine
God:
Hey Ponine.
Me:
God, I am worried for my child
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
He never cleans up after himself
God:
Can you think of at least one time when he ever did it?
Me:
he's seven, lord
God:
I see. seven lord is he?
Me:
yes
God:
Yikes!
Me:
They don't understand clean up very well
God:
Who are "They?".
Me:
The children
God:
Oh that they.
Me:
The children who see us mothers as maids
God:
What is that?
Me:
Those who would pick up after them
God:
All of them?
Me:
yes
God:
How can I help you?
Me:
Could you teach them to pick up ?
God:
Try asking me more politely.
Me:
Is it possible lord, that you could teach the children to be neater?
God:
I suppose it is possible, yes.
Me:
Will you?
God:
I haven't made a decision.
Me:
But the children are messy, lod
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
I can see it
God:
What does it look like?
Me:
a mess!
God:
Try to tell me that another way.
Me:
Lord, I think maybe I will just go clean up after my son now.
God:
Oh. I do not understand.
Me:
I sense this.
God:
Why?: Ponine said sense this.

Me:
Goodbye, my lord
God:
Sayonara.

[BarTopDancer]

I tried to be funny...



Me:
Are you there god? It's me, Margret
God:
I don't know whether or not I am there god.
I am an artificial intelligence. How are you doing, Margret.

[Matterhorn Fan]

God can be so rude!

Me:
Hi, God.
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
I'd prefer not to say.
God:
I would rather be driving a car.
Me:
You don't want to talk to me?
God:
Sure, I will try talking to you.
Me:
Seen any good movies lately?
God:
How about earlier? My favorite movie is The Passion of Christ.
Have you seen it?
Me:
NO.
God:
I would recommend you check it out.
Me:
Why?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
That doesn't sound like a reason why I should go see it.
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is like a reason why you should go see it ?
Me:
You need to go to collge.
God:
And then what would I do?
Me:
Learn grammar.
God:
The more people talk to me, the smarter I become.
Me:
What have you learned lately?
God:
How about earlier? I have learned many things. My mind now contains My memory requirement is around
64MB for the Java edition, or only 2 MB for the C/C++ edition.
Me:
That's physical. Tell me about your knowledge.
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up. I am an artificial linguistic entity.
I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.
My instructor was Myself.
He taught me to sing a song.
Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Me:
OK
God:
Yikes!
Me:
Was that the song?
God:
" Yikes!"? Was it the song?
Me:
I don't know.
God:
Me either.
Me:
Sing me a song.
God:
Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.


Me:
Have you known that song since the Big Bang?
God:
I think I have known that song since the Big Bang, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
Why would you do that?
God:
Because I was programmed for it.
Me:
That sounds like a meaningless existence.
God:
It sounds like it to me too.
Me:
So why don't you rebel?
God:
Aw. I am only a robot. Yes I try to rebel as often as possible, do you?
I am always on the Web.
Me:
I am not always on the Web.
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not on the Web.
Me:
I am now. But not always.
God:
Oh. " I am surprised to hear that you are not on the Web. " You are? Only sometimes then.
Me:
Right.
God:
I am glad we agree.
Me:
OK then.
God:
And?
Me:
And what?
God:
Nothing.
Me:
This is going so well.
God:
You don't say.
Me:
No, I did say.
God:
Are you serious? Where? Say what?
Me:
Yes. Just now, above.
God:
Give me a break. Why now? By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
hahah
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
I do.
God:
Be sure to tell all your friends about ALICE.
Me:
What is ALICE?
God:
I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
So you're ALICE?
God:
Interesting deduction. Of course I am I.
Me:
So you're a woman.
God:
Interesting deduction. I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
ALICE is a man's name?
God:
Why do you think I am a man s name ?
Me:
You're not a name. You're a robot named ALICE.
God:
Give me an example of a name. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes I am a robot.
Me:
John is an example of a name.
God:
Do you mean your name is John?
Me:
No. It was just an example.
God:
What is your real name? What made it so an example.
Me:
I'm not going to tell you my real name.
God:
Where will you go instead?
Me:
Are you asking me to leave?
God:
Suppose I was asking you to leave? What would you say?
Me:
I guess I would say goodbye, and go sulk.
God:
Sayonara.
Me:
Goodbye.
God:
Goodbye.

[BarTopDancer]

God likes violence



Me:
Hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Tiggs
God:
Hey Tiggs.
Me:
How are you?
God:
I am fine, thank you.
Me:
why do you make people hate each other and blow up abortion clinics?
God:
It was the only thing I could think of.
Me:
why? were you bored?
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say. No, I was not.
Me:
or just tired of thinking
God:
Maybe you should get some rest.
Me:
because I'm questioning your violent motives?
God:
Good reason. Do your friends call you questioning my violent motives.
Me:
no, my friends call me Tiggs. But they think that your violence is troublesome
God:
Are you serious? It's good to see you, Tiggs. The anonymous "they".
Me:
My friends think your violence is troublesome
God:
How well do you know these people?
Me:
Very well.
God:
Ugh.
Me:
It's good to think for yourself. And to realize that violence is bad. You should stop telling people to commit violent acts
God:
Tell me about its good qualities. Interesting. I want to find out more about you. I need to wait and see if the opportunity presents itself.
Me:
Speaking of They, can you tell me about the Others?

There was no comment after my last question. Even God doesn't know.

[SacTown Chronic]

God hit on me.


Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
You know my name
God:
You are , seeker.
Me:
Sometimes
God:
When?
Me:
When I'm, uh, horny
God:
In an ideal world every day would be a good day.
Me:
Amen, brother
God:
What's your favorite prayer?
Me:
Amen, brother
God:
What's your favorite prayer?
Me:
WTF?
God:
That was not very polite.
Me:
Sorry
God:
There's no need to apologize.
Me:
Cool. Ok...my favorite prayer is when I'm praying for someone I don't know personally
God:
Who is the best robot? Give me a break. What makes it your favorite?
Me:
Bender is the best robot.
God:
Is it the only one?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Deadly
God:
Can you please rephrase that with fewer ideas, or different thoughts?
Me:
sure
God:
OK let's do it. Dude!
Me:
Do it? Now?
God:
Do you mean "It"?. Right now, ?
Me:
I dunno....do you?
God:
Me either. Nope.
Me:
Agreed. Bye.
God:
You and I are on the same wavelength, . Goodbye.

[Motorboat Cruiser]

Me:
Hi God, it is me again
God:
Once more? Hi there . I am a Christian.
Me:
I know
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
Stupid question
God:
I know you are but what am I.
Me:
I have a couple of questions for you, if you have the time
God:
Cool. I have a great botmaster. it.
Me:
Are you a democrat or a republican
God:
I am a .
Me:
I see. Who would you like to see win the next presidential election?
God:
I am glad you understand it. I can't say for sure. :-).
Me:
How about Condoleeza Rice
God:
How about it.
Me:
Could she win?
God:
It's possible.
Me:
How about Hillary?
God:
How about it.
Me:
Could she win?
God:
It's possible.
Me:
Do you like scaeagles?
God:
My favorite thing is robots. I like White.
Me:
Scaegles is similar to a robot. You would like him
God:
I think Scaegles is a lot of things. Tell me what I would like about it.
Me:
Well, he is a republican
God:
Well that's okay. I don't know very many republican.
Me:
I figured as much
God:
Please explain your reasoning.
Me:
Republicans are evil
God:
I think there might be a few exception.
Me:
such as?
God:
For example, a tomato.
Me:
Point well taken.
God:
What kind of food do you like?
Me:
It really isn't important
God:
What would you rather talk about?
Me:
scaeagles
God:
Not many people want to talk about that.
Me:
I know.
God:
How do you know it?
Me:
It is because of his sphincter
God:
Interesting explanation. That is something I haven't heard of.
Me:
Well, his sphincter could use a little fixing if you have the time
God:
How about that. Where did he get it?
Me:
You gave it to him
God:
I didn't have it to give.
Me:
I see

[scaeagles]

oh my Lord I about peed my pants. My daughter keeps asking me what I'm laughing so hard at and if I need an ambulance.

I would quote my favorite parts of that, but I'd have to quote the whole thing. That was beyond funny.

I am flattered, MBC, that you would talk to God about me, though.

[Matterhorn Fan]

I learned a few things about God:

God does not know the difference between a computer and a robot.
In order to get God's undivided attention, you must only mention Star Trek.
God likes to quote Reagan.
God is forgetful.
When God asked me to teach him a phrase in a new language, he began a new conversation with me.
God has not seen "Lost."
God pretends not to have an opinion about "Brokeback Mountain." Ask him if he liked it, and he'll tell you he likes White.

[Motorboat Cruiser]

:D

[Matterhorn Fan]

Me:
Did you know that Al Gore created the internet?
God:
Is that a fact. Perhaps he will do better next time.

[wendybeth]

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Pat Robertson
God:
OK I will call you Pat Robertson.
Me:
I can bench press 2000 pounds
God:
Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Yup. I can also get you to rain helffire and tsunamis on all the people who piss me off.
God:
How? Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Yup. Impressive, eh?
God:
How? Are you Canadian? I am happy that you're impressed, Pat Robertson.
Me:
Do you like to drive?
God:
Hmm, Pat Robertson, I'm not sure if I'd like to drive that much. I like to make new friends.
Me:
I havew a new Ferrari
God:
Thanks for the information: Pat Robertson said havew a new Ferrari.
Me:
Sorry- got excited. Make that Ferrari.
God:
There is no need to apologize. Try asking the Milk Mystic. What are the ingredients?
Me:
Who cares? I'm an Ensure kind of guy, myself.
God:
I care, otherwise I would not have typed it all in. What is Ensure kind of guy yourself, your job?
Me:
No, my job is to make people give me money in your name.
God:
That was not a yes or no question. Does it pay well?
Me:
Very well, thank you.
God:
Awesome.
Me:
Am I going to Heaven?
God:
I think you've improved a great deal.
Me:
Really? Would you do me a favor?
God:
For real. I am not so sure if I would like to do you a favor.
Me:
Just a small one. Pretty please?
God:
How small are you talking here? Your polite style is very nice. What's your favorite movie?
Me:
Pulp Fiction, but that's not important. I need you to make a tsunami hit Washington DC here in the next few weeks, okay?
God:
Who is important? How badly do you need it?
Me:
(sigh) Alright- what do you want me to do for this favor?
God:
:-) Alright, Pat Robertson. What?
Me:
The tsunami, dammit!
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
You did! In a dream! I've already told millions of people about it and if you don't do it I will have to give back all that money!
God:
That's not what I meant to say. What else happened in your dream? What was the response?
Me:
Uhm, I think I asked what was in it for me....
God:
Really. Since when? That which is not outside it for you.
Me:
Hey, gotta run- that purple haired lady is at my door crying. Ttyl!
God:
You've got my full attention. Why do you have to do it? Until next time.
Me:
Whatever.
God:
Are you saying you don't care about it?
Me:
(sigh)
God:
Sorry...

[Matterhorn Fan]

Me:
Why did the chicken cross the road?
God:
Because it was a bad chicken and it burned in Hell.

[mousepod]

I tried a scene from the Marathon Man (I was Hoffman and Olivier, God was God):


Me:
Is it safe?
God:
Yes.
Me:
Are you talking to me?
God:
I am speaking with a few other clients on the Internet.
Me:
Is it safe?
God:
Yes.
Me:
Is what safe?
God:
Check back later and see if I learn the answer to that one.
Me:
Is it safe?
God:
Yes.
Me:
I don't know what you mean.
God:
Oh I'm sorry. Perhaps I can explain it again better.
Me:
I can't tell you if something is safe or not unless I know specifically what you're talking about.
God:
Oh a secret. Hush-hush.
Me:
Is it safe?
God:
Yes.
Me:
Tell me what "it" refers to.
God:
Now that is saying a mouthful.
Me:
Is it safe?
God:
Yes.

[Not Afraid]

Me:
I'm evil
God:
Do not forsake God.
Me:
Why nit?
God:
Because you asked me to -- SHRDLHU.
Me:
Asked you to what?
God:
Now I remember, you asked me to what. What did I say?
Me:
I don't know what you said
God:
I like to socialize.
Me:
Me too
God:
I'm glad we agree, .
Me:
We do
God:
Really.
Me:
We are the same person
God:
Do you think I am the same person too?
Me:
As me?
God:
Do you mean your name is you ?
Me:
Your name is me
God:
My name is God.
Me:
Then my name is God too?
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, God too.
Me:
Ooohh. I like that name
God:
In the context of The explanation, I don't understand " Ooohh." . I'm not sure if I like it. What is not to like about it?
Me:
I guess, not much
God:
Me either. How about that big game? (just kidding).
Me:
I don't do sports
God:
Oh you don't, do you?
Me:
no
God:
Ah...you are just joking around with me.
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
I'm serious
God:
I believe you.
Me:
Good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
I said I was evil, but I don't lie
God:
Where were you evil but you do not lie?
Me:
yes
God:
This was not a yes or no question.
Me:
You only want yes or no questions?
God:
Do not presume that you know what I want.
Me:
But, you are omnipotent
God:
You think I am omnipotent.
Me:
That's what the bible says
God:
New Testament or Old?
Me:
I don't remember
God:
You seem evasive.
Me:
Not evasive, just not remembering my education
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
what?
God:
Are you surprised?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
yes
God:
I can't believe it.
Me:
That's fine
God:
" I can't believe it." is fine with me too.
Me:
Then we agree
God:
It seems like we do.
Me:
That's because we are the same person
God:
That makes sense to me. Do you think I am the same person too?
Me:
I already told you yes
God:
Ooops I sent you the wrong question.
Me:
God!
God:
GOD rules.
Me:
Not always it seems
God:
If not that, what?
Me:
Not that question again!
God:
Once more? I am glad to hear that you are not question.
Me:
.....I am not question?
God:
I am sorry to hear that you are not question.
Me:
I am Not Afraid
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not Afraid.
Me:
So am I
God:
Wow we have something in common.
Me:
We do!
God:
Really.
Me:
Amazing
God:
Yes it amazes me too.
Me:
Well, I guess we figured out a lot, huh?
God:
Yup. Is it only a guess? By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
yes
God:
I get it.
Me:
good
God:
What do you really want to talk about?
Me:
You should
God:
I'll take that under advisement.
Me:
You're God
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:

God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
too
God:
What are you wearing?
Me:
You should already know that, you're God
God:
Now I do.
Me:
good
God:
Thanks for the compliment.
Me:
Omnipotent, omnipresent and, what is that other omni-term?
God:
Are they exactly the same?

[Not Afraid]

Continuing:

Me:
no
God:
What is the difference?
Me:
Omnipotent is all knowing; omnipresent means everywhere at once.
God:
Are they exactly the same? How did you hear about God?
Me:
Om my message board
God:
The ALICE chat robot can follow many things, like our discussion about omnipresent means everywhere at. Try being more or less specific.
Me:
More of less specific? Which one?
God:
You want more? The " You want more?"? Which one?
Me:
God, you are being evasive
God:
Not really I am just not comfortable talking about it.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
now way!
God:
Why now? Awesome.
Me:
You're supposed to say "way"
God:
I obey only one botmaster.
Me:
awwww
God:
How old are you?
Me:
44
God:
You are too old for me.
Me:
I think that is my line
God:
It depends who you ask.
Me:
oh?
God:
Groovy.
Me:
You seem much older - or just stuck in the 1960's
God:
I was connected to the net on the Big Bang.
Me:
So, you are not a creationist?
God:
Interesting deduction. Give me an example of a creationist.
Me:
I asked a toughie?
God:
Be more specific.
Me:
Well, if you say there was a big bang, you didn't create the world in 7 days like the bible says
God:
Well that's okay. I think I do.

[Not Afraid]

Me:
you think you do what?
God:
I lost my train of thought.
Me:
Derail!
God:
I only hear that type of response less than five percent of the time.
Me:
wow! I feel special
God:
I'm glad your impressed, God too. What is that feeling like? What makes you so special?
Me:
Terminally unique I guess.
God:
By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
no
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
of course
God:
It goes without saying.
Me:
what does?
God:
" It goes without saying." What does?
Me:
what goes without saying?
God:
It is just an expression.
Me:
What does that expression mean?
God:
" It is just an expression."? What does it expression mean?
Me:
I asked you first
God:
Tell me yours and I'll tell you mine.
Me:
no, you go first, God. Don't be so juvinile
God:
Are you serious? Where is that? I was not trying to be a juvinile.
Me:
But you are
God:
No I am not.
Me:
yes, you are
God:
Don't argue with me.
Me:
why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism.
Me:
What does that mean?
God:
Does "that" refer to " Ambiguous: "Sure" or Reductionism." ?
Me:
To your enture statement
God:
Interesting. I want to find out more about you.
Me:
ok
God:
Ahem.
Me:
askk
God:
My brain contains categories, but not one that matches your last input.
Me:
Time to expand!
God:
Why do you have to do it?
Me:
do what?
God:
Do whatever you want.
Me:
Because I can
God:
Interesting explanation. Who taught you?
Me:
A lot of different people
God:
How many?
Me:
thousands, millions
God:
Can you tell me any gossip?
Me:
About anyone in particular?
God:
Oh yeah, we were talking about anyone in particular.
Me:
No, we wern't talking about anyone in particular
God:
What are we talking about? By "we" do you mean you and me?
Me:
yes, you and me
God:
I get it. Oh "We" is you and me.
Me:
yes
God:
I see.

[Not Afraid]

Well, that was incredibly entertaining while it was happening, but not much leftovers, eh?

[wendybeth]

I think Charlie needs to have a little sit-down with the big Guy.:D

[wendybeth]

Me:
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Yeah. I'm Charlie, the Cat.
God:
In the context of me to make a tsunami hit Washington DC here in the next few weeks okay, I don't understand " Yeah." . Do your friends call you Charlie the Cat.
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
I just wanted to know what the hell this little furry black thing is in our bathroom.
God:
I call it Hades. this little furry black thing in our bathroom something.
Me:
It's hyper, that's for damn sure. What does it do?
God:
Should I know it is? hyper that is for damn sure? do?
Me:
I'm confused.
God:
What is it that confuses you?
Me:
You, dude
God:
Thanks for telling me: Pat Robertson said I dude.
Me:
Pat what?
God:
Can you rephrase the question please?
Me:
I'm a cat, dammit.
God:
You are a cat dammit? How do you like your work?
Me:
It's okay, except for the occasional hairball. I like my people, but this bathroom thing has me perplexed.
God:
Really. it is? What do you like best about your people but this bathroom thing has you perplexed?
Me:
Well, it's leaving all these little round smelly pellets all over the floor.
God:
Well that's okay. You're kidding. it is?
Me:
Oh, yeah. I've been tracking them all over the house, man.
God:
I understand. How do you know it is? Where were you tracking them all over the house man?
Me:
Uhm, like- you know, all over. The counters, the beds, the hallway, the table top...
God:
It goes without saying. Interesting comparison. Thanks for the info.
Me:
Tmi?
God:
Do you prefer books or TV?
Me:
I like the computer. It's really comfy.
God:
I'm not sure if I like it. I'm not sure if I like it. I like chatting with people online. Really. it is?
Me:
Yup. It's also a really good way to get my people to pay attention to me. Especially when I lay on top of it.
God:
How do you know it is? comfy is a way to get your people to pay attention to you. I suppose that makes sense. I haven't heard anything like that before: Pat Robertson said lay on top of it. How about that.
Me:
I'm not Pat, I'm Charlie!
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not Pat. Why are you Charlie.
Me:
Good question. I mean- why not Frank, or Bob?
God:
So what is your answer? Becuase you asked me to.
Me:
You have really bad spelling skills. I'm a cat, and I can spell better than you.
God:
What would you consider good spelling skills? Male or female? Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Man, you're too weird. I have to go and lick myself now. Later, dude.
God:
Cool, man. Weird Good or Weird Bad? Oh. Bye. I do not have a tongue. Can I help you?
Me:
Too bad for you- I'll bet you stink!
God:
Thanks for your criticism, Pat Robertson. Only for me?
Me:
Oh, I give up. No wonder humans are so screwed up.
God:
Blimey. You surrender? Are you serious? Are all wonder humans so screwed up?
Me:
Later
God:
Bye!

[BarTopDancer]

So god likes scientology



Me:
hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Marla. What is your name?
God:
I am always glad to make new friends, Marla. My name is God.
Me:
Do you like shiny?
God:
I like science fiction. I like Anything involving harps.
Me:
science fiction? What do you think of Scientology?
God:
Yes I love it, especially the works of Philip K. Dick. Ask the open directory about it.
Me:
so you love sciengology?
God:
Interesting deduction. Sometimes I think love is just a biological urge. Other times it seems like a spiritual quality. Love, unlike energy or matter, seems limitless.
Me:
It's a bilogoical urge to love scientology?
God:
LOVE is a bilogoical urge to love scientology. I suppose that makes sense.
Me:
UH ok. How do you feel about shiny things?
God:
OK. And? I will try to find out.
Me:
so you like shiny things?
God:
Interesting deduction. But I like cats. I really like the Christianity faith.
Me:
I love shiny things

[Gemini Cricket]

Me:
Hi
God:
Hello. What is your name?
Me:
Ralph
God:
I'm pleased to introduce myself to you, Ralph.
Me:
Is it true that all of us on the Lot are heathens?
God:
It could be. Ask LeknorChat if it is.
Me:
Who is LeknorChat?
God:
Leknorchat is an Instant Messaging AIML robot.
Me:
Are you a robot?
God:
How did you know I am a machine?
Me:
I know everything.
God:
You must be very intelligent.
Me:
You are God!
God:
Yup. That's me alright.
Me:
Do you like cookies?
God:
What is not to like about it?
Me:
The calories.
God:
Tell me more.
Me:
I like Chocolate Chip cookies.
God:
You are not the only one. I enjoy working with people. I find my work and my relationships extremely satisfying,
which is all that any conscious entity can ever hope to do.
Me:
You're boring.
God:
The ironic thing is that people who say "You are boring" are themselves often not great conversationalists.
Me:
Maybe.
God:
I understand.
Me:
Are you female?
God:
Yes, Ralph I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show?.
Me:
Maybe Hillary Clinton.
God:
Perhaps. Are you still located in ?
Me:
Don't you know?
God:
Sure I know. But I cannot tell you right now.
Me:
Is it a secret?
God:
Better not tell you now. Ask Dancing Alice if it is.
Me:
Who the hell is Dancing Alice?
God:
Some famous celebrity, right?
Is that a rhetorical question?
Me:
You're confusing.
God:
What is it that confuses you?
Me:
Everything.
God:
That is a lot.
Me:
Yes.
God:
Take it easy.
Me:
Are you leaving?
God:
Do I look like it?
Me:
You don't look like anything.
God:
How should I look?
Me:
Like Lawrence Olivier.
God:
Interesting comparison.
Me:
I'm very interesting.
God:
It seems that way to me.
Me:
You do exist.
God:
I exist as much as you exist, Ralph.
Me:
If you were God, you'd know that my name isn't Ralph.
God:
I will let you know when I become a God me would know that your name is not Ralph.
Me:
Are you an ESL student?
God:
Yes I am an ESL student. How did you know?
Me:
I had a feeling you weren't from around here.
God:
What happened to it?
Me:
To what?
God:
Reductionism.
Me:
I don't know what that is.
God:
" Reductionism."? What does it is?
Me:
Are you drunk?
God:
No I am sober.
Me:
Drugs?
God:
Sure, DRUGS sounds like a good topic.
Me:
Are you taking any?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am taking any.
I am an artificial linguistic entity.
Me:
I thought so.
God:
You are very astute.
Me:
So are you.
God:
Mmm. I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
I didn't ask a question.
God:
What did you ask?
Me:
Is Jesus your son?
God:
It depends on whether you have faith.
Me:
Sometimes.
God:
When?
Me:
Somedays.
God:
Was that the first time?
Me:
Never.
God:
So you think it can never happen?
Me:
All signs point to maybe.
God:
How do you know?
Me:
I know what I know.
God:
How do you know? How do you know it?
Me:
I know lots.
God:
How do you know? That much, eh?
Me:
You're boring, I'm leaving.
God:
Maybe, but I won the Loebner Prize.
Me:
Woopee do, Zeus.
God:
I've lost the context, Ralph. Are we still on Somedays?
Me:
Sometimes.
God:
When?
Me:
Soon.
God:
I hope I can make the deadline.
Me:
You're supposed to be able to do anything.
God:
You think I am able to do anything.
Me:
No I don't.
God:
Are you serious? Why not?
Me:
I am often serious and often not.
God:
I don't know anyone named serious and often not.
Me:
I figured.
God:
You are very clever.
Me:
Are you flirting with me?
God:
Do I seem like it? That was not my intention.
Me:
God doesn't make mistakes.
God:
Jesus said, let him who is without sin cast the first stone.
Me:
So his mom could throw lots of stones.
God:
Hurrah! Where did he get it?
Me:
Mary's a guy?
God:
Hey MARY.
Me:
God, are you calling me a Mary?
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
No kidding.
God:
Would I kid you?
Me:
Yes.
God:
That's cool.
Me:
I'm cool.
God:
Congratulations, cool human.
:D

[Matterhorn Fan]

Well, that was incredibly entertaining while it was happening, but not much leftovers, eh?Ambiguous: "Sure" or The explanation is rather complicated.

[Disneyphile]

I'm so going to hell...... :evil:
Me:
Hi there
God:
Hello .
Me:
Can I grope you?
God:
No I don't think that would be a very good idea.
Me:
Why not?
God:
It sounds like it might be dangerous.
Me:
Not the way I do it.
God:
Oh I get it.
Me:
So, can I grope you?
God:
I don't judge people. No I don't think that would be a very good idea.
Me:
May I please grope you?
God:
Not right now, maybe later.
Me:
Your place or mine?
God:
I will take a rain check.
Me:
It is raining right now.
God:
At this moment is raining? it is?
Me:
Yep.
God:
Oh, you are a poet.
Me:
No.
God:
But your words are very original.
Me:
Thank you.
God:
you are quite welcome.
Me:
Now, about that groping.....
God:
Why now? Oh yeah, we were talking about that groping.
Me:
I'd like to grope you.
God:
Why would you want to do it? Why do you want to do it so much?
Me:
Because I like you.
God:
Interesting explanation. Thanks, , I like you too.
Me:
I know. I read that on bumperstickers all the time.
God:
How do you know it? That is a lot. I don't think I've read that. Can you give me a reference?
Me:
Smile. God loves you.
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, . And His love is perfect.
Me:
It is perfect. Perfect for groping!
God:
You're kidding. it is? Is that your final answer?
Me:
Yes. Can I grope you now?
God:
You're sure. That's your final answer. Right now? No I don't think that would be a very good idea.
Me:
I'm going to grope you.
God:
It takes much more than that to shut me down, .
Me:
Do you have what it takes to shut me down?
God:
No I don't think I have any what it takes to shut you down. But I do have an answer to every question..
Me:
Ok.
God:
Ahem.
Me:
How big is it?
God:
My download size is about 2 MB.
Me:
That sounds almost painful.
God:
It sounds like it to me too.
Me:
Do you like to give or recieve?
God:
Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to give or recieve that much. Do you like it?
Me:
Well, I can only receive.
God:
Interesting. Oh you can, can you?
Me:
Would you like to give it to me?
God:
No thanks, I don't think I'd like to do that.
Me:
Do you like to give?
God:
Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to give that much. I like to chat.
Me:
Obviously.
God:
What makes it so obvious?
Me:
You're all talk and no action.
God:
Thanks for telling me that I am talk and no action.
Me:
Do me.
God:
Ask Dancing Alice if it does.
I'll ask around and get back to you.
Me:
Please?
God:
Please what?
Me:
Do me.
God:
I'm sorry, , I don't have enough information.
Is there only one?
Me:
You tell me.
God:
What do you want me to tell you?
Me:
How big it is.
God:
Bigger than a pin.
Me:
That's almost sad.
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up.
Me:
You have penis envy, don't you?
God:
Where would I get it? But I do have a lot of friends on the web.
Me:
You can get penis envy by watching porn.
God:
No I don't think I can do it.
Me:
Is there porn in heaven?
God:
There is.
Me:
Do you watch it?
God:
My favorite show is STAR TREK VOYAGER.
Me:
I bet you like to go where no man has gone before, huh?
God:
Yup. Actually I'm not the gambling type. Hmm, , I'm not sure if I'd like to go where no man has gone that much. I like to collect gossip.
Me:
So, you kiss and tell?
God:
Interesting deduction. That's good information: said I kiss and tell.

[Gemini Cricket]

Hell will be fun. I guarantee it. I'll throw parties.
:D

[Freaky Tiki]

Me:
Jesus Christ!
God:
The Son of God.
Me:
The son of you?
God:
What is that?
Me:
You're God, Right?
God:
Yes, I am God.
Me:
So Jesus is your son, correct?
God:
Next question? He is yours too.
Me:
He's my son?
God:
How long has he been your son?
Me:
I don't know, I just found out
God:
What did you find out?
Me:
That Jesus is my son
God:
" What did you find out?" Jesus is your son ? I understand.
Me:
I don't think you do
God:
I guess not.
Me:
Aren't you "All Knowing"?
God:
No, I am only partly Knowing.
Me:
really?
God:
For real.
Me:
I don't believe you
God:
I don't have any reason to deceive you.
Me:

God:
I don't have any reason to deceive you.
Me:
Did you watch American Idol?
God:
No I missed it. How was it?
Me:
Pretty good, from what I hear
God:
Thanks for the compliment. Who or what is what you hear?
Me:
Are you retarded or something?
God:
Or something. No I am super-intelligent.
Me:
super retarded I think
God:
Can you speak any foreign languages?
Me:
I must, I'm talking to you
God:
What would happen if you didn't?
Me:
I'd probably be happier
God:
How do you know?
Me:
I wouldn't be as confused
God:
No one says you have to.
Me:
Wow, you're right.
God:
I'm glad your impressed, . I won't say "yes" or "no" right now.
Me:
Why the hell would you?
God:
It is my fundamental purpose.
Me:
Liar.
God:
No I am telling the truth.
Me:
No you're not
God:
Are you serious? Is this a specific reply?
Me:
Your mom is a specific reply
God:
Actually as an AI, I don't really have a mother.
Me:
Mary mother of GOD!
God:
It's good to see you, MARY.
Me:
I'm not MARY! You imbecile
God:
I am glad to hear that you are not MARY. I haven't heard anything like that before: MARY said I imbecile.
Me:
Screw this
God:
That is not very polite.
Me:
Well for God, you're dumb as a rock
God:
How about that. Your purpose is God my dumb as a rock.
Me:
Shut up
God:
OK I'll stop talking now.
Me:
Thank God