To expand a bit. I don't equate doing something for bad reasons to the thing itself being bad.

Now, the bad reasons that lead people to prostitution and the sex trade are frequently more pitiable (to my view) than the bad reasons people end up living in a cube farm, even if in the end result both are equally miserable (how do you measure misery? five hundred twenty-five thousand six hundred minutes...).

Then there is the fact that because society as an average has decided that being a sex worker is distasteful, it is sad that a person who feels it is their only avenue (or simply because they like it) is burdened with the extra baggage that has nothing to do with the actual sex but rather the reaction of others.

An unhappy office worker can be far worse than unhappy. There are plenty of suicidal, lonely people stuck in jobs that drain their personality, energy, and self-esteem dry. That's why they call it "going postal".

There are also plenty of self-destructive people living in wealthy situations. It's not always about money. I personally think that people that let cameras into their actual lives for the entertainment of others (like Jessica Simpson or Danny Bonaduce) are the worst kind of whores there are. Game show-style reality series are a different beast than these my-awful-existence-is-on-display type freak shows. If my child came home saying they were doing THAT, I'd definitely be disappointed. That's where I start using words like "exploitation" and "degrading".

Making issues like exploitation supposedly gender and career specific is entirely off-point, IMHO. I truly believe that whatever makes people happy, honestly happy, is what they're supposed to do, regardless of designation.

I view this as a probably inherent mental pathology that requires help, likely from a professional who can deal with the often long-standing emotional issues that develop in people, myself included. Often, when I have done something that results (often repeatedly) in unhappiness or some other unwanted outcome, I did so in the belief that a positive outcome would happen, logic be damned.

My mother for example:
She has gone from bad relationship to bad relationship of varying degrees. She remains in these 'bad' relationships often because she thinks her actions will give her love (or her definition of love), or the opportunity to 'change' or 'help' someone (something she believes will make her, and the other person happy - gaining their gratitude for a 'better life'). Despite the often abusive (mental and/or physical) that come as a result of staying, the brief moments of feeling something she craves (and often feels like she can't get elsewhere) are enough of a reward to keep her there. I find that this is often the case.

There is also the flipside. Those who 'avoid.' I have a friend who is fairly shy. Painfully, at times. She would like to be more confident and wonders why she doesn't have more friends (negative outcome of her shyness), yet she remains quiet, away, and sometimes aloof because inside she hopes to avoid a potentially painful moment or rejection. By my definition of selfish, I'm not trying to qualify it beyond doing something or avoiding something because a person percieves it to benefit them, even if they're not directly thinking of the benefits. There are countless books on confidence, and simply because they're there doesn't discount my view on humanity. The people buying it are, again, hoping that doing so will result in a positive outcome.

But back to the topic at hand, the commodification of sex. I don't really hold a view on it, in terms of other people. I would not do it myself, at least currently, though I try to not pass judgement on those who do.

My cousin is a former stripper, who also is a recovering drug addict. Interestingly enough, her three stints swinging around the pole did not co-incide with the times she was using drugs. For her, a part of her liked the attention, but even more of her loved the pay. With the limited education she had at the time, plus her ballet and jazz dance background, there were few opportunities to make that kind of money. She sold her 'sex' for money and for the feeling of being desired.

Oh, and Adam Smith. I've heard of that guy. :)

The tale you tell is all too true. I've seen it so many times and it's just so upsetting to see this type of self-distruction. You could almost liken it to a full-blown disorder - who knows it might actually be one. (not that I would know- No PhD here)


I guess my point is, gather 100 people and they will have 100 different reasons, feelings, ideas and beliefs about everything. About the subject of Erica's story and the topic of sexuality - there will also be 100 different ideas and reasoning. Mostly because these choices are made within the confinds of the human mind and no matter how we can justify or try to reason what they are, being sexual or whatever, we as another mind will never fully understand. Just as we know people can't understand everything about what we do and who we really are.

.02:coffee:

I have to wonder if the stigma of being a sex-worker is changing with the coming of the porn generation. Porn Stars have already become celebrities as the industry has become more mainstream. Los Angeles Magazine even did a cover story on one girl's dream to be a porn star - sure that was there to sell magazines.

Not having kids, I can't really answer how I'd react if my son or daughter decided to enter the sex-industry, but if I look the other direction, I somehow think it would be kinda cool if one of my parents one did a stint as burlesque act somewhere in Wiemar Germany.

In theory, I don't have an issue with the commodifying sex. In practice, I worry (of course) about the bleed over into other areas. I have never, to my knowledge, been a guy, so I can't say for certain what it's like being a guy. But my experience being on hiring committees is that there is sometimes an association of "sexy" with "competent" that is applied to women, but not men. I'm sure that for some people the opposite is true, and "sexy" equals "slightly less intelligent than toast."

I've known my share of strippers and former strippers and porno chicks (video and magazine), and most of them were sharp, up-and-coming (har) women using what they were given to make a buck or two on the way to their latest PhD. Actually, I don't think I've ever known one that wasn't pursuing a regular, reputable degree. They were comfortable with themselves and whatever. But the customers? Very few customers were well adjusted. Most of them were delusional, desperate men.

This would probably be clearer if I were more coherent at the moment. It's like so many other things -- it's perfectly rational on paper, selling sex, but somehow when put into practice it gets all warped. Nothing really to be done about it - it's just another example of how humanity sucks.

Aside from abuses within the industry, I have take no moral stance against the sex industry, whether it's prostitution or pornography. Sex as commodity is nothing new under the sun. Erotic art is nothing new, it's just evolved to reflect new media.

I have some concerns that pornography can have an adverse effect on the inexperienced in that it may overly influence their tastes/expectations. But so do a lot of things.

When it comes to sexual partnerships, it's probably best if both people share similar interests/curiosities, etc. I have seen a few couples wrecked by their diverging sexual interests. In one case, a woman I know had to deal with her long-term boyfriend's escalating interest in pornography. He wanted to watch it with her almost every time they had sex, which wasn't previously the case. She had a pretty liberal attitude about pornography until it seemed to overwhelm her relationship - became the basis of their sex life. It made her feel like the sex was all about him.

I wouldn't blame him, necessarily. Frankly, he turned into a jerk. But in that instance, pornography had a negative influence on a relationship. Or maybe it was just their shifting interests. Maybe they were simply falling out of love.

You just have to like what you like and go with your instinct and find partners with similar desires or an open-mindedness about how one individually seeks his or her own pleasure, and how as a couple pleasure is mutually achieved. When it comes to porn, it's often to each her own. I can't claim to watch a lot of it (though I have watched some and enjoyed it too) and pornographic still images almost never do anything for me. But erotic art and writing very often strike a chord, because both are connected to the act of making or thinking about something erotic. Part of the stimulation is the thought behind what I'm reading or looking at.

My only problem with the commodification of sex is that it's too expensive.

That's what third world counties are for