Battle of the sexes.... I'm curious

[Ponine]

It all started today, in a seemingly innocent real world conversation between full grown adults, well beyond the age of puberty.....

It seems that men, at least some, are not aware of the Female Code, or Female Network that can occur in the workplace, or other place where the same people meet on a repetative basis.

You know what I mean?
The fact that a given group of women will know which men are available,
Or which men are dating which women...

or The fact that if one woman asks another if Steve is available, that she is under no obligation to tell Steve who asked, even if he begs?

Does this not happen in anyone elses workplace?

I was always under the impression that there are groups of men who do similar.
Was I misled? Is it just MY friends?

Please discuss.... I am genuinely interested.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Women?

[Ponine]

Women?

I have no answer... other than.. are you asking if I only want women to respond?
Please no.. anyone.
Maybe its my friends that are psycho.

I know of groups of women, groups of straight men, and groups of gay men that all do this in their own ways....

[Ghoulish Delight]

No, I meant, "Women in the workplace, what'll they think of next?!"

There are about 22 people in my department. Exactly 2 are women, both are married. We have 3 buildings. In the building I'm in, which houses our engineering operations, there about 200 people, I'd estimate. I can probably sit here and name all of the women off the top of my head. It can't be more than 20-30.

The ratio is much different in the other two buildings (HR, sales, marketing, accounting, etc). But if I'm in those buildings I'm doing my job wrong.

So honestly, who's dating whom and who's available etc. is not a particularly hot topic of discussion among the men in this building. Perhaps there is talk amongst the women, but I'm oblivious to it if there is.

Meanwhile, just yesterday I was looking at a floor plan of our building and noticed one of the rooms labeled "Womens Lounge." It was nowhere near a restroom. I went and looked at it. It's a room that's always empty, large enough to be a conference room for maybe 5 people. It has one small desk and one crappy desk chair shoved into the back corner. I'm not sure I want a mens lounge.

[Strangler Lewis]

Are you sure you're not living in a dramedy?

I've been off the market for a long time, but I'm going to guess that men don't have a similar network. My sociological observation on the subject is that when I used to work in downtown SF and have lunch out a lot, every time--and I mean EVERY time--I sat next to two women eating together, their conversation was about some guy. When it was two guys, the conversation was much more varied. Generally work, sometimes sports, occasionally a girl.

[Strangler Lewis]

Meanwhile, just yesterday I was looking at a floor plan of our building and noticed one of the rooms labeled "Womens Lounge." It was nowhere near a restroom. I went and looked at it. It's a room that's always empty, large enough to be a conference room for maybe 5 people. It has one small desk and one crappy desk chair shoved into the back corner. I'm not sure I want a mens lounge.

Where my wife works, they have special rooms around the complex for nursing mothers to pump. It's much nicer than what you describe, though, and I don't believe it's euphemistically named.

[AllyOops!]

Aw! He said, she said, they said, we said. Isn't it just the best?

It's not just your friends, Ponine! I can honestly think of a bunch of situations where I have encountered the same thing, whether it be work, social, friends or what-have-you. Doesn't it seem like dating sometimes never moves beyond High School? It's just filled with a little less drama (not by much) and lots more sex. :p

I haven't noticed these discussions in a group of males, ever. Maybe they just choose not to discuss it with or around me. Mostly, my guy pals & fella coworkers are too busy talking about sex acts 24/7 to move onto anything beyond that, except maybe for discussing work. Or sports. Not one man has ever tapped me on the shoulder and tee-hee'd me about his new crush & if I could "pass it on". However, every "rule" has an exception!

I myself have never discussed who I "liked" or wanted to "date" mainly because I'm very shy and private with my life. I used to be more open, now I'm much more cautious. One of the things I love about my boyfriend was that when we met, it was strictly by meeting ourselves. I've never really had that before! We didn't work together or share the same friends. Best of all, I wasn't looking. I had decided to remain single forever and was so jaded! When I least expected it was when the magic occured. :blush:

However, you can meet your soulmate or just a fun person to date through friends or work. That happens to be the case in most situations.

I just love being a girl, and I just love men! I'm toasting to the sexes! :cheers:

[Ponine]

Ahh.. the infamous Womens Lounge aka someone sometime years ago.... had a baby, and needed someplace to pump milk.
So some other kind soul found a closet, put in carpet and a chair, and poof!!! Nursing mothers room.
Only... that was too... telling... so it had to be a LOUNGE.

And GD... that right there might be part of the issue. I'm in payroll. Almost totally women. twenty-four women and two men.
We are joined at the hip to HR.
HR has.... five men? And almost twice as many women.

and Strangler.... its not a dramedy.. I wish it were.
Its full on Spanish Telenovella

[Ghoulish Delight]

Are you sure you're not living in a dramedy?
When CP spent 2 months working at the yet-to-be-opened library, doing officy type work in an officy type environment rather than working in a functioning library in front of the public, she'd come home and tell stories that made me pretty sure she was actually commuting to Scranton, Ohio to work at Dunder Mifflin on NBC's The Office.

[Ponine]

Not one man has ever tapped me on the shoulder and tee-hee'd me about his new crush & if I could "pass it on". However, every "rule" has an exception!


Yes but in this case, it was one woman going to another woman asking if THAT GUY was available or not.
Now why anyone chose to TELL the guy someone was asking.... I have zero idea.

[Capt Jack]

I was always under the impression that there are groups of men who do similar.

other than the usual 'wow, shes hot' and variations on that, no, I dont believe the average male side of the scenario do that.

admittedly I wasnt exactly privy to such info over the last two decades, but even since I became 'suddenly single' Ive not seen or heard of a 'list' in the male circles. I just cant imagine the guys I know passing such info back and forth.

if anything, they keep the info to themselves for future reference

mi dos centavos

PS: besides, what would be so wrong with telling a guy "(female) was asking about you"?

[MouseWife]

I thought most of that was pretty much private info? {who is dating whom, etc.}

I think if there is a group of women who are on top of things, I would probably stay away from them, myself. Not always reliable information. Jaded? Twisted to fit their own agendas? I wouldn't want to be in their conversation.

I think guys like to be above all of that. They like to go home and have private lives {for the most part}.

From what I remember, I wasn't too happy to learn that a guy had talked about me at all and I would end things quite quickly. Perhaps most guys have learned this and decide to keep their lips zipped?

So are you saying a fellow was bugged to hear he was the topic of conversation?

I say, go to the source and find out if there is a connection on your own.

Hope I got the question right...

Oh, and the only place I've heard of a 'list' of any sort was hearing a friend talk about their church.....Or, what about the old single meets from MousePlanet?

[Ponine]

Case in point of my office being wacky...
someone just walked up to my desk to get a piece of chocolate....
"So Ponine, I've been meaning to ask you, are you in the market for another child, or have you just not found a willing donor?"

Okay look.....
a) I'm working. Well I was until I logged back into LoT
b) Donor? Umm.. donors arent usually hard to find.
c) None of your beeswax. :p

[MouseWife]

A male or female posed this question?

[Ponine]

So are you saying a fellow was bugged to hear he was the topic of conversation?

I say, go to the source and find out if there is a connection on your own.

Hope I got the question right...

Oh, and the only place I've heard of a 'list' of any sort was hearing a friend talk about their church.....Or, what about the old single meets from MousePlanet?
There is no REAL question.... I'm just curious.
The situation didnt really involve me, I merely heard about it second hand.

And the guy bugged... on one level no, and on another level, totally freaked out.

And see... there's a group of women who keep a mental list!!!

** and the question about a donor? A woman asked.

[Kevy Baby]

I really don't have a lot to add. I work in a company with only four others.

However, hearing the dating woes of the two single women here makes me glad to be happily married!

[katiesue]

I only have two people in my office most of the time. So that severly cuts down on the drama rama. When I've worked in larger offices my expierences have been similar to Ponine's.

[MouseWife]

LOL On one level not bugged but the other freaked out? LOL You can't even imagine what I am thinking. Does the woman have a reputation or something that has given him the willeys? ;0)

A woman asked? Bee-atch. Ooo, you need to give her a wedgie or something. Next time she quips something like that, tell her {and I am being nice 'cause you could throw in something about HER husband/boyfriend to be evil but....} 'Oh, plenty willing, none worthy'.

Or the other road 'In the market for another child? Wow, what a sad way to look at such a blessing'.

Eh, or just trip her as she walks away. :evil:

[innerSpaceman]

I have never experienced the male office equivalent of that, in my 20 years of office work.

Guys are generally not that open with one another. The talk is sometimes about 'isn't she hot?', but much more often about sports, work, and sometimes TV, once-in-a-while politics. Never dating.

It's a girl thing because it's more of a girl interest, and because boys (straight boys anyway) are generally too shallow to care to discuss anything about their lives.


I find most straight men to be incredible bores... and I'm really glad I'm not one.

[Ponine]

LOL On one level not bugged but the other freaked out? LOL You can't even imagine what I am thinking. Does the woman have a reputation or something that has given him the willeys? ;0)


See, you missed the key there. They wont tell him who asked about him.

[BarTopDancer]

Our building is 2 stories. Downstairs are all of our consultants (customer service reps) and it is mainly women. We call that area adult high school.

Doing what I do I know everyone and hang out with everyone. A month or so after I started I decided partake in salad day with some the consultants. That was the one and only time I ever ate lunch with that group. I was bombarded with questions about if I was single, married, what kind of guys I liked, who in the office I thought was cute, etc...

Upstairs there are several cliquish groups of women but they aren't nearly as bad as the ones downstairs. Like anything, I think it depends on the women and the group. I have a lot of guy friends and the most I ever hear out of them is daymn she's hot. I always offer to go get numbers for them but they always shoot me down...

[Ponine]

Now imo, consultants are a breed or species all unto their own.

Our consultants were from out of state, and all went from project to project together.
They all knew everyones business.
Someone said they only breed within their own.

I discount consultants. Esp groups of consultants in numbers under thirty, and mostly under the age of forty.

[Alex]

I have real interesting conversations with people at work, male and female, all of the time.

But generally I couldn't tell you who is married. Who is single, if anybody here is dating someone else here, or anything like that. But I couldn't say if that is because the network doesn't exit or if because I care so little people just don't offer the information.

I also don't tend to talk about myself because it is, generally, none of anybody else's business. And I don't ask because I honestly don't care and also it isn't any of my business. That's the reason when someone says "You you doing?" to me it honestly doesn't occur to me to respond in kind (I don't care how you're doing so why would I ask?).

[BarTopDancer]

Now imo, consultants are a breed or species all unto their own.

Our consultants were from out of state, and all went from project to project together.
They all knew everyones business.
Someone said they only breed within their own.

I discount consultants. Esp groups of consultants in numbers under thirty, and mostly under the age of forty.

Not that kind of consultant. The best way to explain it is that they are customer service representatives with a fancy title.

[MouseWife]

"they won't tell him who asked about him"

Oh, I see. Yes, I missed that. I thought you meant in general they don't tell.

Oh, well, if you talk with him I would tell him to get over it. If she comes forth, then he'll know. If she doesn't, he won't. Just go on as usual.

That is why no one should go through those channels. If you like someone, tell them. Or work it out in whatever way.

Am I old fashioned? Doesn't it still work this way?

And, yes, hearing people talking about dating I am quite glad to not be playing that game. I sat with my friend as she scouted out one of those on line dating sites. Too funny {and scary}. The men all put these really nice pictures but then their second/third ones looked nothing like the first ones. The women, well, meow! The things they said! The men whose stories I read were really normal sounding. The women, well, naughty naughty. ;)

Why is that?

[Alex]

As far as the "not telling who likes him" thing goes. Am I understanding correctly that he was told that some coworker asked if he was available but then somehow a code prevents revealing the rest?

If so that is just stupid high school drama making. If it is a secret, don't tell him anything. If it isn't just tell him. And then, when you do don't forget the note that says:

Cindy asked Mary to ask me to ask you if you like Margaret. Please check one:

Yes
No
Only if I'm drunk
Only if she's drunk

[katiesue]

You forgot - Sorry I could never get that drunk.

[Alex]

That would be "No" I think.

[MouseWife]

LOL You guys are so funny.

Funny that you mention high school and notes. I was in high school and this older guy was into me. I wasn't in to him but friendly with him {my friend knew him, was his neighbor} and he took us to a few parties.

After said parties, it became apparent, even to dense me, that he was into me. I was polite and let him know I wasn't interested. The next thing I know he has dropped off flowers {garden picked} with a note telling me he would like me to be his lady, check the box 'Yes' or 'No'. {this was a guy in his early 20s}

Well, it was a funny thing to see my two friends and I rolling in fits of laughter on her den floor. {it didn't stop him, sadly, persistant bugger}

So, Alex, maybe it is a guy thing, this note writing? :evil:

Sorry to derail....

[Ponine]

As far as the "not telling who likes him" thing goes. Am I understanding correctly that he was told that some coworker asked if he was available but then somehow a code prevents revealing the rest?


BINGO!!
Thats the version he's telling me anyway.
And dying to know who too.
But all I can say is, I dont know, i'm not part of their group, and they probobly wont tell you, because thats (in my experience) a standard female practice.


This is where this WHOLE curiosity of mine came from.

I said, She prob wont tell you who asked her. Some women are just like that.
Its the chick code.

And yes, i tried the... let it go theroy.

[katiesue]

So silly. I've never understood the whole someone likes you but I can't say who thing. It's like some 3rd grade power trip.

Reminds me of when I was an exchange student. I'd overhear something like this - german word, german word, german word, KATE, german word, german word (I landed knowing not a single word of german). So I'd ask someone what was said, as it obviously was about me and I'd always get "you don't want to know". Umm yes in fact I do. Drove me bonkers.

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

If a girl wants a friend to tell a co-worker that someone likes him without revealing that she's the one who likes him, that's a flash back to junior high school. And it's LAME.

If someone tells a friend that she likes a co-worker in confidence, and that friend decides to tease the co-worker about someone having a crush on him, that friend is flirting with violating a confidence without actually violating it. That is childish. And LAME.

If someone tells a friend that she likes a co-worker and specifically says not to mention anything about it to him, but the friend says something to him anyway, that's childish and a little mean. It's also totally LAME.

If two girls chat about a co-worker one of them fancies, even if it involves a bit o' recon and gossip to learn more about him, that's typical girl behavior in the work place and is a perfectly acceptable kind of high school lame, but it's not childish or LAME in all caps. Heh.

[Ponine]

You are so 'to the point'. I love you.
let me copy your post into word and go leave it on his desk. :snap:

[Prudence]

I generally work with women, but we don't have conversations like that. Not that I don't engage in relationship talk, but I don't play games about so-and-so has a crush and I'm not telling who. If we're going to engage in office gossip, it's usually about people or policies we don't like.

[Capt Jack]

poor bastard

[Ponine]

If we're going to engage in office gossip, it's usually about people or policies we don't like.
In my office thats not gossip, thats all out scream fests.
no one in my office can take anything with a grain of salt.

If we find a policy and this tech thinks is dumb, she all but rallies the troops to stand behind her and fight.

All well and good, but I mean really, after 15 minutes of American Idle in the morning do we really need a cube war about Half pay sick leave?

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

poor bastard

That cracked me up.

[MouseWife]

If two girls chat about a co-worker one of them fancies, even if it involves a bit o' recon and gossip to learn more about him, that's typical girl behavior in the work place and is a perfectly acceptable kind of high school lame, but it's not childish or LAME in all caps. Heh.


I like the way you put that.

LOL Poor bastard is right. He may be the **** of the walk this week {to whomever} but it won't last....

Women can be quite fickle.

[Not Afraid]

I don't know about "girl code". I suck at being a proper girl. I'd probably just tell the guy that so and so is interested and that he should ask her to lunch if he wants to know more.

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

I don't know about "girl code". I suck at being a proper girl. I'd probably just tell the guy that so and so is interested and that he should ask her to lunch if he wants to know more.

Hey! You have actually pulled me aside to say, "I know someone who likes you but I can't tell you who." So you *can* be a so-called 'proper girl'...if only sometimes. :)

[blueerica]

Busteeeeddd!!

(OK, now I feel 12...)

[Not Afraid]

Hey! You have actually pulled me aside to say, "I know someone who likes you but I can't tell you who." So you *can* be a so-called 'proper girl'...if only sometimes. :)

I did that? Was i drinking? ;)

[LSPoorEeyorick]

Not that I remember-- but I totally remember it too!

[Eliza Hodgkins 1812]

I did that? Was i drinking? ;)

:p

[€uroMeinke]

In the workplace I just gossip about other women with the Lesbians

[innerSpaceman]

Wait, I wanna hear more about Not Afraid's hypocritical girl code LAMEness!



(none of this - sending your husband in to lesbo derail)

[Not Afraid]

Well, since I don't remember but can surmise WHO it involved, I'm just going to keep encouraging hubby to talk about lesbians.

[AllyOops!]

This is why I love having my own office. My contact is very minimal with others throughout the day. No drama in being alone, right? (plus, I like lounging on my couch to chat on the phone sometimes. ;))

There is only one other female at my work, and she is part time. I absolutely love her & we've grown quite close. No backstabbing and drama. In fact, we always surprise each other with little gifts.

The rest of 'em are all men. I get along wonderfully with men! In my office, everything is spread out on the table and upfront. It has inspired me to be the same exact way.

My boss & I were having a conversation this morning that turned to sex (the conversation! Not with each other!!) Suddenly, he turned to me and said, "you were raised with all boys. weren't you?" To which I answered "yes" (I have 3 brothers). He then said, "your'e a rare breed" to which I answered, "is that a good or bad thing?". He was like, "It's the BEST thing!"

Heehee! :evil:

I'm a way frilly froo-froo girly, but not when I open my mouth. No drama, frank sex talk, straight-forward. This is the best office ever & the greatest job I've ever had. There's something to be said for that! :)

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Not much dating drama in my library world. There may be some among the pages. They're mostly college students. As it is they get a lot of time in the sorting room to talk and listen to music. I think that encourages laziness more than intrigue, though. I haven't heard of anyone getting involved with coworkers - most of them have relationships in the outside world.

We're about 60/40 women to men overall, so that's not why. In the departments other than pages, we tend to be older and married. In my very subjective opinion, the library attracts mostly stable, settled people. We do get a lot of younger girls as clerks that eventually quit due to moving to follow their husband's job or pregnancy. It's a mostly conservative lot.

As for the Office style antics - most of that evaporated once the real job began. We scrape out moments to smile at each other, never mind gossip. (Though if a cute guy walks in to get a card, the talk goes on for days among us girls.)

[blueerica]

(Though if a cute guy walks in to get a card, the talk goes on for days among us girls.)

Cute guys read? ;)

[Ponine]

More to the point, I have never seen a man in my library except for the circulation clerk....I want to come to your library!

[Capt Jack]

hey now, I was in the library just last...uh....century

[Prudence]

My husband loves to hang out in libraries. Alas, he's taken.

[Kevy Baby]

I go to the Library all the time: Border's, Barnes and Noble, etc.

You can get a coffee, sit and read a book. Although they do frown on you checking out a book without paying for it.

[Cadaverous Pallor]

Cute guys read? ;)

More to the point, I have never seen a man in my library except for the circulation clerk....I want to come to your library!Here's the clue, ladies - our library is walking distance from Chapman University. We get hot college students all the time, both male and female. The best are the foreign exchange students with hot accents. :D

[MouseWife]

Might be cheesy but I love hot guys with accents......

{Just not the 'git 'er done' type....}

[BarTopDancer]

Might be cheesy but I love hot guys with accents......

{Just not the 'git 'er done' type....}

Awww. But Trace Adkins wrote a whole song dedicated to us.

[blueerica]

I don't mind the get 'ir done type of accent, as long as its accompanied with a wink and a smile. And someone cute, for that matter.

[MouseWife]

LOL I knew BTD would come back on that one...;)

Oh yeah, well, if they are charming and cute, uh, well.....who can resist? ;)

[katiesue]

Hmm I must be a sucker for accents cause on my list of knew at one time is - South Africa, Germany, Scotland, England, Greece, and of course the get er done rednecks.

[MouseWife]

I love accents but I do crack up at them, too...

My sister had once some how hooked me up with some guy we met looking for a club down in TJ {my seester, how could she???}. She gave him my number. He called and he kept saying 'I want to pick up you' and I was like 'Well...I don't know if you can but you can try.' This, of course, confused him. But that was mean.

And tell me, what is it with people who give people the right number when you give someone the wrong one????:mad:

[Capt Jack]

whatter y'all talkin' 'bout? I aint got no accent


:p

(my dad was from TX. one of my aunts actually said that to me...in just that way)

[MouseWife]

LOL That's funny. But of course, no one realizes when they have an accent. ;)

[Bornieo: Fully Loaded]

This thread is confusing me - can someone explain it to me??

[MouseWife]

I think the thing is, there is no 'esplaining. Just trying to figure it all out.

Good night, Bornieo. ;)

[AllyOops!]

Hmm I must be a sucker for accents cause on my list of knew at one time is - South Africa, Germany, Scotland, England, Greece, and of course the get er done rednecks.

I, too, was once a sucker for accents until the soccer player..or footballer.. from England.

I once dated a professional soccer player from England (or footballer as they call them!) Sure, he was all cute & smooth and the accent made me swoon....

..until he called me and I had to ask him to repeat himself several times because I had no idea what the hell he was saying. Going out with him was even worse. Not only was language the barrier (he used alot of british slang that I couldn't quite grasp. In the same way that I love reading British tabloids even when I'm not sure what they're saying!), he also yapped on & on about how American football just sucked and there was nothing "super" about the SuperBowl. Excuse much, buddy? Don't be sayin' that to a humongo Cowboys fan!! Then, I had to hear about how the World Series shouldn't be called the World Series and so forth. :rolleyes:

I couldn't bear anything beyond a second date. Why? Anybody who refers to me as "you Americans" loses me right there in conversation. Don't generalize me without actually knowing me. The best was when he told me he wanted to "shag me". On the second date! Shag! I had to bite my lip not to burst out in giggles! Honestly, I don't even like that I went out with him to begin with. Talk about poor judgement on my part.

Jolly ol' jerk. But I still love the British & their accents, because unlike him, I won't generalize! :)

[thecorndogwalker]

i love southern accents.. and irish accents...

[MouseWife]

Irish accents. Wow. But a true one is a bit difficult to understand. I've come across a few fellows visiting from Ireland and I had to stop what I was doing to really pay attention. Then it was catch bits of what they were saying to understand the whole thing. But I loved it.

[Ghoulish Delight]

Apropos story:

http://www.knbc.com/money/13363520/detail.html

[Capt Jack]

that seems terribly unfair.
nice way to address a rumor, use your power to fry those in earshot. :rolleyes:

if its true, thats not the way to cover it.
if its not, thats not the way to stop it.
bad decisions all around on that one

[MouseWife]

Wow, that is totally unfair.

I was sad to see how she said 'We were friends'.

What a nightmare. And, having the potential to ruin his marriage? Obviously, something was going on, be it innocent or whatever, and it made people talk. You're right, if it was innocent, not a way to stop it.

Poor women.

We ain't ones to go around, spreading rumors.

{so you'd better be sure and listen close, the first time....}

{okay, I am not that corny, that is an old song from Hee Haw...wait, that I know that makes me corny, doesn't it?}

[RStar]

I wouldn't know, the women I work with are a bunch of two-faced backstabbing vamps with no moral code to begin with.

My mother excluded of course! (yes, she works at my company)

:D