Dear: [Archive] - Page 2?login=1

Chernabog

07-27-2006, 01:25 PM

Dear Julie Andrews:

As we discussed today on the phone, enclosed please find a copy of Hairy Pop-him IV: Tuppence a Fag. I do hope you and Blake will find it as enjoyable to watch as it was to make. The insertion and removal of an umbrella, hat rack and potted plant was a most wonderful suggestion but you know how tight ana....errr.. budgetary constraints are!

See you at tea next week. Ta!

All my hot sweaty monkey love,
Pornabog

Bornieo: Fully Loaded

07-27-2006, 03:31 PM

Dear Brain,

Knock it off!!!!!!

Thanks,

B

Mary Poppins

07-27-2006, 07:12 PM

lashbear

07-27-2006, 07:25 PM

Dear Mary,

Try not to give away secrets.

Love,
Lashbear.

Gemini Cricket

07-27-2006, 07:37 PM

dunt know Alices Restaurant?
wow...
signed CJ the amazed...or perhaps ancient

Sounds like I'm ultra unswanky once again. :D
I must investigate Alice's Restaurant... I'll get back to ya.
:)

Cadaverous Pallor

07-27-2006, 07:37 PM

Dear HeadOn (http://www.headon.com),

What does your product do? I do not see anything on your website that says what your product does.

It would be nice to know why I should purchase your product and "apply directly to my forehead." I usually do not apply things to my forehead just because someone tells me I should. Perhaps if you give me a good reason to purchase your product and apply it to my forehead, I just might do so.

Thank you,

Jennie

Yes I did send this

Capt Jack

07-27-2006, 08:32 PM

Sounds like I'm ultra unswanky once again. :D
I must investigate Alice's Restaurant... I'll get back to ya.
:)

oh this should be good.
uh........hmm......
yeah

Kevy Baby

07-27-2006, 08:42 PM

With feelin'.Anybody who can work Arlo Guthrie into a thread is alright by me.

Did you know they made an Alice's Restaurant MOVIE? Really freakin' weird (and LOW bidget) movie.

Kevy Baby

07-27-2006, 08:43 PM

Better than eating the inside of a cow. :p ;)No it's not!

wendybeth

07-27-2006, 09:16 PM

Dear Cat Outside my Door:

I am a dog person. Please return to your home, which I suspect is just downstairs.

Matterhorn Fan
Dear Matterhorn Fan,

You are under investigation by our group, the Association of Feline Re-education- American Investigations Department, or 'AFRAID'. Our operatives have had you under surveillance for some time now, and we have decided that you are in need of some 're-education'. We shall be launching a concerted effort to sway your opinion towards our species and we would appreciate your cooperation. Any attempts to chase off or harm our personnel will be dealt with harshly- we have many unpleasant retaliatory methods, as I'm sure your friend 'Scaeagles' can attest to. Don't try to run- we are everywhere. Okay, maybe not in the Antarctic, but nearly everywhere. So don't try it.

Sincerely yours, etc,

The cat outside your door.

scaeagles

07-27-2006, 09:48 PM

Dear cat outside Matterhorn Fan's door,

I am a member of a counter organization called Decidedly and Eggregiously Against Those Hellishly Tainted Ogre Creatures of Aggravating Treachery and Snobbery, or 'DEATH TO CATS'. The name of the organization speaks for itself, so you had best watch which door you appear outside of.

We are watching you.

Sincerely,

A charter member of DEATH TO CATS

wendybeth

07-27-2006, 09:58 PM

Dear Scaeagles,

Did you say something?

:p

Use caution when exiting your domicile. We wouldn't want a stray cactus to fall on you or something. It would really suck if it was a freshly sprayed cactus, wouldn't it?

Yours in retaliatory evil,

The cat who is stationed near your house.

tracilicious

07-27-2006, 10:12 PM

Dear Jennie,

Obviously it's SAFE to use! You can use it anytime you need it! Do you really need to know more?

Sincerely,
HeadOn Corp.

Not Afraid

07-27-2006, 10:14 PM

Does HeadON give good Headons?

Prudence

07-27-2006, 10:46 PM

Dear me several weeks ago:

And you thought knitting socks instead of studying was a good idea why? Must every exam period be accompanied by the thrill of seeing how close one can come to the exam date before beginning to commit the subject material to memory? Couldn't you just jump out of an airplane or something?

Get cracking,
Me.

Matterhorn Fan

07-27-2006, 11:21 PM

Dear Prudence,
If you could get your class materials on tape, you could study and knit socks at the same time.

Moonliner

07-28-2006, 05:18 AM

Gemini Cricket

07-28-2006, 05:38 AM

Dear Sandman,
What was with that funky dream last night? Espionage in Iraq with Madonna as a fellow spy? The attack kid with circular saws for hands?
WTF? I guess I attributed to that with my midnight snack before bed and an IM conversation about Madonna with our Isaac.
Signed,
International Man of Mystery
:D

Capt Jack

07-28-2006, 08:15 AM

Does HeadON give good Headons?

:eek:

*runs off to buy a case*

I'll let you know...

BarTopDancer

07-28-2006, 08:19 AM

Dear self: You ment to wear your pink mary janes today. Why are you wearing your black ones? You're not wearing any other black and your shirt is pink.

Signed,
Perplexed at my morning logic

Matterhorn Fan

07-28-2006, 09:14 AM

Dear Sandman,
What was with that funky dream last night? Apartment hunting at some WDW-like resort? With Stargate SG-1 characters? Are you trying to tell me I should actually go find an apartment? Or that I'm watching too much sci-fi lately?
At least I wasn't a spy in Iraq with Madonna.
Signed,
About to be Homeless if I don't do something about it soon

wendybeth

07-28-2006, 09:22 AM

Dear Matterhorn Fan,

Don't get any ideas- we have many operatives within the Disney Resort system. Oh, do you have any tuna fish? I'm getting hungry and my shift isn't over for several hours.

Sincerely,
The cat outside your apartment door.

Matterhorn Fan

07-28-2006, 09:24 AM

Dear wendybeth,
The cat has not been seen since yesterday afternoon. It would not eat. I hope it's gone home, wherever that is.

A lot of people have been moving out of this complex; I just hope they're not leaving pets behind. Sometimes people are stupid that way.

scaeagles

07-28-2006, 09:35 AM

Dear WB,

How long have you been hallucinating that you are a cat? Have you sought help?

Signed,
A concerned fellow poster

BarTopDancer

07-28-2006, 09:40 AM

Dear BTD,

Please wash me.

Signed,

ShinyCar

----

Dear ShinyCar,

Thank you for your request. Perhaps this weekend I will give you a bath. However, due to the heat, humidity and wind I feel bad taking you to the car wash where people are out in the hot sun all day. I suppose some would say I am taking money away from them by not going, but I feel bad for having someone else (who probably doesn't have a car) sweat and bake so I can have a clean car.

Love,

Your owner

---------

Dear iSm,

thank you for the Leis you provided way back when during a Tiki meet. They came in handy today for our Hawaii party at work.

Signed,
-BTD

Gemini Cricket

07-28-2006, 09:47 AM

Dear Matterhorn Fan,
Being homeless is not fun.
I hope you figure something out.
You could put on a cat costume and maybe Lisa will adopt you.
:D
Hee hee.
But seriously, I hope something comes up.
Sincerely,
GC

Matterhorn Fan

07-28-2006, 09:53 AM

There's places, it's just that prices have gone way up and I hate going apartment hunting. I'd like to stay put, but I can't.

Gemini Cricket

07-28-2006, 10:15 AM

There's places, it's just that prices have gone way up and I hate going apartment hunting. I'd like to stay put, but I can't.
Apartment hunting totally sucks. craigslist was where we found our current apartment. Just a suggestion.
:)

scaeagles

07-28-2006, 10:25 AM

I've heard about craigslist and a problem with people posting rooms or apartments available for sexual favors rather than rent. Is this your arrangement, GC?

Andrew

07-28-2006, 10:27 AM

Better than eating the inside of a cow. :p ;)
Dear BTD,

Where do you think cheese comes from?

Gemini Cricket

07-28-2006, 10:31 AM

I've heard about craigslist and a problem with people posting rooms or apartments available for sexual favors rather than rent. Is this your arrangement, GC?
Dear sceagles,
Sca-bite me.
Signed,
GC

PS ~ And, yes. That is my arrangement. My landlady could barely walk after the security deposit.
:D

BarTopDancer

07-28-2006, 10:53 AM

Dear BTD,

Where do you think cheese comes from?

Dear Andrew,

Cheese is dairy, comes from milk. I do not eat animal based rennet. Therefore I do not have to consume animal parts to eat cheese.

So there :p

tracilicious

07-28-2006, 11:36 AM

Dear BTD,

The milk still started on the inside of a cow.

Veganly yours,
Traci
;)

katiesue

07-28-2006, 12:47 PM

Dear lady ahead of me in the checkout line,

The courtesy clerk is not your personal shopper. If you forgot something go get it and get back in line.

Sincerely,
The 900 impatient people in line behind you

BarTopDancer

07-28-2006, 01:11 PM

Dear BTD,

The milk still started on the inside of a cow.

Veganly yours,
Traci
;)

Yes, it did. However you do not have eat its flesh to get to the milk. And yes, I am aware of how dairy farms are run.

a vegetarian for non-ethical reasons,

btd

scaeagles

07-28-2006, 01:14 PM

Cadaverous Pallor

07-28-2006, 02:47 PM

Gemini Cricket

07-28-2006, 03:07 PM

Dear LoT,
Heap big doings in sky.
Loud thunder.
Storm coming.
Signed,
Chief Big Feather

Gemini Cricket

07-28-2006, 03:12 PM

oh this should be good.
uh........hmm......
yeah
Dear Capt Jack and Moonliner,
Me likes Alice's Restaurant.
Some of my posts sound like this song. On and on... Hee hee.
An 18 minute song... Wow.
Funny sh!t.
Signed,
GC
:)

Ghoulish Delight

07-28-2006, 03:25 PM

Dear Fellow Male Coworkers,

It seems some instruction on how trash cans work is necessary. You wouldn't think so, all of you being engineers and all, but some of you seem to be unclear on the concept.

The model of trash can in the bathrooms have what is called a "lid". This "lid" helps keep the restroom sanitary for you and your fellow employees. This "lid" performs a very intricate movement known by some as "rotating", sometimes "flipping". It does not, however, perform this movement under its own power. Nor is the weight of a single, or even several, wet paper towels sufficient force. Therefore, one does not just place a discarded paper towel on top of the "lid". The proper procedure is to apply a small amount of force using your own muscles to "rotate" the lid, allowing the refuse to go through the "lid" and into the trash can.

We appologize for assuming you weren't retards. We will not make the same mistake in the future.

Sincerely,
Management

Not Afraid

07-28-2006, 03:34 PM

Dear Dork that looks like Napoleon Dynamite with red hair.

Stop following me! I've seen you 3 times this week about town and you are too ugly to spot again. Please stay inside.

Signed,

Prefers to look at better looking people.

Cadaverous Pallor

07-28-2006, 03:58 PM

Dear NA,

I wasn't EVEN following you! GOSH!

Signed,

ND Dork

Capt Jack

07-28-2006, 04:05 PM

Dear Capt Jack and Moonliner,
Me likes Alice's Restaurant.
Some of my posts sound like this song. On and on... Hee hee.
An 18 minute song... Wow.
Funny sh!t.
Signed,
GC
:)

Dear GC,
Im glad you liked it. Yes, its one of the longer songs to ever hit the airwaves and was usually used by DJ's of the day to take extended 'smoke' breaks.

;)

CJ

wendybeth

07-28-2006, 08:02 PM

Dear Traci,

Please don't eat me!!!! I only want to live in the fertile soil with the sun shining down upon me and my brethren- is that too much to ask?

Sincerely hoping not to be in your tummy tonight-

Tom Ato

Mousey Girl

07-28-2006, 09:40 PM

Dear Sweet Child of Mine,

I love that you have friend who have a small pool. I love that you can go over there almost every day. What I do not love is that you come home and sit around in your wet shorts.

My ass is now wet from sitting on a chair you vacated 2 hours ago!

Be glad you are not home tonight...your Mommy would have figured out some sweet revenge!!

((hugs))

Love, Your Patient, revenge-seeking Mother.

tracilicious

07-28-2006, 09:56 PM

Dear Vegans of the World:

I do not understand you. Personally, I figure my DNA has made me into an omnivore and I follow that. However, I respect anyone's decisions on diet because I know they're all personal. Seeing as how I have personal tastes (lobsters look like giant bugs) I can't possibly tell anyone else what to eat.

All that I ask is that I am not made to feel guilty for following my genetic predispositions. Many of my best friends have been vegan through the years and I love all y'all.

Hmm, now that I wrote this out, I realize that this is very similar to my point of view on religion, politics, or anything else, pretty much.

Love,
Jen

P.S. Yes, I would order rabbit at a restaurant. Veal is tasty too.

Dear CP,

I agree. I think we are designed as omnivores. I think the fact that you can only get b12 from meat proves it. I don't even feel sorry for animals that are killed for meat (or leather, for that matter). I don't think we are designed to eat grain fed (especially pesticide laced grain fed) animals, or animals that are shot up with hormones and antibiotics, or animals too sick to walk. And sadly, grass fed organic beef, and free range chicken is frikkin expensive. So, with the current state of our available livestock, I think vegan is healthier.

I'm only near vegan though, as I will probably get eggs from the same farm I get my veggies from in the fall. I won't stop wearing leather, and I won't freak out if I accidentally ingest some dairy. We'd be straight vegetarian if it weren't that cheese really doesn't agree with any of us (and is pretty bad for everyone). This is a good excuse to eat healthy. It stops us from ordering pizza on lazy nights, and driving by fast food while we are running errands. And now that I'm not buying meat, I can afford to eat all organic foods.

Eternally yours,
Former meat lover

tracilicious

07-28-2006, 09:58 PM

Dear Bees,

I am sorry for the oppression you have endured throughout the history of human honey eating. It is horribly, horribly wrong for us to exploit you and force you into nothing less than slave labor for production of a product that we can do without.

Please accept my humble apology.

Signed,
Whacked out vegan
;)

Dear Scaegles,

Isn't that hilarious?! I laughed my butt off when I found out about the honey. I did buy some agave nectar to see if it compares, though. No honey! Ha!

Signed,
Not very whacked out vegan

tracilicious

07-28-2006, 10:00 PM

Yes, it did. However you do not have eat its flesh to get to the milk. And yes, I am aware of how dairy farms are run.

a vegetarian for non-ethical reasons,

btd

Dear BTD,

The only cheese I've ever seen without rennet is organic. Organic farms are much much cleaner, and cows healthier than regular farms. So worry not. But the cheese is still bad for you. ;)

Also a vegan for non ethical reasons,
me

wendybeth

07-28-2006, 10:14 PM

Dear Traci,

Hey, what am I! Chopped liver? Don't I get a letter?

We veggies get no respect, I tells ya.

Whateverly yours,
Tom (Ato)

tracilicious

07-28-2006, 10:16 PM

Dear Tom,

I really like you. But you are in almost everything. To tell you the truth, sometimes I get sick of you. So, maybe next time I'll let you live.

Scary for veggies,
me

wendybeth

07-28-2006, 10:26 PM

An Open Letter to Concerned Vegetables:

I am offering amnersty to any vegetables that don't wish to be consumed by Tracilicious and Family. You will enjoy spacious living quarters, plentiful water and sunshine- at least until the snow flies. To locate our sanctuary, simply hang a left outta Arizona then head north until you're nearly Canadian.

Yours, etc,
Wendy in the PNW

PS- mushrooms are not included in this amnesty program, as they will likely wind up sauteed and on top of a steak.

Onions are not necessarily safe, either- especially Walla Walla sweets.

PPS- Potatoes might be a bit....endangered, as well.

PPPS- Brussel sprouts are guaranteed a long and healthful existence.

Freaky Tiki

07-29-2006, 01:42 PM

To whom it may concern:

Stop testing the emergency broadcast system when I'm watching something good on TV. Start doing it at like 3 or 4 in the morning. Hell, if I was watching TV at that time, I'd even forgive you.

BarTopDancer

07-29-2006, 01:53 PM

Dear BTD,

The only cheese I've ever seen without rennet is organic. Organic farms are much much cleaner, and cows healthier than regular farms. So worry not. But the cheese is still bad for you. ;)

Also a vegan for non ethical reasons,
me

Dear Traci,

There is vegetable rennet, which is not derived from animal. I think it's called microbial (or something like that). Trader Joes lists if the rennet comes from animal or plant and there is a site out there that lists all the brands that contain plant rennet. Also, if a cheese is Kosher it cannot contain animal rennet (mixing meat and milk).

Signed,

- slowly learning

BarTopDancer

07-29-2006, 01:54 PM

Dear BTD,

Thank you so much for giving me a bath.

Love,

ShinyCar

Dear Costco,

Please do not attack me

Singed,

BTD

Matterhorn Fan

07-29-2006, 02:11 PM

Dear Traci,

I posted a link to the non-rennet cheese list in the "Soooo" thread a while ago. If you search posts for rennet, you should find it easily. I'd post it again, but apparently I forgot to bookmark it.

Matterhorn Fan (whose current favorite cheese may or may not be on that list. I'm not sure if I dare to look)

Isaac

07-29-2006, 02:23 PM

This thread reminds me of a song.

Dear lie
you suck
you said you could fix everything
instead
I'm f****d
You made things even worse for me
If I
had balls
I'd tell you get away from me
Guess I'm
not smart
I let you
unnerve me
I let you
control me
Afraid the truth would hurt me
When it's you that hurts me more
Dear lie
You're dumb
You think you've got the best of me
You think
you won
Misread my vulnerability
I've got
your walls
Now get the hell away from me
I've learned
your art
Won't let you
unnerve me
Won't let you
control me
The truth will only free me
And your lies won't hurt no more
Get outta my mouth
Get outta my head
Get outta my mind
Stop puttin' words in my head
Get outta my mouth
You're nothing but trouble
Get outta my life
Get out of me
Out of me
Out of me
Out of me lie

Prudence

07-31-2006, 04:46 PM

Dear fashion designers and buyers:

Cropped trousers? You have got to be kidding me. This is your big fall must-have? Suits with short pants? No, it does not look like glamour with an edge. It looks like your models are headed to a Little Lord Fauntleroy-themed party. Especially when you insist on pairing them with the ruffled shirt and cropped velvet jacket.

Knock it off.

No love.
Me.

LSPoorEeyorick

07-31-2006, 04:56 PM

It stops us from ordering pizza on lazy nights, and driving by fast food while we are running errands. And now that I'm not buying meat, I can afford to eat all organic foods.

Dear trac,

That's pretty much why we're vegetarians, too. Well, that and also Tom's brain thing.

Love,
LSPE

Not Afraid

07-31-2006, 05:04 PM

Dear Pru.

We have no right to complain because no one wants to see our legs anyways. Now, get with the program.

Love,

My tongue which happens to be in my cheek - or up someone's crack. You choose.

Andrew

07-31-2006, 05:12 PM

Dear City of East Palo Alto official department of sitting on your ass and not actually answering the phone to, you know, help people figure out what kind of permits or other bureaucratic waste of paper they might need before starting a major remodeling project that, in order to meet the drop-dead date of Thanksgiving, needs to start NOW, but who instead are, as noted previously in this rather long sentence, sitting on your fat entitled government paycheck asses most emphatically NOT providing any sort of service whatsoever other than enriching the owner of the McDonalds franchise next to the City office building,

Keep up the good work.

Yours in utter disgust,

BarTopDancer

08-02-2006, 08:11 AM

Dear the Mid-West and East Coast.

You're welcome.

Love,

The West Coast

katiesue

08-02-2006, 09:25 AM

Dear Furniture Designer,

Love the chair with the washable slipcovers. But wouldn't it have been a bit easier to put the zipper on the long end of the fitted cushion not the short end?

Sincerely,
Chair Cushion Wrestling Champion

Nephythys

08-02-2006, 10:10 AM

Andrew,

Oh, it's a 'Farscape' thang.

Signed,
Never saw 'Farscape' Ever GC

Dear GC-

You should watch Farscape- from start to finish. One of the best shows ever!

Love-
Scapers everywhere (including me!)

Nephythys

08-02-2006, 10:12 AM

Dear person who does not know it is 2006-

Why did you put a Kerry/Edwards sign on your property in July 2006? Don't you know what year it is? Don't you know there is no Presidential election this year?

If he runs again- please put up your signs- but for goodness sake why now?

Sincerely-
Someone who knows when in time they are

JWBear

08-02-2006, 11:49 AM

Dear boss from hell,

In the future, when you delegate to me a task that was given to you to do, please don't tell me that there were no instructions, and then 2 days later forward me an email - with the instructions - that you received before you delegated the task to me. That would be really helpfull.

Thanks.

Eliza Hodgkins 1812

08-02-2006, 12:55 PM

Dear Dart Board at Ye Old King's Head Bar in Santa Monica,

Someday, I will be the master of you. Someday!

Fondly,
Audra

wendybeth

08-02-2006, 02:03 PM

Dear old man arguing with the checker in the grocery store,

The bananas were .79 cents a lb., and just because you were capable of throwing a hissy fit over the fact that you thought they were .59 a lb. doesn't give you the right to hold up the line for ten minutes, repeatedly insult the checker and and start dropping names that might have meant something to a checker 40 years ago. You got your way and the checker took all of .03 off your purchase of three bananas, but I take solace in knowing that the dozen Baby Ruths you bought were probably all melted by the time you finished your tirade.
Oh, and you smelled funny.

Signed,
The disgusted line of people who all agreed to shoot each other if they ever turned into a old bastard like you.

Capt Jack

08-02-2006, 02:13 PM

Dear God,

Yeah, its me again. Re: our conversation from the other day, I have to say I still dont get it. When you say all the bad stuff that happens is part of the "master plan"...by the way, I hate it when you do that little quote thing with your fingers...I must insist on you revealing the part of said plan where I cannot be rich, famous, loved by all mankind and not let it go to my head.

lates bud..
CJ

PS: Its the 'not let it go to my head' part, isnt it? :p

Kevy Baby

08-02-2006, 08:32 PM

Oh dear

or

Dear deer

BarTopDancer

08-08-2006, 10:03 PM

Kevy Baby

08-08-2006, 10:05 PM

Dear chin:

Why won't you grow hair? It makes for a less than desirable beard.

Sincerely,
My face

scaeagles

08-08-2006, 10:07 PM

Dear Ears,

Please send your excess hair producing capability to Kevy's chin.

Sincerely,
The Tweezers

Prudence

08-08-2006, 10:09 PM

Dear Franco Sarto:

Please stop making cute shoes. There is no more room on my shoe rack!

Your fan,
Me.

Ghoulish Delight

08-08-2006, 10:15 PM

Dear co-workers. You are an amazing group of people. I have never felt so welcome. But really, when we say "Don't download LimeWire" please don't get annoyed when it takes me all day to fix your comptuer and I'm still not done.

--------

I pulled over 25 viruses off someones computer today, and found over 150 peices of spyware on it. All due to LimeWire. And I'm still not done.Dear IT Department at BDT's Company,

I highly recommend implementing a responsible data backup policy for all of your employee-use computers. Or, minimally, make sure all business data is on network-access storage. These simple measures will ensure that the systems can be restored from virus/malware damage simply by reinstalling the system without affecting the data. This will also ensure that BTD does not kick you in your "shinies".

- A Friend in the Storage Area Networking business

BarTopDancer

08-08-2006, 10:57 PM

Dear IT Department at BDT's Company,

I highly recommend implementing a responsible data backup policy for all of your employee-use computers. Or, minimally, make sure all business data is on network-access storage. These simple measures will ensure that the systems can be restored from virus/malware damage simply by reinstalling the system without affecting the data. This will also ensure that BTD does not kick you in your "shinies".

- A Friend in the Storage Area Networking business

Dear A Friend,

BTDs company has all desktop computers mapped to network-access storage drives to prevent issues like this one. Laptops are set to synch with the public drives when docked. What BTDs company needs is enforcement of the synch policy. And I think that may happen now.

But there may still be some kicking of the shinies.

wendybeth

08-09-2006, 12:27 AM

Dear Ears,

Please send your excess hair producing capability to Kevy's chin.

Sincerely,
The Tweezers

Dear Ears,

I second that request.

Most very truly and sincerely,

A Concerned Hairdresser

Bornieo: Fully Loaded

08-09-2006, 12:39 AM

Dear Dick on POTC ride the other night:

Thanks for taking Flash pictures of everything inside the building. I appreciate being repeatedly blinded by your state-of-the-art zenon beam of light. I know it's dark in there and you placing the flash setting at "Fvck'in - A blinding" might have been a tad too much.

I do however would like to offer you 37 pictures of you taking those flash pictures. Unfortunatly I don't have the Fvuk'in A Bright A$$ Zenon Beam of light on my camera, so they're a "little dark."

Sincerely,

My middle finger.

Motorboat Cruiser

08-09-2006, 01:43 AM

Dear toilet,

I just want to thank you for your lovely sense of timing. A stomach virus/flu/whatever just wouldn't be as much fun if you were functioning correctly. Since I have to actually open the tank and stick my hand in to manually flush you (due to a broken chain), I can't tell you how pleased I am that I get to play out this scenario every 20 minutes or so. Thanks so much for the memorable evening.

lashbear

08-09-2006, 03:55 AM

Dear Pre-processed Food Manufacturers.

Please stop disguising MSG as number 631, 630-635, Hydrolysed vegetable protein etc. etc. etc. and just put "Contains MSG" on your packaging.

Hateful regards,
The Guy Who Stayed Up Till 2:30am Last Night With A Jackhammering Heart And Then Had To Wake This Morning At 5:00am For Work.

Matterhorn Fan

08-09-2006, 07:14 AM

Dear Motorboat Cruiser,

The folks over at the "Knitting and other creative endeavors" thread can provide you with directions for crocheting your very own toilet chain.

scaeagles

08-09-2006, 07:22 AM

Dear MBC,

To preven further stomach problems, I would recommend you eliminate Spham from your diet.

A concerned LoT member

Andrew

08-09-2006, 10:38 AM

SzczerbiakManiac

08-09-2006, 11:16 AM

Dear all the people who, when I was in my teens, told me I'd grow out of acne,

You're a lying sack of shït—I still get it.

SM

Ponine

08-09-2006, 11:38 AM

Dear person I was friendly with five years ago,

It's over. Just because I still have the same AIM name and haven't actually blocked you doesn't mean I really want to talk to you. Please stop IMing me once every six months.

(The addressee is not on LoT.)
Edited to say:
Dear person I was friendly with since I got my AIM name, 10 years ago....
The same goes for you.
Yes, we spoke in HS, yes, we've spoken since.
No, we are not hard and fast friends.
Please, enough with the out of the blue IM's.

Capt Jack

08-09-2006, 11:44 AM

Dear everyone I ever ditched from previous messenger identities cuz you were too damn annoying to be continued as part of my life

neener neener :p
later
seeya
wouldnt wanna beeya

love and bullets
the artist formerly known as (any of about 3 dozen names)

:evil:

Andrew

08-09-2006, 02:57 PM

Ponine

08-09-2006, 02:59 PM

Dear cubicle neighbor cow-orker,

Pounding the Enter key on your keyboard is not going to make whatever is not happening start happening or happen any faster, and just makes you look like more of an idiot.
Dear cubicle neighbor co-worker,
But you dont understand, it makes me feel like the system will move faster. The "processing" on the screen merely means, if I press enter enough it will process faster.

Signed,
60% of Andrew, and Ponine's co-workers

scaeagles

08-09-2006, 03:10 PM

Dear end users in the accounting department,

Why do you make me prove the same thing to you over and over?

When a program runs, there is no distinction between the contract numbers that come out on every page. If a calculation works for one contract, that calculation will work for all contracts. If I prove the same calculation to you on seven or eight contracts, why do you need me to prove the calculation again on a ninth? Is it not possible for you to verify the calculation if you are insecure about the number on the report? Are you too stupid? Are you too lazy? Is it both? Do you know how time consuming it is for me to comb through thousands of pages of raw data to show you that, once again, the numbers on your report are accurate?

Please rot in hell and die,
One incredibly irritated IT guy

Motorboat Cruiser

08-09-2006, 03:24 PM

Dear end users in scaeagles accounting department,

Please see enclosed check. Keep up the good work.

Sincerely,
MBC

scaeagles

08-09-2006, 03:28 PM

Dear MBC,

I have enough people in my life making it more difficult. If you continue to pay people to irritate me, I'm cutting you off. As I re-read that, I like the double meaning and it is applicable.

Scaeagles

DreadPirateRoberts

08-09-2006, 03:30 PM

Dear Scaeagles,

Why does the latest contract calculation printout smell like ham?

Sincerely,

the end users in scaeagles accounting department

Motorboat Cruiser

08-09-2006, 04:12 PM

I have enough people in my life making it more difficult. If you continue to pay people to irritate me, I'm cutting you off.

Do it and I'll take the ham with me.

And all the kings horses and all the kings men won't be able to put scaeagles' sphincter together again.

Gemini Cricket

08-09-2006, 04:16 PM

Dear iTunes on my computer that is on shuffle,
Why do you like the Black Eyed Peas so much? I do have other songs to choose from. Is it a conspiracy?
Signed,
iMe

Matterhorn Fan

08-09-2006, 05:08 PM

Dear GC,

My iTunes does the same thing, only with U2's The Joshua Tree. At least it has good taste; it could be playing the "it's a small world" over and over.

Matterhorn Fan

08-09-2006, 05:09 PM

Dear FOX,

Why is "House" on ALL the time? I realize it's summer and all, but don't you have anything else to put on as a filler before the show I want to watch?

scaeagles

08-09-2006, 05:50 PM

Dear GC,

My iTunes does the same thing, only with U2's The Joshua Tree. At least it has good taste; it could be playing the "it's a small world" over and over.

The Joshua Tree is quite possibly the best album ever produced.

Matterhorn Fan

08-09-2006, 08:14 PM

It's darn good, and I'm not complaining.

But I must say:

Dear iTunes,
Don't think I didn't notice that after I posted about you in this thread, that you didn't play any U2 for HOURS (and that when you did, you chose to play The Star Spangled Banner from Rattle and Hum). Yes, I'm on to you. I have, however, greatly enjoyed hearing the Dead Can Dance-Star Tours-Squirrel Nut Zippers combo that you came up with. I would never have put those three together like that.

Kevy Baby

08-09-2006, 10:09 PM

...it could be playing the "it's a small world" over and over.No no no... anything but THAT!

Ghoulish Delight

08-09-2006, 11:37 PM

Talking Heads and They Might Be Giants are my iPod's obessions.

Gemini Cricket

08-10-2006, 05:41 AM

Dear scaeagles,
Thank you for your advice while I applied and interviewed for this new job I got. Much appreciated.
GC
:)

scaeagles

08-10-2006, 05:52 AM

Dear GC,

You are most certainly welcome.

However, thanking me publically for something might have the effect of ruining my image on the board as the evil conservative overlord. Please refrain in the future.

Scaeagles

Gemini Cricket

08-10-2006, 05:57 AM

closet liberal scaeagles,

'Abbey Road' = best album ever produced

Signed,
GC

My iTunes shuffles my Disney tunes into the mix all the time. I'll be listening to Dusty Springfield one minute and the next thing I hear is the Adventureland barker bird. Or Sarah McLaughlin (sp?) will play and then the next thing I hear is a roar from the Matterhorn's abominable snowman and the next thing to come up is 'Tick Tick Bang' by Prince. Funny stuff.
:D

Prudence

08-23-2006, 08:20 AM

Dear grant office:

I'm sorry that my monthly report request is such an enormous burden on you that you felt it necessary to a) make snarky comments about my request and b) include those comments when you forwarded to me your request to call you about it.

However, you are the grant office. You are the *only* office on campus that knows which industry-sponsored clinical trials ultimately receive funding. I need that list in order to determine which studies to bill for their IRB fee. I have to do it this way because YOUR OFFICE, when setting up this plan, didn't think to set up a system for fee collection.

Furthermore, the office to which the fees are owed was, until last July, part of your office. So, until you spun them off into their own unit, they were part of you. If you hadn't done that, you'd have to do this report anyhow because I'm sure you'd want the tens of thousands of dollars (that make up the ENTIRE operations budget that is now $40K in the red because of missing fees) if they were going into your budget.

AND, your office is subordinate to mine. You are a subordinate unit in the University-wide Office of Research. I've got my marching orders from the Vice Provost and she's your boss, too. She wants this done, and I doubt she'll be pleased when I inform her that you refused to help. Particularly after Friday's "team building" retreat where we all were encouraged to work together. That includes you, by the way.

I'm sorry that academic units badger you for reports because they don't maintain their own databases. This is hardly the same situation, as should be perfectly clear from the information requested and the units making the request. Perhaps if you had considered the fee collection process when concocting this scheme I wouldn't need to be making this request, so step off, beeyotch.

No love AT ALL,
Me.

Ponine

09-04-2007, 01:54 PM

Dear LoT friends,
Yes I reusrected a very old thread. I ran across it in search and I liked it.

~ponine

Dear Weather,
Enough is enough. I am melting, as is most of my city. It was more tolerable in Las Vegas than it is here right now.

Dear Family of mine that I adore,
Back off.
Its hot, and I am already cranky. Do me a favor and behave so that I dont stress out on top of everything else.
And buy ice cream. Please.

Love, ME

tracilicious

09-04-2007, 02:00 PM

Dear Ponine,
I loved this thread. Thanks for resurrecting it.

Dear Yoga,
I don't feel like doing you tonight

Dear Michael,
Thanks in advance for cleaning the house. (hint!)

Much love,
Traci

Morrigoon

09-04-2007, 02:37 PM

Dear nose,

I get it. It's allergy season. You can stop now. And by stop I do not mean running things down my throat into my lungs. I really don't appreciate being made to appear as if I have consumption. The tragic beauty "La Boheme" thing just isn't my style. Thanks.

~Goonie

Morrigoon

09-04-2007, 02:50 PM

Dear Ponine,

I have noted somewhat amusingly that unless one takes note of the year, this thread appears to be quite recent, and in perfect chronological order to boot.

Well done,
The Goon

Dear ankles,

Being annoying and sore will not get me to take off these strappy sandals here at the office, and if you persist in irritating me, I'll dress nicely for work every day.

Think about it,

Me

Kevy Baby

09-04-2007, 02:55 PM

Doe, a dear...

katiesue

09-04-2007, 03:02 PM

Dear Me,

Clean up your room it's a disaster.

Sincerely,
Me

Morrigoon

09-04-2007, 03:08 PM

Dear Oriental Trading Company:

Please fire whoever designed the products on pages 5 and 6. While you're at it, please do the same with whoever decided to put those products in your "business edition" catalog.

Sincerely,
Morri

LSPoorEeyorick

09-04-2007, 03:10 PM

Dear morning journal,

Stop staring at me.
Seriously.

Your puppy dog eyes aren't helping me. In fact, nothing is helping me. I'm repeatedly filling my brain with junk food media today and I can't get my head on anything positive. Don't you dare give me that pathetic wounded stare. Because if I open you and write in you, I might discover that I actually want to stay in reading deprivation. At least part-time. And that sounds just horrible.

Or wonderful.

OK, so I acknowledge that if I don't write in you every morning I get cranky. I blame it on other stuff. It's just like if I don't shower-- my day is absolute **** thereafter. Fine. FIIIIINE. I'll take you to lunch and I'll write, already. Are you satisfied? ARE YOU SATISFIED, JOURNAL?

Please advise.
LSPE

Not Afraid

09-04-2007, 03:24 PM

Dear A,

I am an independent contractor not an employee working for you. You should probably think about treating me as a customer rather than someone to vent to when you are angry. You have hired me to do marketing and my services do no include babysitting or psychological therapy.

Sincerely,

me.

BarTopDancer

09-04-2007, 03:29 PM

Dear people in my office,

I am not a mind reader. Please give me details. Also, when I come by because your boss and my boss told me to, it would be nice of you to cooperate. I won't be the one dealing with an angry boss because you won't.

Dear weather,

knock it off.

Dear candy dish at my co-workers desk,

Yes, you are beautiful and I love you. You are bad for my diet.

I'm sorry. But it's over.

Love,

~ me

Kevy Baby

09-04-2007, 03:47 PM

Dear virgins of the world:

Thanks for nothing.

Sincerely,
All the straight guys

Morrigoon

09-04-2007, 03:53 PM

Dear mousepod,

I hope you're settling in well. Sorry about the heat.

~SoCal

BarTopDancer

09-04-2007, 03:58 PM

Dear end users -

When you install unapproved gaming software, and we take it off, it's best not to complain about it.

Signed,

IT Professionals of the World

Bornieo: Fully Loaded

09-04-2007, 04:13 PM

Dear October 20th, 2007,

Where the hell are you? Are we there yet?

Suffering,

Mark B. Age 9

Morrigoon

09-04-2007, 04:33 PM

Dear Mexican food,

Why do you make me want you when I have no money? I should be eating burgers right now, mac and cheese even. I can't be spending on fish tacos and lovely lovely beans every day for the next two weeks. Please leave me alone.

Me

Ponine

09-04-2007, 04:48 PM

Dear Whomever-Made-My-School-district-buy-this-system,
Look, when we had to do all this crap by hand, at least we had more control. Now, people have the ability to enter assignments wrong, and your system automatically PAyS THEM, not only does it pay them, it pays them what IT thinks they deserve.
Now, thank you very much, I have a $2,200 overpayment.

Signed,
Disgusted and hot in payroll

€uroMeinke

09-04-2007, 07:59 PM

Dear Management:

Team building is great - but why is it always in the form of going to a ball game? I'll go because I know how much you bad-mouth those who choose to stay behind and label them as "not team players." but I'll be just as clueless as them as to what the hell is happening, who's at bat, or why it might have significance. I may even drink your beer - but afterwards, I'm heading to the park where I'll have a mint chip ice cream on a waffle cone - alone but much happier for it.

blueerica

09-04-2007, 08:42 PM

Dear Weather;

Thank you for cooling off, but you've gotta knock it off with the humidity. Thigh sweat on the chair is far from attractive.

Thanks in advance,

Erica

Dear Amazon,

Thanks for making me look like a bigger douche than I already am. Yes, I forgot to note that there was no CD. Yes, I'd love to have been able to email the buyer ASAP and offer to refund immediately. If the buyer wanted it still, I'd expedite it tomorrow as he/she originally asked and paid for. But no - your stupid system has me checking in on it after two hours, so it will show up with the customer info. So, I couldn't even send anything if I wanted to. No matter what, I'm screwed, as are all the other people who are affected by your bug.

I hope you're doing what you can to notify buyers of the problem. Oh, and I hope this doesn't affect MY textbook purchases from your website. Lame.

No thanks,

Erica

lashbear

09-04-2007, 09:04 PM

Dear virgins of the world:

Thanks for nothing.

Sincerely,
All the straight guys

Dear Kevy Baby,

Thanks for nothin' (except that playboy bunny pic)

Cheers, Queers,
All the Bears.

Mousey Girl

09-04-2007, 10:09 PM

Dear Me,

While I totally appreciate the work you've been doing, ridding David's old bathroom of all the black crud on the walls and ceiling, please make sure you ventilate the room properly the next time you spray that bleachy concoction.

Sincerly,
Your lungs and burning eyes.

Gemini Cricket

09-04-2007, 10:26 PM

Dear Abby,

Mind your own business, Buttinski.

Sincerely,
Surly in Cincinnatti

:D

JWBear

09-04-2007, 10:49 PM

Dear MG,

Oooo... I feel your pain! Once, while cleaning the shower, I mistook the bottle of bleach mildew remover for the bathroom cleaner. I nearly coughed up a lung.

RStar

09-04-2007, 11:03 PM

Dear Your lungs and burning eyes,

It clearly says on the back of my bottle to use with plenty of ventilation. Also, to not use while in a cleaning rage while thinking of complete Aholes. But I guess you missed the fine print through the burning of the surrounding mucus membranes after you made the first squeeze of my pump. Sorry about that!

Your bottle of X19

Mousey Girl

09-05-2007, 06:41 AM

Dear bottle of X19...Bite me.

Signed,
Thanks for stating the obvious.

Moonliner

09-05-2007, 06:53 AM

Dear Females:

OK, I get it. You like to speak in code. "Where would you like to go to dinner?", I ask. "Oh I don't care" , you reply. Meaning of course you want to go anywhere but where I want to go (ie the Hungry Heifer). It's genetic with you lot and it's not going to change. I can live with that.

But why can't you seem to understand that we do not speak in code? "Hey babe, I'm going to bed early tonight" means "I'm tired and I'm going to bed early tonight". When you ask my opinion between Ivory, Off white and eggshell my reply of "I don't care, pick the one you like" it means "pick the one you like". It is NOT code for "I need more choices to select from".

Ponine

09-05-2007, 09:24 AM

Dear Traci;
Did you ever notice that I in fact posted pictures of YOUR dogs?
I was very sad that you did not see them before you logged off that day.

Dear Moonliner,
Sometimes, men DO speak in code. Honey, I think we should go to bed early tonight, can very often mean, Honey, I dont want to watch tv today, I would very much like to go to bed early and practice the horizontal tango with you.

Sincerly,
Ponine

Kevy Baby

09-05-2007, 10:06 AM

Dear Everyone

Hi

Kevin

Ponine

09-05-2007, 11:01 AM

Dear HR supervisor and his lackey,
If I have the information that tells me, steps A and B must be done before an employee reports to the site,
and the site calls me and says, Hey, Teresa is here, and she has no ID #, to me that means, steps A and B are not done.
When I tell you, Teresa is at work, but all the steps are not done, DO NOT take it upon yourselves to tell me that it is not my business. Either the steps are done, or she is not cleared to be around children. Plain and simple.
YES, it is my business. The site called ME.

You are not exempt from the system, and I know that you are not.
You cannot change the rules to your whim and fancy, neither can I.
FIX IT, dont tell me to not worry about it.
Signed, VERY frustrated in payroll.

JWBear

09-05-2007, 11:08 AM

Dear Mooliner,

That is one of the advantages to being gay... :)

Morrigoon

09-05-2007, 11:57 AM

Dear author of Violent Acres (http://www.violentacres.com/),

I particularly loved your recent piece on the dangers of out-of-control children (http://www.violentacres.com/archives/232/out-of-control-children-are-safety-hazards-in-public-places). Reminded me of my days working Indy, it really did. Well, except the part about the waitress getting 57 stitches. That really sucks.

Keep writing!

Morrigoon

Moonliner

09-05-2007, 12:03 PM

Dear Traci;

Dear Moonliner,
Sometimes, men DO speak in code. Honey, I think we should go to bed early tonight, can very often mean, Honey, I dont want to watch tv today, I would very much like to go to bed early and practice the horizontal tango with you.

Sincerly,
Ponine

Yeah, but in that case the answer is always no anyway.....

Dear Mooliner,

That is one of the advantages to being gay... :)

Could be the best argument yet for that point of view....

BarTopDancer

09-05-2007, 12:50 PM

Dear co-worker,

I respect your desire to eat 2 frozen meals at lunch time. I really do. But it is super duper rude to put one in the microwave and then put the other one in right after that - especially when there is a line and they take 7 minutes each to cook. Now, you may be able to eat a meal in 7 minutes but please, let the rest of us have a shot of the microwave too.

Thank you,

Your office.

Ponine

09-05-2007, 02:34 PM

Yeah, but in that case the answer is always no anyway.....

Dear Moonliner,
Please inform the men on the west coast that answering no is in fact an option.

~me

katiesue

09-05-2007, 03:54 PM

Moonliner

09-05-2007, 04:07 PM

Dear whoever is in charge of my spam filter,

You're letting in e-mail with things like f**k in the title but reservation confirmations from hotel and car services you hold back. Please reverse the situation as I need the confirmaitons sooner than three days later.

Sincerely,
Frustrated Admin

What ya using? I've resolved some similar issue with the corporate version of Norton Anti-Spam and might be able to help.....

BarTopDancer

09-05-2007, 04:16 PM

Dear Work,

I have homework to do. If you would kindly back off and let me do said homework I would really appreciate it.

Thank you

katiesue

09-05-2007, 04:22 PM

What ya using? I've resolved some similar issue with the corporate version of Norton Anti-Spam and might be able to help.....

Mailfrontier. It's installed at the server level I can't make any modifications other than to unjunk things. But I can take hours/days for the e-mail I need to appear in the junk e-mail thingie they send so I can unjunk it.

Kevy Baby

09-05-2007, 05:06 PM

Dear: adjective, -er, -est, noun, adverb, interjection
–adjective1.beloved or loved: a dear friend.
2.(used in the salutation of a letter as an expression of affection or respect or as a conventional greeting): Dear Sir.
3.precious in one's regard; cherished: our dearest possessions.
4.heartfelt; earnest: one's dearest wish.
5.high-priced; expensive: The silk dress was too dear.
6.charging high prices: That shop is too dear for my budget.
7.excessive; high: a dear price to pay for one's independence.
8.Obsolete. difficult to get; scarce.
9.Obsolete. worthy; honorable.
–noun
10.a person who is good, kind, or generous: You're a dear to help me with the work.
11.a beloved one.
12.(sometimes initial capital letter) an affectionate or familiar term of address (sometimes offensive when used to a stranger, subordinate, etc.)
–adverb
13.dearly; fondly.
14.at a high price: That painting cost me dear.
–interjection
15.(used as an exclamation of surprise, distress, etc.): Oh dear, what a disappointment! Dear me! What's all that noise?

Capt Jack

09-05-2007, 07:32 PM

hmm..."dear" based on the above, doesnt seem to fit so...

ignorant lackwits,

stop spray painting my (effing) front wall! if you want your name on my front wall so (gosh darn) bad then get a job and buy my (effing) house! you know (durn) well and (effing) good I'll paint over it within an hour of finding your (steer manure), so pointless and futile are a couple of new words you'll want to have explained to you by a grownup!

sometimes you make me long for the barbaric days of a 12ga and a handful of rocksalt

go (poop) in your own yard (sphincter)

the management

wow...I feel better :D

RStar

09-05-2007, 09:36 PM

Mousey Girl

09-06-2007, 12:07 AM

Dear school district,

I am thrilled that you are the only district in Bakersfield to use the myshcoollunch.com program. My only question is why I didn't get an email from you telling my that Nick's lunch id number was invalid. I don't need him to get free lunches, only for your stupid website to work properly. I used the Id he has had since kindergarten. This was the only Id I had for him. If it wasn't right you should have let me know, along with the correct Id to use.

I am not neglecting my financial responsibilities, I honestly thought I had already paid.

Signed,
Pissy Parent Patrol

Morrigoon

09-06-2007, 12:30 AM

Dear Pavarotti,

Thanks for the music

Sincerely,

The World

Kevy Baby

09-06-2007, 09:05 AM

Dear Management,

Please print this out and paste it to said wall. They will most likely paint over it, but perhaps they will think about it later, you never know!

On second thought, you have to have a brain to think.

Signed,

Never mind.Dear RStar

Methinks that the only thing said posting would accomplish would be to fuel said morons into MORE annoying activity - there would be no thinking about it later.

Sad but true.

Love,
KB

JWBear

09-06-2007, 10:06 AM

Dear Clueless Employee,

When I come to your desk to find out why you haven’t turned in your August Statistics yet, don’t just sit there and tell me it’s because you just moved desks and can’t get in to the computer to print a report you need in order to complete your statistics. Get off your lazy, good for nothing ass and print the report from another computer!

Thank you.

Morrigoon

09-06-2007, 11:22 AM

Dear Stomach,

Lunch isn't for another hour. Kindly shut up.

katiesue

09-06-2007, 12:42 PM

Dear Sony,

Why must you make such a silly ipod interface. As much as I love the song Always by Bowling for Soup, hearing it each time I start the car because you automaticaly re-set to the first song in alphabetical order is kinda getting on my nerves. Finding the song I was listening to every time I start the car is getting a little bit old.

Always,
Me

katiesue

09-06-2007, 12:43 PM

Dear Maddy,

Where the heckily schmeck did you put the stereo remote? I can't find it anywhere in the car.

Love,
Mommy

BarTopDancer

09-06-2007, 12:50 PM

Dear Mommy,

If you are going to ask me questions via LoT I think it's time I had my own iTouch, so I can access the LoT wherever I am.

Love,

Your favorite daughter

katiesue

09-06-2007, 01:12 PM

Dearest Daughter,

You have already stated your need for an iPhone but you did say you were "waiting for the prices do go down". And as I said then, when you get a job you can have whatever phone/iPod you'd like.

Love,
Mommy

Ghoulish Delight

09-06-2007, 01:41 PM

katiesue

09-06-2007, 01:48 PM

Dear Mom,

Prices have gone down.

Dear Maddy,

Clean you room for once, empty the dishwasher and then we'll chat. And since that'll never happen, not really an issue.

Love,
Mommy

BarTopDancer

09-06-2007, 01:49 PM

Dear Maddy,

Clean you room for once, empty the dishwasher and then we'll chat. And since that'll never happen, not really an issue.

Love,
Mommy

Dear KatieSue,

Can I take you up on that offer? :p

Cadaverous Pallor

09-06-2007, 01:49 PM

Dear GD:

I am going to start using "heckily schmeck" in normal conversation. Be prepared.

Much love,
Your Annoying Wife.

Cadaverous Pallor

09-06-2007, 01:50 PM

Dear person who left a paper towel with a large lugey in it in the restroom trash and didn't even bother to wad up the towel so I had to see it in all its nasty glory:

Eww.

Revoltingly,
Jen

katiesue

09-06-2007, 01:51 PM

Dear KatieSue,

Can I take you up on that offer? :p

Dear BTD,

Of course. Honestly when you see the state of her room you won't do it either.

Regards,
KatieSue

Snowflake

09-06-2007, 01:55 PM

Dear Minder of Planet Alignment:

It's not been a good day and I'm sick of this, okay. So if there is something specific I need to do to realign the planets in my favor, help me out, will ya?

Snowflake

katiesue

09-06-2007, 02:01 PM

Dear GD:

I am going to start using "heckily schmeck" in normal conversation. Be prepared.

Much love,
Your Annoying Wife.

Feel free to use my other favorite - flipity flip and it's stronger counterpart -flipity flip flip flip.

BarTopDancer

09-06-2007, 02:15 PM

Dear Scotty and Teemu,

Make up your frelling mind already!

Signed,

Ducks Fans everywhere

Capt Jack

09-06-2007, 02:16 PM

Kevy Baby

09-06-2007, 03:28 PM

BarTopDancer

09-06-2007, 03:48 PM

Dear Kevin,

Details, smheetails.

Snowflake

09-06-2007, 03:54 PM

Dear Snowflake,

The Minder of Planet Alignment is not available to take your call. Please leave your message after the tone and The Minder of Planet Alignment with get back to you as soon as possible.

Recording 1762

*beep*

I do wonder which level of Dante's Inferno I'm currently residing at?

Well, I found out here (http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-test.mv)*

The wretched King Minos has decided your fate. His tale wraps around his body 3 times.
The sweet light no longer strikes against your eyes. Your shade has been banished to... the Third Level of Hell!
Third Level of Hell

In the third circle, you find yourself amidst eternal rain, maledict, cold, and heavy. The gluttons are punished here, lying in the filthy mixture of shadows and of putrid water. Because you consumed in excess, you meet your fate beneath the cold, dirty rain, amidst the other souls that there lay unhappily in the stinking mud. Cerebus, a canine monster cruel and uncouth with his three heads and red eyes, dwells in this level. He growls and tears at the damned with his teeth and claws.

Hmm, yeah, yummy

*Excuse me if this questionnaire has been posted before, I'm too slothful to look and this probably knocks down one more level.

Ghoulish Delight

09-06-2007, 04:01 PM

Dear Helen of Troy,

See you in hell baby. Your place of eternal damnation or mine?

- "Girthy" Delight

The wretched King Minos has decided your fate. His tale [sic.] wraps around his body 2 times.

The sweet light no longer strikes against your eyes. Your shade has been banished to... the Second Level of Hell!

Second Level of Hell

You have come to a place mute of all light, where the wind bellows as the sea does in a tempest. This is the realm where the lustful spend eternity. Here, sinners are blown around endlessly by the unforgiving winds of unquenchable desire as punishment for their transgressions. The infernal hurricane that never rests hurtles the spirits onward in its rapine, whirling them round, and smiting, it molests them. You have betrayed reason at the behest of your appetite for pleasure, and so here you are doomed to remain. Cleopatra and Helen of Troy are two that share in your fate.

blueerica

09-06-2007, 04:18 PM

Dear Lady-driving-while-talking-on-your-cell -

You are actually worse than any other driver I've seen talking on their phone, and that's saying a lot. You were braking for no reason at all. While I get annoyed with anyone holding their phone to their ear while driving, for the most part I can deal, but in this case I would have been in my right mind to honk my horn non-stop until you got off. But I didn't.

Get a Clue,

Erica

Dear Nimrods in my class -

I know that it's hard to understand the teacher. She's from China and she just finished her PhD, got a job at CSULB and it's her first week teaching anyone anything. She's super smart, but you're too busy being confused by nonsense to see that. Instead of being slightly more patient, you've resorted to making jokes and trying to trick her into saying what she doesn't mean to say. You've flustered her, and it's wasting my time. I would probably not be so annoyed if it was the slightest bit funny. You, the collective group of men, should be ashamed that you'd be so unabashedly lame. Even when I tried to help clarify what she was saying about our project (which I "got" by using something called patience) you decided to talk over me.

Hope you f*ck up your project, a$$holes.

Erica

AllyOops!

09-06-2007, 04:26 PM

Dear Shelby,

I still can't believe you're gone. I just filled your little tummy with treats yesterday. I loved you so much, and I still do. It was like you were my own puppy. After losing both of my labrador retrievers, it was such an amazing feeling having a little lab just like you in my life.

You reminded me so much of my little snow pea, who will have passed away two years now in November. However, you definitely had your own little sparkling & charming personality. You had me wrapped around your little paw. Your sweet eyes melted me every single time that I saw you.You may have been my Boss's dog, but you were mine, too. Everyday you visited me & stayed inside of my office & you were the brightest part of my day.

When I came to work this morning and looked for you, I couldn't believe you were gone. I know that you were 18 yrs. old, but you had the spirit of a puppy. You seemed just fine yesterday. Especially when you stole those treats I had hidden for you out of my bag.

I can't believe I didn't get the chance to say goodbye. I'm crying all over again. Golly, I miss you.

You are in God's loving care now. Have fun playing with my little snow pea & Doc. I'm sure they greeted you with wagging tails & lots of kisses.

I love you,

~Michelle ("Ally")

Snowflake

09-06-2007, 04:48 PM

[FONT="Georgia"]Dear Shelby,
...

Awww, Ally, I am so sorry. {{{hugs}}}

JWBear

09-06-2007, 05:03 PM

Dear friends,

I'm going to the Seventh Level...

The Dante's Inferno Test has banished you to the Seventh Level of Hell!

Seventh Level of Hell

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Guarded by the Minotaur, who snarls in fury, and encircled within the river Phlegethon, filled with boiling blood, is the Seventh Level of Hell. The violent, the assasins, the tyrants, and the war-mongers lament their pitiless mischiefs in the river, while centaurs armed with bows and arrows shoot those who try to escape their punishment. The stench here is overpowering. This level is also home to the wood of the suicides- stunted and gnarled trees with twisting branches and poisoned fruit. At the time of final judgement, their bodies will hang from their branches. In those branches the Harpies, foul birdlike creatures with human faces, make their nests. Beyond the wood is scorching sand where those who committed violence against God and nature are showered with flakes of fire that rain down against their naked bodies. Blasphemers and sodomites writhe in pain, their tongues more loosed to lamentation, and out of their eyes gushes forth their woe. Usurers, who followed neither nature nor art, also share company in the Seventh Level.

Here is how you matched up against all the levels:
Level | Score
Purgatory | Very Low
Level 1 - Limbo | Very Low
Level 2 | Very High
Level 3 | Very High
Level 4 | High
Level 5 | Very High
Level 6 - The City of Dis | Very High
Level 7 | Very High
Level 8- the Malebolge | High
Level 9 - Cocytus | High

Level descriptions: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-information.html
Take the test: http://www.4degreez.com/misc/dante-inferno-test.mv

I guess I'll have to work a little harder if I want to get to the ninth level.

Kevy Baby

09-06-2007, 05:31 PM

Is it possible to be on level 4-3/4?

katiesue

09-06-2007, 05:36 PM

(((Ally))) Aww so sorry.

Gemini Cricket

09-06-2007, 05:50 PM

Dear Bush,

You're not 'kicking a$s'. You are the a$s.

Sincerely,
Brad
:D

3894

09-06-2007, 05:53 PM

Oh, Ally. I'm so sorry for your loss.

Dear Grocery Store Clerk:

Thank you for carding me today! It made my entire month.

Signed,
Helen

alphabassettgrrl

09-06-2007, 05:56 PM

**hugs** Ally.

Kevy Baby

09-06-2007, 05:56 PM

Dear Helen

Were they making sure you were old enough to buy the products you were purchasing or to see if you qualified for the senior citizen discount?

With Love,
The Bubble Burster

3894

09-06-2007, 06:01 PM

Dear Helen

Were they making sure you were old enough to buy the products you were purchasing or to see if you qualified for the senior citizen discount?

With Love,
The Bubble Burster

Dear Kevy,

http://martha-y-cesar.com/cuatroychiquita/images/120-778-12-cuatro-bite-me.JPG

Mwah!,
Helen

Snowflake

09-06-2007, 06:05 PM

Visible mojo to you 3894 aka Helen, the carded one

tracilicious

09-06-2007, 06:05 PM

Dear Rock Music and Culture class,

You sounded cool, but you are actually three hours long. Which is nearly unbearable. I don't want to go, but I also don't want to fail. I haven't read the assigned chapter either. I feel as if I'm in high school again. I wish it was dance class night.

boredly,
Me

tracilicious

09-06-2007, 06:08 PM

Dear legs,

I know that I put you through a grueling two hour karate class on Tuesday, and a pretty intense dance class on Wednesday, but really...could you be less stiff please? I like being sore, it let's me know I still have muscles, but this is unreasonable. I'm walking funny. That's not cool.

Thanks,
your brain

Kevy Baby

09-06-2007, 06:18 PM

Dear Kevy,

http://martha-y-cesar.com/cuatroychiquita/images/120-778-12-cuatro-bite-me.JPG

Mwah!,
HelenI love it!

BarTopDancer

09-06-2007, 06:31 PM

Dear Kevy,

http://martha-y-cesar.com/cuatroychiquita/images/120-778-12-cuatro-bite-me.JPG

Mwah!,
Helen

Dear everyone,

Cover your ears and thank Kevy for this:

PUPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!!

Prudence

09-06-2007, 06:39 PM

Dear self-important director who won't speak to me directly because I'm too lowly to be acknowledged:

You are a public employee. Your salary is a matter of public record. People all over the world can look up your salary. I've indulged you by sending you your monthly budget reports in an envelope upon which I hand-write "confidential". I will not, however, purchase a special "confidential" stamp solely for the purpose of sending you your public records. If morale in your office is so low that the only thing preventing your employees from rising against you in violent revolt is ignorance of your true salary, then you have problems a "confidential" stamp can not solve.

No love,

Lowly budget flunky.

Kevy Baby

09-06-2007, 06:57 PM

Cover your ears and thank Kevy for this:Somehow, it is always my fault

Mousey Girl

09-06-2007, 07:58 PM

Dear Sweet Man on the other ned of my work phone,

You are incredibly nice, and I truly enjoyed helping you and talking to you over the last 2 days. Yes, I do understand that you were flirting with me. It really lifted my spirits. However, I am no where near the point where I can be open to any sort of romantic interest. In my present state of mind, getting involved with anyone is truly out of my realm of thinking right now. not only do I need to focus on The Boy, I also have a lot of crap to sift through. Being invovled with me would not be a good idea for you.

Signed,
very flattered

Not Afraid

09-06-2007, 08:06 PM

Dear person talking on the phone while driving.

That U-turn would go quite a bit better - not to mention faster - if you used 2 hands.

Signed,

Has a bluetooth headset and doesn't have this problem.

Capt Jack

09-06-2007, 08:07 PM

Your shade has been banished to... the Second Level of Hell!

Dear GD

see ya there
:(

Capt Jack

Morrigoon

09-06-2007, 09:26 PM

Dear Trader Joe,

I would like to thank you for the dinner I cooked myself tonight. You see, it featured that amazing chicken and mango sausage you had your employees cooking up at the back of your store. Though, to be honest, I think its flavors were wasted on the jambalaya she was making and, yes, even in my pasta. Short of sauteeing it with onions and peppers and enjoying it on a roll of pretzel bread, I'm not sure anything could do it justice.

So, from the bottom of my very stuffed little tum-tum, I thank you.

Sincerely,
Me

tracilicious

09-06-2007, 09:32 PM

Dear Motherfvckers,

Fvck off! Asshats.

fvckily,
Traci

GusGus

09-06-2007, 10:37 PM

dear tracilicious,

feel better?

me

BarTopDancer

09-06-2007, 10:49 PM

Dear my Spanish teacher -

It would have been nice to tell us the homework is due the weekend of the test, instead of the day the test opens (per the syllabus). I could have gone out and had fun tonight instead of busting my butt to get it done.

Signed,

a frustrated student.

p.s. it is a lot of work and while we have 2 weeks to do it some of us have other classes and jobs.

Dear Gus Gus,

Good to see you!!!!

DreadPirateRoberts

09-06-2007, 10:58 PM

Dear Bailarín Superior De La Barra,

Lo Siento

Signed,

Your Spanish Teacher

Kevy Baby

09-06-2007, 11:03 PM

Dear Prudence

Won't you come out to play?

Signed,
John and Paul

BarTopDancer

09-06-2007, 11:04 PM

Dear LoT:

Erica likes college football.

Signed,

A troublemaker.

libraryvixen

09-07-2007, 06:56 AM

Dear Accounting Prof,

If you happen to make a mistake again, post a 110 question "quiz" and I take it again... give me the flippin grade! I took the test in the hour and a half time limit, answered all the questions and got a B+. That's gotta count for something! Instead, you erased the grade and I had to take your 30 question quiz. Ugh.

Sincerely,

Your student

Kevy Baby

09-07-2007, 07:07 AM

Dear Stupid Neighbor

Thank you for not securing your wireless network so that I have internet access while my modem decides it no longer wants to work.

KB

libraryvixen

09-07-2007, 10:02 AM

Dear Weight,

Would you please leave so I can look hot in a cute sweater and jeans?

Love,
Rena

Ponine

09-07-2007, 10:17 AM

Dear Weight,

Would you please leave so I can look hot in a cute sweater and jeans?

Love,
Rena

Dear Excess Weight,
Please find another home, on anotehr body so that Rena and I may look hot in whatever the hell we choose to wear.
The cute sweater is a bonus. How about a tiny sundress?

With Love,
LibraryVixen and Ponine

LSPoorEeyorick

09-07-2007, 11:00 AM

Dear weight,

Love that vintage-style dress on you! I'll take you swimming this weekend.

Love,
LSPE

Ponine

09-07-2007, 11:02 AM

Dear shopping gods,
LSPE always has totally cute clothes, could you send some to San Diego and Manteca so that Rena and I may buy them?
Somehow her stores are better stocked.

Love , ME

SacTown Chronic

09-07-2007, 11:04 AM

Dear weight,

There will be more of you after Sunday's sausage-fest Rib Fest Football Spectacular. I look forward to meeting your friends.

Jason

Capt Jack

09-07-2007, 11:14 AM

Dear workplace,

See you saturday. If I dont get caught up soon, we could be seeing a lot of each other.

CJ

Morrigoon

09-07-2007, 11:23 AM

Dear CNN.com,

I don't know who you think you are impressing with the videos on your website. Placing an inventory of all 4:3 aspect ratio footage into a 16:9 widescreen player does not fool me into thinking that I'm watching your web clips on a plasma tv. What it does do is distort the features of your anchor so that an otherwise pretty girl appears grotesque and horribly distorted.

If you're going to run a widescreen player, film your clips in widescreen, otherwise, please get a normal player embedded on your site that does not distort the image. With no widescreen clips, your widescreen player is completely pointless.

~Me

BarTopDancer

09-07-2007, 11:25 AM

Dear body,

Please stop hurting.

Thank you,

- Me

Ghoulish Delight

09-07-2007, 11:35 AM

Dear Apple and/or Microsoft.

Wake up and fix the freaking Vista iTunes bugs.

Sincerely,
Half of America

Nephythys

09-07-2007, 12:27 PM

Dear Bush,

You're not 'kicking a$s'. You are the a$s.

Sincerely,
Brad
:D

Dear Brad,

I agree with you- just not for the same reasons.

Signed,
A Fed-Up Conservative

CoasterMatt

09-07-2007, 12:34 PM

BarTopDancer

09-07-2007, 12:47 PM

Dear Matt,

Paying bills on time is over-rated.

Signed,

Paryoll.

libraryvixen

09-07-2007, 01:33 PM

Dear Apple and/or Microsoft.

Wake up and fix the freaking Vista iTunes bugs.

Sincerely,
Half of America

Dear GD,

Feeling the iTunes pain with you!

Sincerely,

Rena

Ponine

09-07-2007, 01:38 PM

Dear payroll department,
You've had your extra day off for the holiday, WHERE'S MY FREAKIN' PAYCHECK!?!?!
I'm sure I'll be filling out some kind of descrepency form, since you can't seem to get anything right, despite 3 different checks for accuracy BEFORE the timekeeper info is sent to you.

Signed,
Nobody that really NEEDS to pay any bills...

Dear payroll supervisor,
See how they treat us? THis is NOT uncommon.

signed,
Not intending to irritate CM, but an otherwise unhappy payroll tech.

Prudence

09-07-2007, 01:39 PM

Dear Seattle University Moot Court Board:

Bite me.

No love,
Pru

Capt Jack

09-10-2007, 04:34 PM

dear weekend

Im so sorry you werent able to stay longer. your visit was a welcomed relief from your cousin 'weekday's oh-too-long stay. I only wish we'd been able to accomplish more than we did.

I miss you. come again soon

CJ

Morrigoon

09-10-2007, 04:49 PM

Dear weekend,

Where the hell were you the last two days? I waited and waited, but you never came. But never fear, I managed to keep busy with work while I waited.

Missing you,

Morri

Ghoulish Delight

09-10-2007, 04:58 PM

Dear stomach,

Piss off, tubby. That sandwich was plenty of food, I don't want to hear any grumbling from you. You can freaking wait until dinner.

Hungrily yours,
-Will Power

CoasterMatt

09-10-2007, 04:59 PM

Dear Ponine,

Please come work for our payroll department. Free cookies and coffee (sorry, it's just Starbucks).

Signed,
CoasterMatt

BarTopDancer

09-10-2007, 06:08 PM

Dear remote access using Senior Manager:

We just had a ton of layoffs because business is slow. A new laptop will be close to $3k. Your laptop is fine, it is user error. We know you want a new one, but by flat our refusing to do what we request to troubleshoot your issue so you can get one is not the way.

Signed,

Really freeking annoyed IT girl

Kevy Baby

09-10-2007, 06:15 PM

Dear remote access using Senior Manager:

We just had a ton of layoffs. A new laptop will be close to $3k. Your laptop is fine, it is user error. We know you want a new one, but by flat our refusing to do what we request to troubleshoot your issue so you can get one is not the way.

Signed,

Really freeking annoyed IT girlDear Really freeking annoyed IT girl

I'll bet Señor Manager will get his new laptop.

Signed,
Knows how Señor Managers can be

BarTopDancer

09-10-2007, 06:25 PM

Dear Kevin,

I bet you're right. But not because of my managers deciding to appease him. They know what he wants and they won't go for it. They will have to be (and probably will be) directed by the Pres to get him the new laptop.

€uroMeinke

09-10-2007, 07:12 PM

Dear remote access using Senior Manager:

If your laptop should some how get damaged, we'll have to replace it. Fitness experts suggest using the stair instead of the elevator to get a mini-workout during the day.

Department of Creative Destruction

blueerica

09-10-2007, 07:29 PM

Dear Julieta Venegas,

Why is it only now I've heard you? I understand that you sing in Spanish, and that might be an instant turn-off to some - but I just so happened to be flipping around stations and caught you on LATV. Your voice and style is unique, quirky, and beautiful. You've won Grammys? How come you never told me? Oh, they were Latin Grammys... So what, I like you anyway. I think I'm going to either download you on iTunes if I can find your, or I'm going to have to find your album.

Con carino
Erica

Dear LoT,

If you're wondering who in the hell Julieta Venegas in, click here (http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aVVqdNOaFTk). If I'm late to the game, tell me - because she was a pleasant surprise to catch live... on TV.

Sincerely,
Erica

Capt Jack

09-10-2007, 07:41 PM

Dear Erica,

Thanks for that. Dont feel bad, Ive never heard of her either, but yeah...very cool. I'll have to check that out myself. (notice I didnt mention how cute she is.)

Capt Jack

PS: LoT. For those of us spanish impared, Me voy = I go away (according to the translator) which I would assume is more like "Im leaving"

Just thought I'd save you a trip ;)

CJ

libraryvixen

09-10-2007, 09:08 PM

Dear Teens I've wrangled for my Advisory board,

Thank you for surprising me in a happy way. You're normally obnoxious and loud, but today, you were all willing to pitch in and help me plan the Halloween Carnival for the kids. You've made my transition to this new branch a happy one and I can't thank you enough. I can't wait to see what else we can all do!

Sincerely,

your friendly neighborhood library girl

BarTopDancer

09-11-2007, 08:02 AM

Moonliner

09-11-2007, 08:12 AM

Dear teens we saw at Togo's yesterday.

I really hope deep down inside you are like LBs teens. Because those dirty looks you were giving us as we left yesterday were really amusing. You may think you're hotter than we are... but we can party legally.

Signed,

Lovin my age

Heh, March 6, 1996. That's the day I became invisible to all teens. My classification went from "random adult" to "parent" and in a teen view of the world all parents are to be avoided at all times.

BarTopDancer

09-11-2007, 08:36 AM

Heh, March 6, 1996. That's the day I became invisible to all teens. My classification went from "random adult" to "parent" and in a teen view of the world all parents are to be avoided at all times.

Except we're not parents!

I do remember the day I became a "some lady" though. "Mom, some lady is [blah blah blah]".

JWBear

09-11-2007, 08:43 AM

Dear Countless Hordes Driving the 22,

Get off my freeway!!! You’ve made me late to work twice already this week, and it’s only Tuesday! I left 15 minutes earlier this morning, and you still made me late! What’s your freekin problem, people?!?!

Kevy Baby

09-11-2007, 09:10 AM

Except we're not parents!

I do remember the day I became a "some lady" though. "Mom, some lady is [blah blah blah]".Have you been called "Ma'am" yet? That's always a fun one!

Dear Countless Hordes Driving the 22,

Get off my freeway!!! You’ve made me late to work twice already this week, and it’s only Tuesday! I left 15 minutes earlier this morning, and you still made me late! What’s your freekin problem, people?!?!Did yuo cause that nasty accident at Beach this morning?

wendybeth

09-11-2007, 09:35 AM

I was 'ma'am'ed' when I was only 19, and by some old fart no less. (He had to have been at least 30). It was horrible.

BarTopDancer

09-11-2007, 09:47 AM

I get "ma'am'ed" a lot. It doesn't bother me.

Ponine

09-11-2007, 09:49 AM

Dear Ponine,

Please come work for our payroll department. Free cookies and coffee (sorry, it's just Starbucks).

Signed,
CoasterMatt

Dear CoasterMatt,
Why do I fear that payroll for a major theme park and payroll for a large school district are very similar in stress levels?
Though you have cookies, I have no cookies. I am the provider of all sugar snacks and popcorn in my office.
Cookies would be a nice change.
How's the parking situation?

Ponine

mousepod

09-11-2007, 11:53 AM

Dear Time Warner Cable,

Thank you for not giving me the latest cable box, even though you stock them. It's much easier for me to go to your office and exchange the older one your installer gave me than to have had one in the first place.

Sarcastically,
Your new slave

Moonliner

09-11-2007, 02:00 PM

Dear users of Internet Fourms:

Is there a name for this syndrome?

You post a quick offhand comment on some subject you don't really give a rats ass about and then end up getting draw into a detailed set of replies, comments, explanations and extrapolations to the point where it appears to others that this idoit subject is the be-all end-all of your world?

It needs a name.

Kevy Baby

09-11-2007, 02:01 PM

It has a name: Insanity

Not Afraid

09-11-2007, 02:05 PM

No, I think it's called "hitting a nerve in the midst of a discussion".

Ghoulish Delight

09-11-2007, 02:08 PM

Snowflake

09-11-2007, 02:12 PM

To the Honorable Comissioner of Patent and Trademarks:

Dear Sir:

The new rules about to go into effect in November, really suck.

My brain hurts just looking at the hoops the Applicant (i.e., me, the assistant to the Patent Attorney who represents the Applicant) will have to jump through to file a Patent Application. May I be so bold to ask, just what the hell will the Examiner's be doing from now on?

I thought the goal was to streamline the process, obviously not from this end. I see.

FU
a disgruntled patent assistant

Moonliner

09-11-2007, 02:13 PM

Tuesday.

Whew!

When I saw "Ghoulish Delight has just replied to a thread you have subscribed to entitled - Dear:" I was somehow expecting a reply like "It's called Moonlining". I'm glad I dodged that one...

JWBear

09-11-2007, 04:56 PM

Did yuo cause that nasty accident at Beach this morning?

Dear Kevy,

No. Not me. When was it? I don't remember passing an accident.

AllyOops!

09-11-2007, 05:48 PM

Dear Michelle/Ally/Whatever the hell your name is:

You begin work at 7:30 a.m. You are supposed to be out by 3:30, although that never, ever happens. It's now 5:49. Plus, you refuse to take a break all day long. You love to push & punish yourself! However, if your'e going to sneak in posts, you have to have extra time to make up the work, right? Right. Plus, you don't like leaving any "undone" projects on your desk. However, it will never end. There is a tomorrow, God willing. I know, I know, no ball should be dropped on your time, you nutjob.

You'll be working until 8.

Oh, by the way, what do you call it when your eyes are so sleepy & dry that they feel like potato chips? Your eyes are burning, and while the all-natural drops you put in them made them feel so soothed for all of a moment, they then began to burn so badly that your boss had to ask you what was wrong when he heard you howling with squinted eyes.

Go home. You leave after 5 every damn day. And rest those eyes. I know your'e whole world is work these days, but there are other facets, too. Like friends. Remember those?

Reel it in, girlfriend!

~Mich..All..me ;)

Kevy Baby

09-11-2007, 11:00 PM

Dear Kevy,

No. Not me. When was it? I don't remember passing an accident.Dear JWB

Heard about it on the traffic reports on my way in. Probably on the report around 8:00-8:30.

With Love,
Kevin

Morrigoon

09-11-2007, 11:27 PM

Dear Moonliner,

That'll teach you to get involved in a "breastfeeding in public" argument. (Oh wait, that was me)

-Me

********

Dear Kitty,

Though you lack a collar and seem very well behaved you also appear desperate to come inside our house. But I don't know if you have an owner, and I don't want to steal someone's cat. Please understand.

-Loving potential future owner

PS: Dude, you're breaking my boyfriend's heart

AllyOops!

09-11-2007, 11:34 PM

Dear Moonliner,

That'll teach you to get involved in a "breastfeeding in public" argument. (Oh wait, that was me)

-Me

I know. And it really hurt my feelings that you couldn't back the fact that I wanted to expose my funbags at Applebee's. It doesn't matter that they offer blankets for nursing privacy, oh hell to the no. It also doesn't matter that I've never had a child & I've never nursed. It was my right to lay those puppies out, to the left of those delicious simmering pepperjack fajitas. Asking the bewildered, blushing waiter if "he cared for a sample, and not the fajitas, buddy", was a fun topper to a lovely evening.

:D ;) :p