The Fat Thread
 

As I was keying out yet another response to the riding crop thread that had nothing to do with the OP, I thought I’d go ahead and start a thread where we could talk about Fat, being fat, getting fat, losing fat, living in a culture that is growing fatter.

To reiterate a bit, I’ve always been on the large side – or at least considered myself so, for as long as I can remember. In grade school this was cool, being bigger was status with my peers. At the time there were no concerns about health risks or attractiveness – heck these were the days when girls had cooties. Perhaps this early developmental experience of size=good set the original psychology and body image for the next 40 years as I gradually have increased my size over time to where I now have a BMI that classifies me as “obese.”

Now, as I mentioned in a previous post, when I look at some of my college photos I wonder what I was thinking at the time when I used these photos as evidence of my fatness – ah to be that “fat” again. So I have to wonder if my psychology at the time, my fat body image, helped me to perpetuate my growing size. I also wonder if this is the case with my overweight brethren, that message, or self doubts about one’s weight might be just the thing that helped sabotage any attempts to lose it.

And just to be clear, these musings aren’t a way for me to make excuses or shift blame for my weight gain, but rather for me it’s a way of trying to understand it. Clearly in our culture food is much more than just fuel. Our biology is wired for us to eat until sated, to stock up on fat to get us through the lean times so we might survive the next famine and keep warm through winter. Add to that the pure hedonism of food, one of the few carnal pleasure we can indulge in public – in our contemporary culture of abundance it’s small wonder we are growing ever larger.

But there are health risks to this, as well as the fear that it will prevent us from attracting a retaining a mate. And so like many others, I’d love to shed a few pounds. Intellectually I know it’s a matter of increased activity and reduced consumption, but for some reason this simple formula seems difficult for me to execute. For one there are food pleasures I have no desire to give up – and my experience tells me I don’t have to. Every time we’ve gone to France I’ve eaten well and lost weight, if I could but recreate that experience stateside, I feel I could achieve my diet Nirvana. Of course, this could just be another excuse…

At the end of the day I eat out a lot, and don’t exercise, lifestyle choices I’ve made with weighty consequences.

any chubby chasers on this board?

Okay, I'll bite...

I have not always been "obese" as the doctor says I am.
As a high schooler I topped out at 125 and college student I never topped 140.

In the early 90's when shopping for wedding dresses I was 145. That's 90 lbs less than I am now. At that time I was told I was too heavy , or fat, for the gowns in the stores. I couldnt try them on.
(I made mine)

I thought I was fat then... like E, I would go back to that stage of "fat" in a heart beat.

I eat because it's an easily social thing to do. I eat when I am depressed, and when I am stressed out.
I eat while watching a movie, and lastly because food tastes good.
I never stopped to think ,"hey, why are you eating, you arent hungry" until recently.

Having been thin for a long period in my life, its awkward for me to think of myself as Fat, however I know that I am.
I however lack the motivation to do anything aobut it.
I wouldnt mind dropping 40 lbs or so, just enough to not see a three digit number that starts with 2..
but I am not motivated to go to the gym, to eat less, or to starve myself.

I no longer eat what my son leaves behind, and that's a huge plus!
But, as society lets me order larger portions, I feel compelled to eat them. As new chocolate comes on the market, I feel compelled to try it!

I too know how to achieve this goal, but I fail to put the plan into action.

(and what would I do if I lost my cleavage??? That thought scares me!!)

My goal is to be able to try on pants at Banana Republic in the store. Being able to get larger sizes online does nothing for my ego.

Like I said in the other thread, mostly I'm fat because I'm too lazy to be otherwise.

There are some psychological effects that promote unhealthy eating. First, I grew up relatively poor and eating out was a reward. I don't mean eating out at a nice restaurant, I mean going to McDonald's was something extraordinary. As an adult I carry that thinking with me; I'm flush with money so I can reward myself constantly.

Also, Lani and I come from different "home cooking" backgrounds. What I like to eat at home and what she likes to eat at home are different. And eating out frequently allows compromise on this front.

It is easy to say "well I was brought up eating crappy 'southern home cooking' home cooking where everything is fried, or covered with cheese or gravy (or all three)." I love these foods. But my parents aren't fat. My grandparents are fat. Part of it is certainly different metabolism but part of it is that while they do eat these foods all the time they don't eat them int eh quantities I do. They don't eat dinner at 9:30 p.m. like I frequently do. My grandparents eat dinner at 5:30 and then don't eat again until breakfast.

Another problem is that being fat snuck up on me. I carry my weight exceptionally well, and it wasn't until I got over 240 or so that I began to develop a big gut, and even as I approached 300 pounds (I've since made it back down to 250) people would routinely guess I weighed 80 pounds less.

Exercise is another story. For four years I paid $400 a month to see a personal trainer three times a week. I got fitter, I got stronger, but I didn't lose weight because I still ate terribly and I hate aerobic exercise. I can run a marathon (and have while being obese) but I do it at a speed that is more about muscle endurance (something I have in spades) than aerobic endurance (something I don't have at all).

In the end I'm fat when I don't want to be because I have been successful in life while fat. I've had good jobs. I've been married twice. I've got friends. I've even achieved athletics goals (five half marathons, one full marathon, making it to the top of Half Dome) all while being fat. There is really no outside pressure on me to not be fat (other than from Lani since she is worried about my health).

Yet, I'm just lazy. I don't want to cook my own food all the time (even though I am a very good cook). I don't want to get up early so that I can do some running (even though running is not difficult for me).

And this is why you'll never find me bitching about being fat. Despite the "difficulty" of losing weight, I have made the choices that result in me being fat and continuing to be fat. Even though I don't "want" to be fat.

Fat could very easily be in my near future. Both of my parents were of "normal" girth...until about the age I am now. And then both began their path to obesity. And I've already noticed my metabolism make that switch, I definitely am carrying 15-20 lbs more weight by default that I was a few years back.

Fortunately for them, they've both turned the corner on their weight. My dad had it much easier as his body allowed him to shed the pounds with relative ease just by cutting back on portions and desserts, with a minimal amount of increased physical activity thrown in. He got his weight under control several years ago. My mom's was a much more uphill climb, with a much stronger food-dependence, and a metabolism that eventually required more regimented diet control than simple "eat less". And once she began to lose the first chunk of weight, the increased energy that came with it allowed her to be motivated to exercise regularly for the first time in decades. And now that she's down to a healthy weight, she's keeping it up. She's improved her life a thousand fold, it's been fantastic to watch.

But aaanyway, my point is, I've seen my future if I don't keep on top of it. I am a food lover, and an unconscious eater. If there's food in front of me, I tend to eat it, hungry or not. A few years ago I did manage to break myself of the habit of eating until it literally hurt, but I know I easily slip into relying on larger-than-necessary portions.

The good news is that, at least at this stage in my life, I fit into my dad's model. I've yet to stick to the healthiest life style for a full year, but for the past several years, once I've felt I'm about to cross that line into "too overweight for my own good", I'm able to just decrease my portion size, pay a little more attention to the kinds of food I eat, and add a little bit of exrcise in, and that brings me back down to a healthy weight. We'll see how many more years my body will allow me to do that. I just know that it's something I'm going to have to stay conscious of my whole life, because I know where complacency will lead me.

I have such a different problem.

Due to my disease, it is all I can to to keep weight on. Eating is possible, but very painful, so I have no appetite. I force myself to eat because I do not want to have to return to a feeding tube. I exercise because getting my heart rate up is the only thing that relieves the constant spasming in my chest.

Prior to the onslaught on my problem, I was pretty conscious of weight issues. My dad has had two heart attacks and a quad bipass. My sister is obese and is on blood pressure meds and is morderline diabetic. There are too many things in my life I like to do in terms of being active, so it had always been a goal to keep it off.

My concern for others that are obese is their health. I completely understant that people are built differently, and there are some very healthy overweight people. Just to think of lashbear and his heart attack, anbd all the problems that can be associated with being obese.....just don't want to see anyone cash it in early over something that is for most completely preventable.

My main concern about my weight is the fact that my mother died from a massive heart attack. Since I seem to be turning into my Mom (thyroid issues, breast cancer) I can see that this might be a possible future for me. However, I have normal blood pressure and I am not in the "obsese" range, so my risk is less than it could be. I actually like not having a stick figure but I think increasing my activity level would be one of the best things I could do for my health.

I got to shop for my wedding dress in the most wonderful shop. It was staffed by fat women and the dress samples were enormous even on me. I felt like a princess.

Of course, they closed shortly after my dress came in. Guess that means I can only get married once!

I am planning on losing a lot of weight in the next ten days.

It's called the "Oh, I spent all my discretionary income this weekend and I have 10 more days until payday" diet.

Or the "EH 1812 is a big f**king idiot" diet.

Yeah, baby! 10 Days to a Hungrier, Crankier, Skinnier You!

Heh, and here I was calling Riding Crops the "fat thread" for almost a week now!

I've been pretty verbose over there about how I feel, I think. I haven't given much background, though.

I've been chubby my whole life. I was a chubby baby. I was the chubby three-year-old the called "Moose" because I got the chocolate mousse all over my face. I come from a chubby family with pictures of ancestors at the turn of the century who did back-breaking work in the fields all day and were pretty poor but whom STILL looked like they were built by the Mack truck company. Food was definitely a reward, a celebration, a way of loving your children-- even if my mother demonstrated to us day after day that she believed that she was ugly and terrible for eating it. But her story is a much longer one that you'll all hear in another format someday. This is MY story.

I was the chubby pom-pon girl who had to have two size eight pom-pon skirts sewn together to create my size sixteen. (Boy, that was my "I'm so fat" hardly fat period.) I was the chubby sex kitten french maid in the school play. I was the chubby ballerina.

I wasn't truly obese until late college and thereafter, I'd say. Directing or producing or stage managing three or four plays a semester doesn't facilitate good eating at college prices. And as an upperclassman I entered an abusive relationship, for reasons among many, because I couldn't imagine myself being loved by anybody better, and I'm sure the weight had something to do with it. When I finally had the faith in myself to realize that I deserved a better exiestence, I pulled myself out of it. But at that point, I no longer wanted sex or intimacy or beauty or success, but I DID want food and space and to hold on to my mind for dear life.

This was, incidentally, when I moved out here. I lived a quiet and lonely year before, well, I met you all.

Somewhere near the end of my quiet and lonely year, I decided that this is the person I am, and this is the person I want to be. I didn't want to be alone. I didn't want to be someone who was disappointed in the way she looked, or who hid behind it because she didn't want anybody else to be attracted to it.

So I reached out. I hung out on this message board, I made friends in a choir, at work, through friends. I put a personal ad on the internet and I dated a lot of people, none of whom impressed me very much. As I was doing this on a few boards designed expressly for plus-sized women and the variety of people who find them attractive, I came across many too many people who were into me because I was fat (one even objected to my losing weight.) Or interested in me despite the fact that I was fat. It wasn't until Tom came along that I found what I was looking for-- not only the sweet, cute, clever person who shares my interests, but also someone who loves me, period, as though my fat doesn't enter into it.

And that makes me happy. Because I don't ever want to be thin. It's not that I don't want to be healthy. I saw a dietician last year for just that reason. I eat pretty well (especially now that I'm vegetarian) and I only splurge a little now and then. When I was with the specialist regularly, I was swimming laps 45 minutes daily for 13 out of 14 days, and that is the *only* time in my life I've lost weight. My good eating habits have prevented me from gaining back that weight, but goodness knows as soon as I stopped swimming, I didn't lose another ounce. I've got the gym plan into place, and I've got the budget ready to pay for it in January when I will be able to.

I'd be pleased to lose fifty or sixty pounds. I don't complain about my body, because I love my body no matter how it looks-- it's the only one I've got. There are days when the average society's standards of attraction get to me. But mostly that can be reduced down to concern that those who love me will not love me as much or anymore because one day they'll stumble into that "fat is disgusting; a fat person isn't as much a person as thin people" sentiment I've observed thoughout my life-- and these are words I've actually heard before. Those days are few and far between, though. They seem tied into hormones or other insecurities. A majority of my days, I quite fancy myself.

A fair amount of my writing (short stories, especially my screenplay) ties into my feelings about fat, about presumptions made about those who are fat, about my mother's experience, my friends', mine. I can't wait to make the movie someday, because I think that, as obesity creeps across the country, there are more and more people who deserve a voice, such as this thread, my movie, anything, that will let them express who they are, and why, and why they aren't to be trivialized.

When it comes down to it, I like the look of soft-edged people. I wouldn't want to be smaller than a size sixteen, or eighteen, even. Augh! There I go again, with the words I was programmed to say. I have to remind myself again and again: I am not a size twenty-four. I am a WOMANARTISTWRITERLOVERDAUGHTERFRIENDPERSON who WEARS a size twenty-four. And that's OK.

I love Heidi.

I love Heidi.


For me it's simple, if I don't work out I'll gain weight. That's the way my body seems to work. Plus I eat a lot so that might have something to do with it.

So I work out 6 days a week. Four days of weight training and two days of cardio.

But I think I'd work out even if I wasn't waging constant war with my weight. I enjoy my workouts (Except the cardio. I effing hate the cardio.) and I always feel great when I'm done.

I love Heidi.

To join the chorus...

I love Heidi. :)

Heidi ROXORS!!!

I <3 Heidi

I read this thread yesterday and have been thinking of what to say ever since. I worried that I wouldn't be able to put things into words very well but since this thread has taken a somewhat less serious turn......:snap:

So, like everyone, I've been overweight a lot. It is really hard to grasp exactly the emotions that go along with it for me. I've been thin, young and sought after. I've been fat, older, and ignored. And all in between.

I was okay with being overweight. I had settled into it. I was 'the mom' and took care of business and let the family have the fun that I couldn't. When my youngest was no longer someone I had to take care of then it was uh oh! I no longer had an excuse not to ride the roller coaster, go river rafting. Whatever.

But my family was very good to me, my kids, the Hubster. It was the rest of my family that was cruel. I was told my husband would leave me because I wasn't the girl he'd married, anyone could come along and take him, I was old and fat, I was going to die, how could my husband take me anywhere, etc. etc. Now, people say that they say those things to motivate someone to lose weight. BS. They were just cruel and enjoyed hurting me. I know this.

So now to the me that has lost weight. It has been just as difficult. People question how I lost it. When I told them behind my back they would say I was lying and just didn't want them to lose weight, too. :eek:

I found a weight that I am comfortable with, sure, I'd like to lose more but actually am comfortable here. I totally believe in that getting rid of your old clothes as I have to work to stay in these clothes or have nothing to wear!!

It is weird to be this weight. Like you guys, I am not what people consider 'thin' in weight but I feel fit. I also went through that; when I was younger and did start to gain weight, and, was this weight, I was told I was overweight. No clothes to wear, etc. Heck, I wish I could have spent the last 20 years at THAT weight. That would have been fine.

Also I have feelings like you guys; my parents also had health issues. My father died at 52 and my mom/grandma spent their lives sitting in a corner of the couch watching t.v. I found myself sitting on the couch, just watching my life. That was a big eye opener for me. I want to be here when my kids grow up and have kids. AND those comments about my hubby leaving me. Well, let's just say, I was not about to be the one left sitting on any freakin' couch. And that is all I am going to say about THAT. :evil:

I feel like I have wasted a lot of time but then I remember I spent those years being a great mom to my kids. I now use up a lot of time working out without them so I know I wouldn't have done that before. Also, even though my husband has always worked out, only since I started to work out do my kids now work out. :) My youngest, he is so cute with his workout clothes and head band. He wants to be healthy and knows that some foods are bad for him.

Gosh, even as I type that I feel my heart tug because I know that any bad habits my kids have are from my lifestyle. I have worked on the Hubster, encouraging him to change some ways. He has lost 25lbs. and feels great about it. I don't tell the kids {or anyone, including me} that they can't eat any food, just think about it and remember when they are laying around to get up and move.

I don't want to gain my weight back. I love my clothes. I love that I was able to do the Mist Trail at Yosemite and that I did do the river AND I also have run while we were there. Yuck, even rode a bike. I am a klutz and almost took out too many people to do that again.

I do like myself and I always have. Did anyone see 'The Biggest Loser'? The three finalists? The first two hated their old picture and said things like 'Never again' and punched it. The third guy, the one who won, said things like 'Hey buddy' and stuff like that.

Eh, sorry, see, I didn't have my thoughts so organized....This is just not a black and white topic.

Any photos ? :D :blush:

i'm listening. how much are they worth to you?

I've been a size 32 waist forever. Five years ago, I was welcomed to 33 waist land and can't seem to get back to the 32 waist I long to be. Damn these Sicilian Portuguese hips!

I feel so left out . . . I've never met Heidi. Do I love her?

I'm currently on the "parking trams are for suckers" exercise plan. I think I may need to upgrade to the "park across the street from the Boardwalk and hike into EPCOT" plan.

I have not always been heavy and I hate it. I hate the way i look. I hate buying clothes now and I hate that my bra size is a 36DDD...*sigh*...when it used to be a 34D. All through JR high and high school I was 5'5" and 110 pounds. (and I thought I was fat.) Then I got a car and gained 15 pounds. I went into a huge depression and ended up loosing it the anerexic way. I had my child at 19 and of course gained 25 pounds. After having her I weighed 155 and felt horrible. It took me longer to loose that and a divirce...LOL...anyway. I got to 125 which was alright, but I wanted to be thinner. I then met my current BF who showed me how to cook and make things like mashed potatoes with real butter and heavy cream, alfredo sauce and lemon chicken fired in real butter amongst other things.....well, after 11 years on this type of food and fighting my weight constantly I'm now alot heavier. I'm getting serious about loosing weight now, but I tend to get anerexic when i diet...finding the balance is difficult for me. I have self confidence, but I still hate being this way....so I'm finally doing something about it...:)...withour diet pills, and fad diets....the hopefully healthy way...:)

And good on you all those who have shared their story - At the risk of sounding a little the Richard Simmons of the LoT, "You Can Do It !"

I think my biggest memory growing up especially in my early teens is my mom telling me that "when I was your age I was a size 4". I was never a size 4. In fact I passed size 4 and went straight to 8. My mother was basically critisizing me for being "big". Considering that my mom was 5'2 (I'm 5'5") and was once a size 4 up until her 30s it gave me a complex.

Now looking back I'd be happy to be a size 13 or a size 9. What's amazing to me is that I was a size 9 when I was a Jr in High School!!! I didn't crawl up to the 13 size until I was probably 19 or so. Since then I've crawled up to 18. There isn't an excuse for it and I'll admit laziness. I hate the great outdoors, I hate exercise, I hate lifting weights, I hate walking/running/swimming or any form of exersion but I'm trying to make the effort to do something about it. I'm 37 and I can do it.

Now if someone could just give me a dose of energy...

You crack me up. Yeah, I think I was your age when I got 'moving'. And, yes, my mother also always made comments about her size compared to mine and how I must take after my fathers side. :rolleyes:

But, the energy thing. It takes energy to make it. That is where I got started. I so much rather enjoyed sitting out in front of my friends house watching the traffic, chatting, enjoying her company. But we realized we'd sit for a couple of hours and get up TIRED. So, we started walking and talking. That was it. I don't think I'd have walked the 'hood alone, at first. Weird to walk around your neighborhood, ya know? We learned which houses had dogs, etc. I eventually was comfortable to walk alone, on the days she couldn't. From there I was getting energy and I gradually did more.

Good luck with it, even if you don't lose a lot of weight, the feeling of having energy will be great. Oh, and also, it helps relieve stress for me.

Well, no bones about it, I've been heavy from about age 8 to the present.
When I was doing Atkins, I was working out and saw some results (I believe more from the exercise than Atkins). I stopped Atkins because I did not feel good eating all the meat/cheese and other stuff. Promptly gained back weight.

I've been trying to do something about it but this year has been a total bust.
I joined Curves and promptly injured myself (I should have known better, everyone I know save 1 person joined Curves and injured themselves). to make the long story short, it took 6 months to heal from that injury. When I was in SF, I was rudely awakened to how desperately out of shape I am by the simple fact I was practically incapable of walking around the city I lived in for nearly 20 years. After 5 years here in a car and walking nowhere, I've put on more weight than I'd care to admit.

So I am starting back at the gym here at the office treadmilling and weights. Squeezing in regular mealtimes is a hassle and I need to get a control of that. I do not want to eat late at night since I do not get home until almost 8pm on average (the commute here is horrible, horrible, horrible). So anyway, I'm on an onward and upward trend, I hope. everyone else here is certainly an inspiration and a boon for me to encourage me on in times of Oh dear God don't make me go to the gym despair.

Donna