Yes, Alex, judgment is only bad when it's a negative judgment. What I personally am talking about in this thread is judgmentalism ... which, by definition, is negative.

By definition, judgmentalism is not a real word*. I disagree with your definition and to me inappropriate positive judgmentalism is just about as bad as inappropriate negative judgmentalism.

It would be just as inappropriate for me to tell Crystal that I think she is doing a good job raising her kids because she is bisexual as it would be for me to tell her I think she is doing a bad job raising her kids because she is bisexual. Because one will upset her more than the other doesn't make it any more or less appropriate. Either way it is not something I should be passing judgement on and if I do, it is something I should keep to myself.

In my view anyway.



[* Yes, I know judgmental is a word, and therefore the definition of judgmentalism would be obvious, but it also has no definitional limit to only negative judgments.]

You know, I was trying to think of my list of 5 ways in which people judge me and I couldn't make a list. With one exception (even I can figure out what it means when frat boys "moo" at me from a passing car) I really have no idea what people think of me. I'm pretty damn good at helping other people with their interpersonal skills and situations, but I have no idea how I fit into the universe. Thus, when I find myself in a situation similar to Crystal's -- where someone attacks some facet of my personality as subhuman and malignant -- it feels like it has come from nowhere, with no warning, and the blow is that much harder. If I'd *known* that they felt that way, or that I was perceived that way, I would have some sort of mental armor in place to blunt the attack. Thus, a lot of the stuff on my "judging" list (not taking my husband's name, going to school instead of popping out babies) doesn't even really register for me. I'm prepared for society to think I'm acting inappropriately. Just my random thought of the morning.

Q
There are also quite a few people who will judge you for doing the opposite. Having babies, choosing to stay home and raise them instead of pursuing a career (right now), etc. Your phrases "wifey-poo" and "popping out babies" are demonstrative of just that. The instant most people find out I'm a stay at home mom they treat me like I have the IQ of a fourth grader. Or else I get borderline insults. Doesn't bother me. I'm secure with my choices.

Wow, if I could only list a list of things I perceive people to judge me on. I think the harshest kind of judgement is self-judgement, and that's something I do all the time. Often I am harshest on myself, and perceive that others will see me the same way. It's often a surprise, and on a few occasions, I have been nearly ungracious when receiving a compliment on something I deemed myself to be failing at. My list would be a mile long, but I can't think of anything someone might judge me about on a regular basis.

I know I judge others, but I like to think I do so with a grain of salt, and a view in the mirror of my own faults. By comparison, we're really all on a level playing field, I think. Except for those extra judgemental a-holes... ;)

I have to admitt that I am not that comfortable in my "stay at home mommy" skin. I put on a good show...you know, fake it till you make it. I gave up over 10 years in management and decided to work part time for the same company, to keep a little income flowing. (All this to stay home with 3 kids and then find out later the same week as I stepped down that I was pregnant with a 4th kid....surprise...surprise!) Well when new co-workers find out that I used to be 2nd in charge of the store, I am often asked what happened, as though I did something wrong. The reality was my kids needed me more than my company needed me. I am not over this yet, it was a hard thing to do, and it would fall on my list of judgements on me.

I have the same problem with people assuming I am stupid, especially being older than my co-workers and in customer service. Man, customers can be so snobish. This I do have a handle on this, espcially when I probably make more money that half of them anyways. I make more money per hour than almost 3 of my co-workers hourly wages combined, gotta love 15 years with the company. :evil:

Oh man Crystal! I am so sorry! With friends like that who needs enemies.

I think no matter how much we claim we don't judge we do. We do it in our everyday lives "man that driver is an idiot", we do it on the boards (mojo/rep systems). Judging isn't necessarily bad for it is human nature. How we act towards those we judge is what we should be aware of, not of the act of judging itself.

They're "mooing" at you, they're saying "Yoooouuuu are hot." It's just hard heaing that last part.