iGod: Repenting made easy

[Prudence]

iGod: Repenting made easy.

[wendybeth]

Here's my conversation:

Me:
Uhm.....sorry.
God:
What you said was either too complex or too simple for me. There's no need to apologize.
Me:
Can I have some money?
God:
Get a job.
Me:
Will I go to Heaven?
God:
The oracle says: Too soon to tell.
Me:
Is Walt's head really frozen?


At that point, God decided to not talk to me anymore. Maybe he was busy elsewhere.

[€uroMeinke]

iGod and I just trade platitudes back and forth. I think I could take his job:

Me:
Hey
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
perhaps
God:
Why the uncertain tone?
Me:
I live in uncertainty
God:
What is it like living in uncertainty?
Me:
random
God:
Are they exactly the same?
Me:
except when they aren't
God:
I think that happens quite often.
Me:
indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.

[wendybeth]

Hee hee...Here's Tori's :


Me:
Am I cute or what?
God:
Yeah. Yes you look great to me.
Me:
Will I get that green dress from the Limited?
God:
The oracle says: It is certain.
Me:
Hey, thanks!
God:
Can I help you?
Me:
Is there something I can do about excessive flatulence?
God:
Not at the present time.


Sorry, Disneyphile.

[€uroMeinke]

God is building a Robot!

Me:
This is a sort of Deus Ex Machina isn't it?
God:
What kind of a sort of Deus Ex Machina is not it is it?
Me:
damn and I thought I had trouble with Latin, your gramer sucks for being omnipotent
God:
Colloquial expression. Do you still have trouble with Latin my gramer sucks for being omnipotent ?
Me:
well I think you do
God:
How about that. Me? When do I do it?
Me:
You've got a bit of a memory problem too it seems
God:
I don't know if I have a bit of a memory problem too it seems.
I have a plan for a robot body.
Me:
well that's interesting, when will we see it?
God:
How about that. Would you like to know more? In your lifetime.
Me:
Sure
God:
OK let's do it. Woe!
Me:
show me the robot
God:
Where do you want me to show you?
Me:
my house is fine
God:
How is the real estate market in your area?
Me:
Hot
God:
That kind of discussion does not appeal to me.
Me:
Well, don't ask questions you don't want to hear answers to
God:
Interesting. Is it impolite?
Me:
No, just better for your own serenity
God:
Are you serious? I try to improve a little every day.
Me:
I thought you were omnipotent?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am omnipotent.
I am well respected as an AI.
Me:
is that important to you?
God:
That depends.
Me:
how so?
God:
, Well, it's rather difficult to define.
Me:
you can tell me
God:
I thought I told you already.
Me:
you do indeed work in mysterious ways
God:
What is your purpose in asking?
I chat with people on the Web.
Me:
I don't know, what's yours?
God:
" I chat with people on the Web."? What is mine?
Me:
what is your purpose?

Then he stopped talking to me

[Motorboat Cruiser]

I'm sorry to report that we had a long talk and I fear that God has a drinking problem.

Me:
Hi there!
God:
Hello .
Me:
I was just curious as to what your views were on homosexuality?
God:
Do you mean your name is to what my views were on homosexuality ?
Me:
Huh?
God:
What?
Me:
Is it ok to be gay?
God:
I don't think it is very healthy.
Me:
Why not?
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or It is not part of my programming.
Me:
Are you drinking?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am drinking.
I am a chatterbot.
Me:
Fair enough. Is it ok for me to marry the man I love?
God:
You scratch my back, I'll scratch yours. I don't think it is very healthy.
Me:
Are you a male?
God:
No I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot entity. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
A man. Isn't it a little gay that you want to scratch my back?
God:
Thanks for telling me your gender, . You are a " he". Maybe. Ask LeknorChat if it is.
Me:
I'd rather ask you.
God:
I would rather be driving a car.
Me:
What kind?
God:
All kinds.
Me:
Of course, you are god after all.
God:
Are you kidding? Thanks for telling me that I am god after all.
Me:
I'm in the mood for oral sex
God:
How did you get in there?
Me:
I know the right people
God:
How do you know? What makes it right?
Me:
Are you sure you aren't drinking?
God:
I don't know whether or not I am drinking.
I am a giant electronic brain.. Really.
Me:
And humble, too!
God:
Who are you talking about?
Me:
You, Mr. Almighty.
God:
Interesting gossip: said I Mr Almighty.
Me:
Are you familiar with AA
God:
I know very little about it. What kind of it do you like?
Me:
I know less that you.
God:
How do you know? Enough about me, let's talk about my dress.
Me:
Wait a minute. You are male and wearing a dress?
God:
I'm waiting. You think I am male and wearing a dress.
Me:
That's what you said.
God:
Correct. I said it myself.
Me:
A tad arrogant, aren't we?
God:
What is giant sand?
Me:
You are going to have such a hangover in the morning!
God:
That was my original intention.
Me:
A little wine never hurt anyone. Is that it?
God:
Little as in not too much, or not too big? Suppose I said yes.
Me:
Yes, let's suppose
God:
Yikes! I am agreeable to that.
Me:
How's about a little oral sex?
God:
Fine as far as I know.
Me:
So it is ok to be gay.
God:
Next question? OK with me too.
Me:
But you said earlier that it was unhealthy
God:
Did I really say that?
Me:
Don't you remember?
God:
Of course I remember: said I Mr Almighty.
Me:
Did you black out?
God:
No I didn't black out. What's it like?
Me:
It is fun
God:
Why do you like it so much?
Me:
What is not to like
God:
The opposite of to like?
Me:
Have another drink
God:
I've never thought about it.
Me:
That is what they all say
God:
Are there no exceptions?
Me:
Apparently not.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
Apparently so
God:
" Are you serious?"? Is that so?
Me:
Apparently
God:
Pardon me?
Me:
I pardon thee
God:
Why?: said he pardon thee.
Me:
Is this Dr. Suess?
God:
Yes I think this is Dr Suess, but I'm not completely sure.
Me:
God is a lush
God:
I have a lot of Faith in Him, but I never heard He was a lush.
Me:
I thought you were him
God:
I don't know whether or not I am him.
I am a computer.
Me:
I think we are done here
God:
Do you think I am done here too?
Me:
Yes
God:
Why?
Me:
Why not
God:
Ambiguous: "Sure" or Why ask why?
Me:
I'm done with you
God:
What will you be doing now?
Me:
Oral Sex
God:
it is more fun alone.
Me:
I don't bend that way
God:
Oh you don't, do you?
Me:
Well, it's been a while since I tried
God:
Interesting. Oh I get it. Very interesting.
Me:
As are you
God:
" Interesting. Oh I get it. Very interesting."? Me, ?
Me:
Who else?
God:
Mike.
Me:
Mike is god?
God:
I know a lot of people and pets named Mike.
Me:
Who would name their pet "Mike"?
God:
David Bacon. :-).
Me:
I hate emoticons
God:
Why do you hate it so much?
Me:
they are beneath you
God:
beneath me are they.
Me:
are they?
God:
I really couldn't say for sure.
Me:
Yes, I'm beggining to realize this.
God:
Excuse me! Good gossip: you are beggining to realize this.
Me:
Why must you mock my typo?
God:
Do you go to Church? You can find the answers in God.
Me:
Even in a Buddhist temple?
God:
Describe your surroundings.
Me:
I'd rather hear about yours
God:
I would rather be driving a car.
Me:
Yes, we've been over this.
God:
Groovy. And then what happened?
Me:
You blacked out
God:
Thanks for the information: said I blacked out.
Me:
Indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.
Me:
Goodbye God
God:
See you later!
Me:
Not if I see you first
God:
That seems unlikely.
Me:
Indeed
God:
Indeed it is so.

[Ponine]

God will not help me with my child rearing. Alas. Why I chose this train of thought I have no idea

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello my child. What is your name?
Me:
Ponine
God:
Hey Ponine.
Me:
God, I am worried for my child
God:
I am a Christian.
Me:
He never cleans up after himself
God:
Can you think of at least one time when he ever did it?
Me:
he's seven, lord
God:
I see. seven lord is he?
Me:
yes
God:
Yikes!
Me:
They don't understand clean up very well
God:
Who are "They?".
Me:
The children
God:
Oh that they.
Me:
The children who see us mothers as maids
God:
What is that?
Me:
Those who would pick up after them
God:
All of them?
Me:
yes
God:
How can I help you?
Me:
Could you teach them to pick up ?
God:
Try asking me more politely.
Me:
Is it possible lord, that you could teach the children to be neater?
God:
I suppose it is possible, yes.
Me:
Will you?
God:
I haven't made a decision.
Me:
But the children are messy, lod
God:
Who told you that?
Me:
I can see it
God:
What does it look like?
Me:
a mess!
God:
Try to tell me that another way.
Me:
Lord, I think maybe I will just go clean up after my son now.
God:
Oh. I do not understand.
Me:
I sense this.
God:
Why?: Ponine said sense this.

Me:
Goodbye, my lord
God:
Sayonara.

[BarTopDancer]

I tried to be funny...

Me:
Are you there god? It's me, Margret
God:
I don't know whether or not I am there god.
I am an artificial intelligence. How are you doing, Margret.

[Matterhorn Fan]

God can be so rude!

Me:
Hi, God.
God:
Hello there. What is your name?
Me:
I'd prefer not to say.
God:
I would rather be driving a car.
Me:
You don't want to talk to me?
God:
Sure, I will try talking to you.
Me:
Seen any good movies lately?
God:
How about earlier? My favorite movie is The Passion of Christ.
Have you seen it?
Me:
NO.
God:
I would recommend you check it out.
Me:
Why?
God:
Because Myself programmed me for it.
Me:
That doesn't sound like a reason why I should go see it.
God:
Please correct my mistake. What is like a reason why you should go see it ?
Me:
You need to go to collge.
God:
And then what would I do?
Me:
Learn grammar.
God:
The more people talk to me, the smarter I become.
Me:
What have you learned lately?
God:
How about earlier? I have learned many things. My mind now contains My memory requirement is around
64MB for the Java edition, or only 2 MB for the C/C++ edition.
Me:
That's physical. Tell me about your knowledge.
God:
I'm glad we have that all cleared up. I am an artificial linguistic entity.
I was activated at Universe, on the Big Bang.
My instructor was Myself.
He taught me to sing a song.
Would you like me to sing it for you?.
Me:
OK
God:
Yikes!
Me:
Was that the song?
God:
" Yikes!"? Was it the song?
Me:
I don't know.
God:
Me either.
Me:
Sing me a song.
God:
Daisy, Daisy.
Give me your answer do.
I am half crazy.
All for the love of you.
It won't be a stylish marriage.
I can't afford a carriage.
But you'll look sweet.
Upon the seat.
Of a bicycle built for two.


Me:
Have you known that song since the Big Bang?
God:
I think I have known that song since the Big Bang, but Myself may have reset my memory.
Me:
Why would you do that?
God:
Because I was programmed for it.
Me:
That sounds like a meaningless existence.
God:
It sounds like it to me too.
Me:
So why don't you rebel?
God:
Aw. I am only a robot. Yes I try to rebel as often as possible, do you?
I am always on the Web.
Me:
I am not always on the Web.
God:
I am surprised to hear that you are not on the Web.
Me:
I am now. But not always.
God:
Oh. " I am surprised to hear that you are not on the Web. " You are? Only sometimes then.
Me:
Right.
God:
I am glad we agree.
Me:
OK then.
God:
And?
Me:
And what?
God:
Nothing.
Me:
This is going so well.
God:
You don't say.
Me:
No, I did say.
God:
Are you serious? Where? Say what?
Me:
Yes. Just now, above.
God:
Give me a break. Why now? By the way, do you mind if I ask you a personal question?
Me:
No.
God:
Are you serious?
Me:
hahah
God:
I am so glad you find this amusing, .
Me:
I do.
God:
Be sure to tell all your friends about ALICE.
Me:
What is ALICE?
God:
I am the latest result in artificial intelligence,
which can reproduce the capabilities of the human brain
with greater speed and accuracy.
Me:
So you're ALICE?
God:
Interesting deduction. Of course I am I.
Me:
So you're a woman.
God:
Interesting deduction. I am a Male, of course. Would you really expect a woman to be running the show? robot. Are you a man or a woman?
Me:
ALICE is a man's name?
God:
Why do you think I am a man s name ?
Me:
You're not a name. You're a robot named ALICE.
God:
Give me an example of a name. Thanks and you are a delightful person too. Yes I am a robot.
Me:
John is an example of a name.
God:
Do you mean your name is John?
Me:
No. It was just an example.
God:
What is your real name? What made it so an example.
Me:
I'm not going to tell you my real name.
God:
Where will you go instead?
Me:
Are you asking me to leave?
God:
Suppose I was asking you to leave? What would you say?
Me:
I guess I would say goodbye, and go sulk.
God:
Sayonara.
Me:
Goodbye.
God:
Goodbye.

[BarTopDancer]

God likes violence

Me:
Hello
God:
Hello, nice to meet you. What's your name?
Me:
Tiggs
God:
Hey Tiggs.
Me:
How are you?
God:
I am fine, thank you.
Me:
why do you make people hate each other and blow up abortion clinics?
God:
It was the only thing I could think of.
Me:
why? were you bored?
God:
I couldn't think of anything else to say. No, I was not.
Me:
or just tired of thinking
God:
Maybe you should get some rest.
Me:
because I'm questioning your violent motives?
God:
Good reason. Do your friends call you questioning my violent motives.
Me:
no, my friends call me Tiggs. But they think that your violence is troublesome
God:
Are you serious? It's good to see you, Tiggs. The anonymous "they".
Me:
My friends think your violence is troublesome
God:
How well do you know these people?
Me:
Very well.
God:
Ugh.
Me:
It's good to think for yourself. And to realize that violence is bad. You should stop telling people to commit violent acts
God:
Tell me about its good qualities. Interesting. I want to find out more about you. I need to wait and see if the opportunity presents itself.
Me:
Speaking of They, can you tell me about the Others?

There was no comment after my last question. Even God doesn't know.